A Basement Affair Recap – Episode 2 – Entertaining The Entertainer

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Now presenting…

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…awesomeness.

We begin on such a beautiful note…

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“I have a dog that smiles at me!” is literally the first sentence we hear all episode (courtesy of Renee). What a wonderful sign of the silliness that’s to come. Whether she knows it or not, now is Renee’s time to shine and she does so like a dog’s pearly whites.

Frank gathers his potential tickets out of the basement and informs them that today they’ll be playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. Susan takes issue in interview:

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“What the hell is Seven Minutes in Heaven? To me it sounds dirty and disgusting, and it better not be,” she says. Really, Susan? What’s the dirty part, the heaven or the minutes? I mean, obviously it is dirty and disgusting (if you’re in fifth grade), but only if you know what it means, not just what it sounds like. I just don’t buy it when Susan plays dumb. She’s a smart Italian cookie. This pizelle has a head on its embossment!

Anyway, Frank tells the girls that he’ll be inviting each one of them down to the basement where they will have to entertain him via crafting or performance or whatever. We see some of the girls getting to work…

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Renee surmises that there may not be too much talent in this house. Gee, I can’t imagine a reality show harboring the talentless. That can’t be right!

With chicken wire, some fence, bubble wrap and a plunger, Annie wants to do something creative to show Frank that she can make something out of anything.

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Indeed, the fact that she’s here shows she’s at least interested in making love out of nothing at all.

After the girls have prepared, Frank begins receiving them in his basement. He times them using his microwave, which he runs at full power each and every time…

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Also, instead of setting the time for seven minutes…

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…he sets it for two. Two, seven, close enough. The important thing is numbers.

Anyway, Melody presents him with a temporary tattoo of his mother that she drew.

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“Why would I want a tattoo of my mom’s face on my arm?” he wonders. Indeed, I’m sure he sees her face every time he shuts his eyes. And opens them. She’s around a lot, just saying. It doesn’t end up working, anyway…

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…so that takes care of that!

Next up is Kerry, who presents Frank with a cupcake she made.

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“They call me Kerry Cakes in Brooklyn,” she explains. I live in Brooklyn and no we don’t. Anyway, Frank clearly likes the taste of Kerry Cakes:

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Christi hula-hoops, and has Frank do so along with her.

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So I guess her talent is persuasion?

Tammy gives Frank a manicure, which…

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…ugh, takes cuticle scissors to my liberalism. She doesn’t seem to have been forced into doing this, though, so that’s good, I guess. “You’re a big guy, you have big hands. Guy who have big hands who like to grab as many woman as they can, so…you think that’s true?” she asks him. He doesn’t think so, probably because what she said doesn’t make any sense. Some of the smallest hands I know have been the grabbiest!

Dana is out to show Frank that she isn’t just a pretty face.

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She’s a pretty face who makes pretty collages, see?

Cathy’s late, so he starts the timer without her, giving her insufficient time to complete her balloon sculptures.

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But at least she got to do the requisite hand motions to blow them up. That’s really the point, no?

Instead of preparing her art ahead of time, Annie does it in front of Frank…

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She talks about it being “very meditative,” although she seems nothing if not focused. The end result…

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…is lost on Frank. I’m surprised that after holding that up, he didn’t say, “Is that like video games?”

Renee has written a story for Frank, complete with, “Once upon a time,” and everything.

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It chronicles his journey starting at I Love New York 2

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Oh snap! Tiffany just got dissed. I would love to see her and Renee go head-to-head in a round of mud Pictionary. As Renee reads her story, she interviews, “At four-years-old, I made a book called The Dog and the Book and it was about a dog and a book.” I hope the sequel was The Dog That Smiles at Me and the Book, except that would have been more on the memoir side of the literary spectrum.

Anyway, Renee’s book is awesome enough to make me want to read her entire body of work.

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“Here/there for the right reasons,” is a phrase thrown around so much on these shows, I’ve been tempted to make a supercut of people saying it for a while. In the meantime, just seeing it committed to paper is satisfying enough.

Jenny reads Frank something about the compatibility of their zodiac signs:

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Since she’s a bartender, Mandy fixes her “famous Franktini” for him…

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He complains about its fat and caloric content, but eventually drinks it. Watch it Frank, you might be digesting food there. Where’s your urge to purge?

Mandy’s drink-mixing session is interrupted by Susan…

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When Frank asks why his mother is downstairs, she says, “‘Cause I’m nosy!” I guess she felt like she could hide behind the laundry basket for only so many seconds.

