Tool Academy 3 Recap – Episode 5 – Money Talks, Tommy Walks

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This was the most aggressive moment on this episode of Tool Academy 3. Do you get that?

Jennevecia wakes up with her fist in the air: she’s the last female Tool and “These are like, the strong people that are left.” And Angelo and Jordan barely count because they are “Jacob’s bitch.”

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This is a two-pronged insult: not only are they weak, but you need two of them just to form one “bitch.”

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Why Jennavecia thinks she’ll win: she and Kevin are “probably the most realest people in the house.” Apparently she hasn’t learned real-ness has never been a good way to predict a show’s winner (cf. pretty much anyone who’s ever declared their “realness” on a VH1 show).

The Tools like to use their downtime to learn more about people and situations they don’t have experience with. For example, they asked Courtney questions about being a lesbian before she was eliminated. And here, Kevin asks Jordan how long going to a tanning booth lasts, as he may be the only Tool who hasn’t seen the inside of a tanning booth. Kevin says that all that tanning is making Jordan “feminine on the inside.” It also makes you cancer on the outside. Lose-lose, for sure.

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As they head into this episode’s session, Tommy says that he can’t stand therapy. Judging by his faces during the previous sessions, he’s viewed it more as entertainment, which, obviously, I can’t judge. The therapy’s been consistently more entertaining than the challenges this season. But for reasons that will be clearer later, Tommy doesn’t react to this week’s lesson with the same enthusiasm:

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This week’s badge is maturity. For the first part of this lesson, Trina had the Tools fill out categories like:

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…as a way for them to take constructive criticism from their peers. Though, really it sounds like a way to get the Tools and partners into more arguments. Very sneaky! Also: thank you.

“I’m nervous about this yearbook, no one wants to put people they like or people they know on blast like that.” says Dayna. It’s sweetly naive, as every other partner on this show has just renewed their subscription to On Blast Weekly. Like Christie, whose constructive criticism for Dayne is, “Hate that bitch.”

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And this goes as predicted: everyone thinks Jordan can’t ever support girlfriend Rachel, that Tommy is a clown.

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Only categories like Who Should Go Home and Who Is All Talk/No Action in the house get varied answers. The one that can start conflicts.

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Trina insists over and over that this exercise is a good learning experience for the Tools and partners. I know I’d feel more mature knowing who was the best dressed in the house. Except, they don’t reveal who won that category. Also not shown, who won the “Who Wore It Best?: Black Bandanna” category.

Later Angelo and Jacob start doing this dance.

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And note, once again, while they look ever closer to making out, their respective partners just ended their fight by throwing stuff at one another. This one ends with Jacob intimidatingly chugging milk and revealing his shaved his armpits.

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Then the Tools have to wear uniforms (Gap khakis and blue vests somehow symbolize maturity on Tool Academy), and report to the classroom for a lesson in finance.

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It’s given by Larry Winget, author of People Are Idiots and I Can Prove It! which, pretty much, could be this show’s subtitle.

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I believe he commanded their respect with his shirt. Any man who can wear more flames on his clothing than all the Tools combined knows something the rest of them don’t. According to the board behind him, he also knows integrals, something, again, the rest of them don’t (see below).

Once again the show turns to the Tools pre-taped interviews. And Jennevecia lays down the smartest equation in this classroom: TV = bad news.

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Except she says she’ll buy a house or start a pot club with her money. That is far more mature and sanitary than Angelo’s promise to use the money to wipe his ass.

The next challenge is essentially a money-counting challenge. As in: who knows how to. I wonder if the producers even considered having them balance a checkbook, or figure out their credit card rates, or determine how much they spend on eyebrow threading or tanning every month. Upon the road to maturity, the Tools are crawling.

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Kate can’t even make it through the challenge. Earlier, Tommy revealed that he’s in AA because he has three DUIs. “That’s not a drinking problem, that’s a stupid-ass moment in your life,” he reasons. That’s one thing he and Dennis Rodman have in common (they have nothing else in common).

Angelo and Dayna win the date because they were the first to count out the money correctly, which makes two dates in a row for him, and another chance for Angelo to apologize for being Angelo. Trina notes that Jordan spent most of his time bickering with Rachel during the challenge, while Jacob showed a lot of maturity by saying it didn’t matter if he and Christie won. Because it’s never about winning the challenges, even if that challenge is counting.

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Meanwhile Trina has to bring Tommy and Kate in for a private session. Tommy answers Kate’s need to take some time apart by saying there’s been somebody else he’s been dating. I’m no body language expert, but this can’t be good.

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I can’t emphasize enough how little Tommy emphasized his commitment to Kate and Tool Academy. When Trina said Tommy would be losing Kate forever he was all:

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How did he last this long, when Courtney was sent home for — yes, disrespecting her girlfriend’s personal space — but essentially for being too affectionate? And Trina says Tommy still wouldn’t have been her first choice for elimination that week. Kate takes a limo home, and Tommy skips away, declaring his single-ness on the way out.

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Kevin interviews that Tommy will enjoy being single more, anyway. That’s probably not the right thing to say when you’re trying to save your own relationship, but that’s just Kevin: keeping it real.

There’s still an elimination to hand down — unlike Chasyn’s departure, this won’t be a free week for the Tools. So I was wrong: Kevin and Jennavecia, the two realest people in the house, get their badges first. Then it’s down to Jordan and Jacob, the latter having just gotten into another fight and the former having audibly farted during maturity badge week. Sure, Trina had other reasons for dismissing Jordan, but I’d like to pin it on this rare misstep, because it’ll be way funnier to ask him about that in this week’s interview.

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Despite making faces like this…

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…Rachel takes him back because Jordan promises no tanning and no gym. “I’m able to be good-looking but mature at the same time. It’s all about finding a balance,” Jordan says. But Rachel also insists that he give up the crosses. He can keep the eyebrow threading and the hair, but the crosses have to go. And he agrees. It’s not often that someone chooses his eyebrows over Jesus, but when it happens, it’s a bold and wondrous thing.

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