Jessica Simpson’s The Price Of Beauty Recap – Episode 4 – Priceless Quotes



How’s that for a quote?

Try wrapping your head around that one — Jessica, CaCee and Ken spent all episode doing so, amongst the Hima tribe of Uganda, where comparing a woman to a cow is a compliment:


There’s logic at work, though:


And there are lines drawn, albeit extremely broad ones.



Doing well, this one!

Jessica, who’s dealt with much scrutiny regarding her body, seemed particularly shocked to hear this: “Oh my gosh. Normally, you’re scared to say the word fat. And normally that word is completely offensive.” It’s like the opposite skits on You Can’t Do That On Television, except, you know, cultural.

Their tribe ambassador, Judy, took Jessica and CaCee to a “fattening hut,” where to-be-brides get pretty for their impending marriage. And by “pretty,” obviously, I mean “fat.”


You definitely have to be disciplined to get that fat in two months. So this is the complete opposite of everything I’ve ever known,” noted Jessica. Disciplined indeed, except it’s the fun kind that basically amounts to drinking milkshakes and sitting very, very still always. It’s kind of the American Dream, when you think about it. It’s a small world, after all!

Speaking of milkshakes, since Ken couldn’t be in the fattening hut (no boys allowed!), he was taken to milk a cow.


There’s a lot of pressure, man. I didn’t sign on for this. I wanted to powder puff or brush somebody’s hair,” said the make-up artist. The cow proceeded to have explosive diarrhea as soon as Ken touched an udder. It plopped out sounding like a big, wet, “Ha!”

In one of the only scenes that didn’t involve everyone getting agog over the fat = beautiful equation, Jessica, CaCee and Ken were treated to some natural deodorant.


I’ve never really had anybody put deodorant on me. She was completely OK with just rubbing down my armpit as I’m sweating,” reported Jessica. This may sound outlandish, but think to yourself: have you ever had anyone put deodorant on you? Again, we are all united through common experience (or not-experience). At the end of the scene, Jessica remarked, “I feel bad that she had to touch our armpits.” I don’t buy it. I think she secretly loved it.

The climax involved the Pricers being invited to participate in the aforementioned impending wedding. “Never in a million years would you think you’re gonna go to Uganda and be a bridesmaid,” said Jessica. Indeed. Never would you, but there you are.


Behold, the power of reality TV. For having to keep her head covering so tight around her face, Jessica reported, “I felt like E.T.!” It is indeed a strange world they visited this week. It might as well be another planet. I mean, try, just try to address the person you’re marrying like this:








Anywhere but Uganda and you’d probably be sharing in the common experience of a frying pan to the head.

Finally: way to go Ken for being a gay man in Uganda and making it out alive and seemingly without harassment. For real, I was worried while watching this episode.

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