“I ain’t getting none, nobody getting none,” Pep declared at the beginning of this episode. And for better or worse, it held true for her and friends Kittie, Jacque, and Joumana until the end of the show. But there was much hilarity in between.
The above quote was really directed at Kittie, who just moved in with Pep. Pep laid down one rule for her new houseguest: “You do you…but I don’t want nobody doin’ it in here.” Fair enough. But Kittie had a way around the rules.
This was the closest the ladies got.
Pep found out that Kittie’s been phone sexing (next to “sexting” it’s downright old fashioned and romantic!) for three years without ever meeting the guy in person. She encouraged Kittie to set up a real date with the guy.
Joumana had a little phone matchmaking of her own to do, setting up Pep with her actor friend Dennis. “We’re like, in the same circle!” Pep said after running down a list of mutual friends with him on their date. This was a good sign until she realized Dennis was also friends with her ex-husband Treach. And that…come to think of it, he looked a little bit like Treach. “But does he kiss like Treach?” asked Jacque. Oh Pep kissed, but never told.
Jacque is still all about business, and right now her business is finding man sperm. “I don’t have time to waste,” she explained. Without time to waste she went decided to go speed dating. Her questions were direct: “Do you snore? Have you ever been to prison?” The best answer to to the latter: “Not for anything out of the ordinary.” Oh good, she could check the box for “common criminal.”
Jacque finally thought she’d found the one. He was handsome (check), tall (check), smart (check), and focused. “All you need is five minutes…I’m sold!” Joumana said. Then Jacque spent a few more minutes with him, and found out he couldn’t hold a conversation. The 10-minute date? About five minutes too long for her.
Meanwhile Kittie’s phone sex partner wined and dined and held hands with her. But when it came to sex IRL, he wouldn’t come through. “Can I turn on the TV?” he asked. Kittie kicked him out of Pep’s apartment instead. “We’re gonna find you a whatta man,” Pep said. “Whatta man whatta man whatta mighty good man!” Whether it takes five minutes or three years, Pep’s friends won’t settle.
Some other great moments from Episode 3:
– Jacque’s displaced baby fever
Even Pep (who’s got a cute dog of her own) couldn’t believe Jacque’s got a stroller for her dog.
Look how wise and knowing her dog looks though. He’s got an awesome case of humanface.
– (Almost the best) luck you could have on the Internet.
So Kittie’s internet hookup turned out to be a dud in the end. But for a guy who wouldn’t come to meet her in person for three years, he was pretty good looking. Just look at that precise facial hair grooming. It’s like he spray-painted that on with a stencil guide.
– Doughty by Nature
When Dennis told Pep that he knew her ex-husband Treach, she reacted as calmly as could be expected.
— Jessica Suarez