Melissa displays why they call her “the Crusher”…

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That can is not crushed. Melissa is the Denter, at best.

Jessica does a gloriously delirious dance for Frank that starts out looking all Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

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…but quickly turns into a floor routine.

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All of it is wonderful, but this is the obvious highlight:

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She’s a one-woman Chorus Line. If you like to laugh, let her dance for you!

Finally, Felicia tells Frank about the lump she found in her breast that resulted in her undergoing a partial mastectomy…

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When getting her reconstructive surgery, she figured, “You might as well as go in and go big,” which led to the plentiful rack she has today. That is an arc right after VH1′s heart if ever there were. Frank says that this is “one of the most touching stories that I’ve ever heard.”

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When Frank gets to second, it’ll be even more touching.

After the challenge, Cathy tells Dana about Renee’s storybook, which took to task girls who were there just for exposure.

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And then Melissa tells Renee about Cathy’s telling…

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And then we all tell our TV screens, “Seriously? Exposure-bashing? Again?”

Frank gathers the girls and announces his winners: Felicia, Renee and Kerry. They will all accompany Frank and his backpack…

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…on a pizza lunch at the Brooklyn Bridge.

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After eating, they stand by the water. Frank says that if he ever proposes to a woman, he’s going to do it in the craziest way.

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“I always wanted a romantic proposal!” responds Renee, which isn’t even what Frank is talking about (when he says “crazy,” he means “crazy,” not “crazy romantic” — trust me, we’re talking about Frank). Still, Renee’s comment is highly unusual all the same. Next she’ll tell us she wants something as out-there as a ring to go along with the proposal. A ring, what’s that? I barely know the shape and purpose. This girl needs to stick with tradition! “I don’t need a man, I just want one,” she says. It sounds like she’s pleading.

Nonetheless, it seems to work as Frank takes her aside for one-on-one time. In the process, Felicia and Kerry decide that Renee is talking too much, talking herself into a hole and that she needs to do something with her nails. So they’re, you know, supportive.

Renee tells Frank that she’s only been single for months, but it feels like years because she’s been dead for so long and she’s really looking for someone to make her feel alive again.

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See? She doesn’t need a man: it’s only a matter of life or death. Frank lends her a little breath.

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He asks about the other girls, and she immediately takes the opportunity to rag on Cathy, saying, “All she does is talk, even if it’s about nothing.” We’ve established that, and I don’t see a zipper on Renee’s lip or anything. We’ve been hearing a lot from her. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, I’m just saying.

Then, Felicia and Kerry have and even more deliciously catty exchange:

Felicia: Her bra’s stickin’ out.
Kerry: I know, a lot.
Felicia: I kinda wanna tell her, but I don’t.
Kerry: I’m not gonna tell her.

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So, they’re Heathers, basically. Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.

Once home, Frank hits the jacuzzi with his women.

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As Mandy shouts completely plausible words at someone (“You are beyond a go-go dancer! You are!”), Kerry interrupts with her ass.

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And then Cathy interrupts everything with her drunkenness.

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Frank takes her aside in an attempt to sober her up, but this makes her behave only more drunkenly.

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As the ruckus continues…

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…Susan shouts down from her bedroom, “Frank, what’s all the noise about?” Nothing, Mrs. Entertainer’s Mom! Just the herd of reality-TV ready women you have living in your house. These types are usually so quiet and polite, I don’t know what’s gotten into them!

Cathy retires to worship the porcelain god…

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…but Susan’s just getting started. As she surveys the scene, she finds a water bottle with vodka in it.

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She turns livid.

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She says that because Frank’s dad is sick and takes medicine, he easily could have mistaken this vodka for water and drank it. Except, he’d know it was vodka the second it touched his tongue and he’d have adequate time to spit it out. But whatever. Who am I to deny anyone her rage?

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Susan channels it toward Mandy, whom she decides the bottle must belong to, since she was making drinks for all the girls.

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“I don’t care if you drink! I don’t care if you kill yourself! I don’t care if you drop dread of alcohol poisoning! Don’t put liquor in my water bottle!” howls Susan, nurturing as ever. “I have a flask! Why would I need a water bottle?” says Mandy, as if the fact that she carries around a freaking flask in a reality house that’s overflowing with alcohol is any assurance of responsibility. She then unleashes a torrent of what I guess are curses in…Italian? Portuguese? Something. The most important part of this, of course, is the accompanying series of hand gestures.

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She concludes with, “And that’s nothing!”

