Sebastian says: “You’ve got Kevin Federline’s ass in your living room…
…What more could you want?”
Amen, brother. Couldn’t have said it better myself…
And that is just one half of our my favorite thing this week:
- All that ass.
See, Kevin wasn’t the only one to accidentally drop trou this week. Here’s Bobby losing his shorts. As he explained later, “You got a vanilla ass, and a chocolate ass on national television.” There you go: VH1’s commitment to diversity in a nutshell.
The ass-exposing, by the way, was all because of Harvey:
The last leg of this week’s challenge (after a rowing race/sparring round with a beefy army dude), found the teams trying to make their way across the beach while being blasted by a water cannon promised to make their lives “a holy freaking hell.” It seems like pressurized water is a great way to get people to lose their laundry. I’ll have to remember that.
The next thing I loved:
- Harvey, period.
This guy has the best one-liners ever. After asking Sebastian Bach, “How’s your groin feelin’?” and finding out that it wasn’t so feeling so great (“It’s the first groin pull I didn’t enjoy,” is how Sebastian put it in an interview), Harvey told him he couldn’t take part in the this week’s challenge. “That pain you have right now is telling you, ‘Hey dumb ass, you might wanna sit down.’ So with that said, you gonna have to sit down.” Ugh, I hate it when adding insult to injury happens in such a literal way! Thanks for salting a scar, Harve!
- Celebrity hamminess.
The joke above courtesy of Sebastian was just the tip of the iceberg for this week’s knee slappers. Nicole was the center of many, some of which referenced a certain show that helped her make her name. When Tanisha worried aloud about swimming in the bus on the way to the challenge, Nicole told her not to worry — everyone can swim. Tanisha wondered how the hell Nicole was going to tell her what she can do and Nicole replied…
“You can swim. Trust me, I’m a lifeguard!” There’s no such thing as, “No, but I’ve played one on TV,” when you’re back on TV.
Even better was Jay’s praise of Nicole’s challenge strategy: “Nicole has good ideas with water stuff because she had worked with water in the past. And by water, I mean Baywatch.” It’s almost amazing that Jay gravitated to reality TV, when it seems like he could do scripted with ease. He could, at least, write it. Bruce Vilanch: fear for your Oscar-writing life.
- Face paint.
It just made the challenge seem that much more challenging.
- Bobby Brown’s pants (of the completely off variety).
In a quasi sacrificial rite, Rhonda had the group sit in a circle and present an object of their past for burning. Most of them chose “fat clothes” that reminded them of their lest physically fit period. Bobby’s pants represented “a lot of unhealthy living,” he said, and it would seem that he was referring to a mental lack of health as much (if not more than) a physical one. Sebastian, who’s also bringing his A game with each one-liner, put it best: “Bobby’s pants looked like you could snort them.”
If not, you could at least go out in them looking for something to snort. They’d make a great drug companion: they look messier than you, they give you your space and they’re loud.
- This gif:
Bobby’s “clean,” which means being off drugs, not booze, which…who thought of that one? The pants? Regardless, as Celebrity Rehab has tried to teach us, inebriation is no laughing matter. Except, of course, when it is. My favorite thing about this gif is that it looks like Bobby’s muttering, “Help me,” at the end of it.
- Jay’s purging.
Jay burnt a giant scarf, which represented one of several things he’s been hiding behind. A big part of what he was hiding was the fact that he’s gay, and he spoke of his internal conflict with eloquence and passion. “I didn’t even know I could be masculine!” he said in light of conquering last week’s challenge. That statement was both inspiring and slightly comedic given that he said it while wearing that bandanna. What a guy!
- Samurai Fit Club.
I sense a spin-off in the works!
- Tanisha’s credo.
“Fit Club is not easy, by no means necessary.”
Words to live by…at least for the duration of this show.
- The results.
Though goal-reaching varied, everyone lost weight this week!
Bobby, of course, lost the least, probably because of his affinity for beer…
But that’s better than beer and two different kinds of chicken. Improvement is improvement!
Anyway, here’s how the teams’ points are looking:
And, adjusted to include Fit Factor points:
And, you know, that sucks for them, but at least they do crestfallen well. If this Fit Club thing doesn’t work out, they could all go into interpretive dancing. Or at lest, interpretive sulking.