This is the season’s last episode of Let’s Talk About Pep. So the question is, are we toasting celibacy? Or are we toasting sex?
VH1 seemed to set up Let’s Talk About Pep as a reality show version of Sex And The City. Thankfully none of the ladies fell into their roles too cleanly, and none of them got a particularly neat Sex and The City-esque wrap-up to their storyline.
If you’re going in reverse order of interesting-ness, Joumana’s date has to be first. After a season — or, likely, a lifetime — of choosing bad boys, Joumana made a list of what she wanted from a man. It included things like “no gut” and “good looking.” The girls asked her what quality she would forgo, and Joumana said “intelligent conversation.” There’s no time for talking when you’re counting abs.
Pep listened to her list of traits, and pointed out that Joumana already knew the perfect guy, an off-again-on-again ex of Joumana’s named Joey. He lived across the country, but showed up that week as quickly as she called.
They spend most of their two days together talking about their past and making out/up for lost time. Then came the first of this finale’s big commitment moments: Joey said that if it meant they could start dating, he would move to New York right away. Joumana asked if they could just make out more and talk about it later. They do not talk about it later. Jacque couldn’t believe this, but Joumana had an explanation: “Clearly I have issues.” Would she be on a reality show if she didn’t?
Kittie went out again with Markuann, the “toe-sucker” she’s been on two other dates with this season. Just a spoiler (which should have been a hint to Kittie): this was a toe-sucking-free date. Markuann had more serious things to talk about.
Then Markuann surprised Kittie with a carriage ride through the park. An unusual choice, after she complained during their first date that he was a little old fashioned and boring. (This on top of the fact that Kittie never seemed like the roses-and-carriage-rides type.) Turnss out she was — she started crying in the carriage, telling Markuann that she’d always wanted to go for a carriage ride. “This is so fly. So fly!” she yelled. “Fly” is not how most girls describe a horse-drawn carriage ride, but Kittie isn’t most girls.
This went well until Markuann popped the question: “Is this something possible for us? Can we take this to the next level?” Why ruin the romance by talking about commitment?
After Pep’s date with personal trainer Sid last week, it seemed like Tom was knocked out of the running for most likely to take Pep’s second virginity (there’s no elegant way to say second celibacy, is there?). But Pep said she would want to stick with Tom, provided he could talk to her about commitment. Who knew such a talk would come next week?
First, before she saw Tom again, Pep asked her daughter Egypt what she would think about her leaving for a weekend date. It was not only OK with her, but Egypt pointed out that it’d been “a while” since her mom had a boyfriend. “Cute,” said Kittie, and thankfully their conversation ended there. I don’t know if a conversation about mom’s sex life can stay cute for long.
Tom took Pep on a mountain getaway, obviously with more than talking on his itinerary. Tom had been very conservative on his date with Pep, but he wanted to step it up here with some suggestive talk. “You see anything you like?” he asked Pep. I hope none of his patients were watching. I’d be really uncomfortable around my doctor if I knew he had said that to a woman. But I could go either way on a chef saying that.
Pep told Tom that honesty was the most important thing in a relationship, then she suddenly got this faraway look in her eyes as she remembered the date from last week. Or maybe when she remembered this:
“When you go out with other people, it hurts,” he said. Pep looked like a girl caught stealing pencils.
…with a side of this suggestive exchange:
Pep: Chocolate is gonna get you in trouble.
Tom: You know what? Chocolate’s working just fine for me.
Pep wouldn’t reveal what happened, except, “Don’t cancel the 5-year anniversary party.” What!? So we end the season with no payoff, i.e. Pep getting laid. Who knew that Let’s Talk About Pep would be the Waiting For Godot of reality shows?
— Jessica Suarez