You totally did this after you saw who won Tool Academy 3, didn’t you? Good thing you kept the computer!
“I was here to save my relationship. If I win that money and I’m able to graduate, even better,” says Angelo at the start of the finale. Is this the face of sincerity? I think so! And if I’ve been fooled, I’m not alone. Trina kept Angelo for a reason.
Jacob says he can’t see Angelo graduate while he stays a Tool, after the STDs thing. For the record, it took 40 seconds into this episode for the STD thing to get mentioned. That’s a new record (low) for this show. Oh, and Christie was also the first person to bring this up. So this bring everything full circle in a way, doesn’t it?
Dayna interviews that this week’s therapy was all about “What was it? Tool…vibration?” Close: it was Tool Evolution. Tool Vibrations was week 1.
Angelo cries as soon as his first baby picture hits the TV. And even though Trina makes them yell at their own photos later, I wish she had them start now. Yelling at their own baby photos would have added some much-needed pathos to this show!
Angelo looks exactly the same! Or maybe it’s all the crying that’s kept him looking like a baby. Either way: cute! Yes, crying adult men are cute too.
I do feel bad because Angelo explains why he’s crying this time. But as Christie points out, he’s cried every. Single. Week. The sympathy she felt for Angelo has turned into this.
One of my favorite exchanges with Jacob’s first pic:
Trina: So how old are you there?
Jacob: A baby?
Welcome to Duh Academy.
And then Jacob immediately breaks down. Keep in mind that this is the same Tool who told Kyle, “My heart’s a lot colder than yours, and I will beat you like a dog.” But then it turns out Jacob’s dad left him when he was a year old. I think this explains a lot of his pent-up rage.
A Tool’s weakest point is his family.
Also this picture makes Jacob start crying anew. But when Trina asks what person he’d rather be, he says, “That person’s soul, but outside, what I am now.” Jacob won’t be giving up the guns.
And now, the saddest graduation photo in a decade:
Then the best moment in a decade, when Jacob kicks the TV. Good thing this is the last episode of the season! I think Dayna’s mouth probably locked this way out of shock.
Though therapy’s over, Trina says they’ll meet her in the backyard that night for a ritual. Jacob thinks it’ll be a barbecue and a few beers. Then he sees this:
Surprise! Drums and talking sticks. I didn’t know Trina got down in a new age way. We go through all of Jacob’s worst moments, and all of his silver-logo’d t-shirts.
This is how Dayna looks when she says it just feels good to be happy again. I think I understand the mixed emotions. Because that’s sort of how I feel about getting to the end of this season.
Trina has the Tools burn things that symbolize their Toolishness. No one burns a bandana! I can’t think of a greater symbol of their vanity:
Angelo burns two of his t-shirts. And when I imagine what burning cotton, plastic, and seeped-in testosterone must smell like, I want to make this face:
Jacob burns his leopard-print robe and shorts, and “these stupid panties.” And the fire jumped really high. Either this polyester burns really well, or God approves of this sacrifice.
Relationship metaphor/final challenge time. The couples have to walk a tightrope.
Both Tools are scared of heights. Of course. The toughest dudes always are.
As with his tears, Angelo’s pretty expressive with his fears.
The final challenge: The leap of faith. Just like in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. You’ve been keeping track of the parallels right?
The girls are in for the question and answer portion of tonight’s pageant elimination.
Just like real graduation day, they get caps and gowns. And they share a drink. Just like high school graduation, you put aside the beef for your one last day together.
At final graduation, Trina tells Angelo he’s in league with the Academy’s worst Tools ever. Unfortunately this isn’t one of those underdog situations. And Trina doesn’t grade based on “most improved.” Why do I think his tears may have been real all season? He doesn’t cry at the exact moment he should.
Angelo says, “I’m sorry I didn’t graduate for you.” And before the tears start, Dayna gets him into the limo. They don’t even get out of the driveway before they start arguing.
So, Jacob wins Tool Academy 3. He’s so happy he picks up Trina (after he promised to stop picking up girls earlier this episode). I think Jordan was hoping for a boost too.
This picture’s way happier than his earlier diploma shot:
“This means more to me than my high school graduation.” All I got for graduation was a copy of Oh, The Places You’ll Go! He got $100,000 and graduated first in his class. Of course it means more, and I bet the 10-year reunion’s a lot more fun.