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Well, don’t threaten us with a good time! In an inspired coda, Mandy says, “That’s what I have to say to anybody! Anyone else have chips and salsa?” Where’s the Saran Wrap? I ask not just because Mandy’s non sequitur is reminiscent of a way Whitney on America’s Next Top Model once wrapped up an argument, but because inevitably, Mandy’s going to want to start cleaning up and putting stuff in the fridge.

The following day, Susan calls Frank up to her room…

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She tells him she wants Mandy out: she’s a bad influence, and Frank isn’t even that into her, anyway. She goes as far to say that if Frank doesn’t comply, she’ll ask everyone to leave. And so, Frank has no choice, really (not that he even attempts to stand up to his mother in this situation):

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He tells Mandy that she’s a “cool-ass chick” and then bids heron her way. She doesn’t get an exit interview or anything. The last we see of her is her standing on the side of the road:

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Yikes, from the basement to the curb. Here’s hoping Mandy’s trajectory turns a little less tragic. I guess she’s going back to the attic, so, uh, things are looking up for her. Literally, at least.

Frank meets with Jessica, whom he still can’t really get a reading on.

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He asks her what the weirdest thing she’s ever done is, and it was going to some abandoned warehouse with a guy in an afro, in which there were 15 other people and a DJ. You have to hand it to her: it’s pretty weird. Frank asks her what she enjoys doing and she says, “I just like moving!”

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OK, that must be the weirdest thing she’s ever done.

Anyway, she likes moving, but does she like moving out? No matter — she’s going to. After a weird altercation with Cathy, in which Frank complains that she likes alcohol more than him, it’s time for elimination.

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Renee gets called first, and it eventually comes down to Cathy and Jessica. “Cathy, Seven Minutes in Heaven really weren’t kinda seven minutes in heaven,” says Frank. No duh, since they were actually two minutes. He adds, “Your balloon animals really weren’t impressive to me.” That is so cold that it gave my smiling dog a toothache. Balloon animals be damned, he does have a connection with Cathy, so it is Jessica, who has much growing to do, that is going home.

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She says she’s either too happy or go-lucky for Frank.

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I think the real problem is that she’s both. That’s just a hunch, though.

Related content
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair – Cast Reveal
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair show page
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair videos and extras

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  1. Bob Hagan says:

    Frankie my little ex Blue Jay you have made your ole coach SOOOOOOOOO PROUD. I’ll look for you next episode

  2. Blue Jay Number 19 says:

    Mr. Hagen! Thanks buddy..and I’m sorry for all the trouble I may have caused back in those good old blue jay days. I hope the family is doing well

  3. Jamie says:

    That’s a nice toilet. I don’t have a forest green square modern toilet like that. That’s a really nice house and a nice “basement”. That’s not a basement. His basement looks like apartment! Probably better. He’s got everything there. He has a comfortable life. No wonder he wasn’t in a hurry to leave. He has plans. He’s probably saving money. He is so cute and so romantic. Of all the dating shows, this guy did the most romantic thing. He took those **(#$+!@#~#&~)`%& es to the Brooklyn Bridge and bought pizza. I love him. I wish had a man like that. I hope he picks a deserving girl and not some ~$)()!!`!*%!_@_)~ slutty type. On the other dating shows, the dates are either too wild, (strip bars), too sporty (rock climbing, jumping out of planes) I mean, I’d never do some of that stuff they do. But the Brooklyn Bridge is beautiful and romantic. Remember when Tony took Stephanie to the Brooklyn Bridge when she was crying and he wanted to make her feel better. (Saturday Night Fever) F–k me. I hate San Francisco. My life sucks.

  4. Just Saying says:

    Frank’s mother has to be Jewish. She has to be. Frank’s parents are Jewish. He’s an Italian Jew.

    Mandy’s would have made the show. They didn’t even give her a chance.

  5. Lane says:

    R.I.P. Mandy Haha I wish she would have stayed a couple episodes longer! Oh well I hope Franks mom finds someone else to yell at

  6. www.myspace.com/miami_mami_criti says:

    This show is adorable. I agree that I love the down to earth dates they have. Its really refreshing. I really really hope Renee doesn’t win. Shes just not a good fit at all for Frank. Im really rooting for Felicia!

  7. Novi says:

    Who drinks out of a half-empty, already opened bottle to take their pill? Especially in a house full of strangers with germs?

  8. scoggins79 says:

    Frank’s parents…correction mother…is seriously in the way!! Frank’s search should have not been in his parents’ house! wtf? How can anyone make a true connection and be their-selves if she’s constantly butting in? And for Mandy…that poor girl never stood a chance thanks to the mom. She may not have been right for Frank, but that should have been Frank’s decision…not HERS!

