Jessica Simpson’s The Price Of Beauty Recap – Episode 1 – Priceless Quotes


Hey look, it’s a rumple in the jungle:


Having Jessica Simpson curate world cultures is television’s answer to sugar helping the medicine go down — you enjoy it so much you forget that it’s good for you. Thank god The Price of Beauty allows Jessica to be herself in full, silly glory in the face of all this enriching, often heavy material. Via her words and reactions, this truly is her journey. We won’t be doing blow-by-blow recaps every week, just brief quote lists to bring you the unending stream of gems coming from pop culture’s newest Happy Archeologist.

She’s also pop culture’s most well-heeled archeologist…


I know I’m gonna fall but I still wear the heels,” said Jessica upon arriving in Thailand for this week’s tour of beauty. “It’s the risk of beauty,” answered her friend, hair stylist and tour companion Ken Paves. You might even say this endless loop of shoe choice leading to potential danger is the true price of beauty.


Thai massages, who knew they were such a source of hilarity? There’s the quote above as well as two more that were just perfect:


I had a knee in my back, a knee in my hamstring, a knee in my butt. Everyplace on my body had a knee or an elbow in it,” recalled Jessica. And then, even better: “I thought that Thai massages had happy endings. I was just wondering where mine was.” It’s safe to say, then, that there wasn’t an knee or elbow everywhere. Points off for overstatement — but just a few.

When confronted with the I-can’t-believe-that’s-a-delicacy delicacy of fried bugs at a Thai marketplace…


…Jessica found herself in a quandary: “I’m thinking to myself, ‘How are you going to do this Jessica? You can’t even eat salmon.’” Indeed — salmon doesn’t have legs to contend with. The retching and noises made by all confirmed that eating bugs is exactly as disgusting as it sounds. After watching that, I feel completely justified in my bugs-as-food prejudice. Culture! Who needs it?

Jessica, CaCee and Ken also were treated to a Thai mode of transportation.


A tuk-tuk is basically, what would you call it? I don’t even know. Wagon.” Said Jessica on the Thai mini-taxis. When she was done her explanation of tuk-tuking through the streets, she concluded, “I still don’t really know what a tuk-tuk is.” Well, you can’t learn something every time, I guess!

Speaking of modes of transportation:


Jessica recalled about her scrotum-esque pachyderm pick-up: “It was very empowering riding the elephant through Thailand. You definitely felt like you were high up.” That’s of course, because when on an elephant, you are high up.

Finally, Jessica, Ken and CaCee were fitted with mock-ups of gold bands a group of Thai women wear around their necks as a sign of beauty.


“I love this. I mean, I can’t see it, but it looks amazing from what I can see,” said CaCee. Just goes to show, folks, that anthropology is nothing without empirical evidence.

Also, check out this scene from this premiere episode, in which KaCee and Jessica crack up in the presence of a Buddhist monk while they’re supposed to be meditating. Since inappropriate laughter is my favorite kind, and since I spent many years in church stifling giggles that came out of nowhere and refused to leave (like an evil spirit that was cruisin’ for an exorcism), this really spoke to me:

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