And now for a closer look at this week’s Let’s Talk About Pep.
After (count ‘em!) four years of celibacy, dating one-on-one can’t make up for lost time. So this week, Pep instead decided to make up for lost time. Meanwhile, her friends Jacque and Joumana both dated men who did time.
Pep not only remained celibate for four years, but she also remained nearly-date free. So this week someone arranged for her to go speed dating–but in this arrangement, Pep was the only lady there to meet 15 guys.
It was like she was thrown in a lions den. If lions did things like:
– Called you a goddess.
That’s not so bad. But then this guy reminded Pep that she had a birthday coming up. Then he told her what day her birthday falls on. Just when you thought she had found a psychic, he said, “I know all about you, nothing you can’t tell me that I don’t already know,” which seemed to cross the line from superfan to supercreep.
– Told you they “grew up off you.”
A compliment in his mind, yes, but otherwise it’s a little insulting. Besides, The Salt-N-Pepa Show premiered in 2007. The years don’t add up, and if they did, his even being at the bar would be criminal. And showing this to Pep would probably be illegal:
One man’s “goddess” is another man’s queen. And this guy wanted his queen to knight him with a scepter that he made especially for her (though to my eyes it looked like a dreamcatcher mounted onto a cooking utensil). Points for creativity! Then minus 10 charisma points for embarrassing himself in front of Pep and the other 14 guys.
And minus one experience point–Pep said that he, along with the other 14 guys–would not be seeing her again.
But at least none of those guys went to prison.
Though this was Jacque’s date Joel’s big reveal, what she already knew about him before that was encouraging. Normally Jacque would be like:
But Joel was a writer for GQ and Maxim and other magazines; a 39-year-old with no kids; and had the same marriage and parenting goals as Jacque. Plus he was, as Jacque said, “chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.”
Plus Joel’s jail stint was a long time ago–he was already in the middle of writing a memoir about his car-stealing days. And he was “really feeling” Jacque, and asked her out again even before they finished their drinks. She agreed.
But at least Jacque’s date showed up.
Joumana’s date-that-almost-was Tyler had also been to jail, or, according to Joumana, “…wasn’t in jail, he was just in prison for, like, a second.” But her justifications to Pep were for nothing: the guy didn’t even both showing up for the date. At a place called the Hog Pit.
So Joumana did what everyone who watches this show would do if they could: she called up Kittie to come out hang out with her. First, Kittie disposed of Joumana’s no-show via cell phone: “F*** you and the f***ing ship you rode in on…
“You traded in a bad boy for a bad girl,” Jacque observed. And Joumana realized the obvious: Kittie’s more fun than any date could be, even one that’s been to jail prison.