  9. T says:

    Mandy was very mistreated on the show. She was funny and never talked about or disrespected anyone. She really deserved to have a chance with Frank. His mother has way to much influence on his life. GROW UP GUY!!!!!

  10. Jo says:

    LOL, overbearing mother who keeps sticking her nose in where it completely doesn’t belong…now where have I seen THAT before? *coughcough*My Antonio*cough*
    Aw, I liked Mandy. It was nice to see someone not intimidated by that big ol’ b!otch.
    And Jessica is way too happy-go-lucky to be with a loser like Frank. I vote she gets her own show, where there’s a ton of fun people vying to be with her. What a great show that would be!

  11. Lizbeth Garcia says:

    i love this show finally they put something good. frank the entertainer really deserved a show…mindy i didn’t like her that well..Great job for the entertainer’s mom.

  12. saleema says:

    he shouldn’t have sent mandy home
    he was supposed to get 2 know her more
    she was a great choice for him

  13. Shana says:

    Why did he listen to his mom? She has a right to her opinion, but he shouldn’t allow her opinions to form his judgment. Mandy was funny, too bad she couldnt stay.
    She may have been right for him too, but he may never know.

  14. drew says:

    Frank is such a `^$+)$_^*+*@%%@!! letting his dumb-ass mom run girls out of the house like mandy. i cnt stand that #%^#&%@___#~&$#~! frank’s mom). it looks scripted n e way….how bout megan millionaire bein canceled cuz 1 of them fools was a killa? lol! wat a dumb +^*~$*)`!_~!@)^! lol

  15. rosita flores says:

    Frank’s mother annoys the hell out of me-i hope future episodes include everyone moving out of mommy’s nest!!! better yet want mom to throw them out!!!

  16. LEGALLYBLONDE39 says:

    This is not Frank’s house or basement, It is a show people! Frank is the best thing on VH1 right now, though. We know it is all made up reality. His mom is one tough cookie.

  17. bizzle says:

    Am I the only person that wanted Jessica to stay longer?

  18. Sandy says:

    I love Frank and I love the show Great Great entertainment!!!!

  19. dulce says:

    ok he should of gotten rid of that cathy cuz oviously they dnt anyhting in commen she couldnt even puta whole sentence togehter in order to make a conversation.. she seems very immature..frank also should of gotten rid of susan gettin drunk and acting like an ass like she had done should of been a huge nono and red flag to him that she shouldnt be there..she argued with him and acted very immature and disrespectful to him and his mother by gettin drunk off her ass.keepin her is a huge mistake when she acted the way that she did towrds him he should of gotten rid of her..thats unclassy..also he should of gotten rid of that plain jane lookin girl she sweet but not at all his type..

  20. Trixie says:

    That is NOT the same house that Frank lived in when he was on I LOVE NY. The other house was smaller, his room was WAY smaller that the one he is in now. Looks like they moved on up. I was wondering HOW they were going to house all of the girls in the little house they used to live in.

  21. jbear_FL says:

    for all of you haters out there bashing frank and his mother, i think you need to mind your own business. if frank wants to take his mother’s advice, let him take his mother’s advice. he’s a grown man who knows what’s right for him. i actually like watching his mother on here. she makes good tv. frank, your name “the entertainer”, fits you well. your show is just that, very entertaining.

  22. jbear_FL says:

    all of you haters out there bashing frank and his mother, i think you need to mind your own business. if frank wants to take his mother’s advice, let him take his mother’s advice. he’s a grown man who knows what’s right for him. i actually like watching his mother on here. she makes good tv. frank, your name “the entertainer”, fits you well. your show is just that, very entertaining.

  23. macdaddy14369 says:

    for all you haters out there bashing on frank and his mother, you need to mind your own business. if he wants to take his mother’s advice, let him do so. he’s a grown man who knows what is truly right for him. as for his mother, i think she makes good tv. frank, your name “the entertainer” fits you perfectly because your show is exactly that, entertaining.

  24. anita says:

    I love this show….I like Annie best so far….wonder if Destiny or Buckwild or New York will be stopping by…that would be great television. :)

  25. anita says:

    my fav so far is annie…i also like cathy…i think she would be a good match for frank…hope destiny, new york, and buckwild stop by.

  26. Blazer says:

    Frank needs to eliminate Cathy, I’ve seen her on a bunch of other reality shows, and, like most of the girls om this show, she’s just here to be on TV.