Secrets Of Aspen Recap – Episode 4 – Doing Her Bidding


This week on Secrets of Aspen, the women had to put aside their cattiness and social competitions to help Star with her Sexy Singles charity auction, which included much cattiness and competition. And this:


Secret: revealed.

Star’s other secret?


Pre-auction cosmetic work. “If you have a problem with this, you’re definitely going to have a problem with childbirth, sweetie,” Laura told her before she had her procedure (Botox? chemical peel? We don’t get to see).

Erin’s preparations were a little lax and way more fun.

Maybe Erin should have prepped a little more. Erin borrowed one of Brooke’s dresses for the auction. “That’s fine, she’s probably trying to be thrifty,” Laura remarked. It was a little hard for her to add in the eye roll here, probably because of Laura’s other preparations for the auction (see below.)

So, Erin got zero bids, except for a pity bid from one of Brooke’s friends. Too bad, she seemed like she’d be the coolest date out of all our Aspen women.

Shana’s prep work? A new dress. “…so y’all better spend some damn money!” She said she didn’t care what happened. It’s true–a few episodes back she revealed that she was dating a guy in his early twenties. She doesn’t need this kind of validation to feel good about herself. So of course everyone bid on her.

Now for someone who wants this kind of validation to feel good about herself. “I’m a competitor by nature, and it’s important that I get the highest bidder,” Laura said.

Laura’s preparation began days before the auction. First there was this.

Then she called all of her friends to make sure they’re coming to bid on her.

Then she made sure her “voluptuous breasts, ” “fertile hips,” and “big hair” RSVP’d too.

Erin won’t be borrowing this dress.

Laura’s best pre-auction prep? Having a “mystery bidder” call in to make sure she went for the highest donation that night.

No one knew who the mystery bidder was, since he or she bid via telephone. I had some suspects:

  • Charlie from Charlie’s Angels
  • Wilson from Home Improvement
  • Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget

And the other Aspenites thought she was her own mystery bidder. But Laura still won, even if she bent the rules a little bit.

“It’s kinda like those after school specials that you watched when you were a kid. It was my moment with all the girls who had been so mean and catty to me where I get to say, ‘I get to be prom queen tonight.'” Oh yeah, that old teen movie where the rich, beautiful girl with “voluptuous breasts” and “fertile hips” schemes and plots and finally, finally becomes prom queen. That was a John Hughes movie right?

— Jessica Suarez

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