It’s time to bust out your popcorn…
…or girlie drink, or whatever other enhancement you might enjoy…
Before we get into our weekly dose of extreme human behavior (or at least, one of our doses), let’s look at something for which there is no point of conflict:
- Non-tension Point: Evelyn vs. her 34th birthday
It’s not that her impending anniversary qualifies her as old by normal-people standards, it’s just nice to see that she doesn’t think so either (sexy, public women can be so…weird about age). Evelyn reports that her 34th “means to me that I am a grown-ass woman and I am finally drama free.” That’s the spirit! For a few seconds! See, as she’s planning her party, the issue of the guest list comes up and the only question mark she has sits near Royce’s name.
She’s “skeptical” about inviting Royce for a number of reasons explained throughout the episode. They include:
– “She’s a little annoying sometimes, and it’s my birthday and I don’t want to be annoyed.”
– “She’s a little messy on Twitter.”
– “She wants to twerk her vagina.”
Sounds like a one-woman party to me. I can’t think of an event where I wouldn’t want an annoying mess on Twitter twerking her vagina, but I can see how Evelyn would be afraid of that person stealing her shine.
- Tension Point: Noe versus his own feelings
Noe is, according to Evelyn, “one of my girlfriends in a man’s body.” If that sounds confused, well, get a load of Noe’s own words. As he presents party outfits he’s picked out to Evelyn, he contradicts himself as soon as he can get done gagging over them. Weirdly, the effect doesn’t sound as guttural as it should. Some examples:
– “Oh my god, I love the boobs…Oh my god, I don’t like the way it squished your boobs!”
– “I love it, but you look like a PTA mom.”
– “I love it but I’m still not feeling it, no.”
I guess it’s helpful when you’re dealing with someone as potentially vindictive as Evelyn to cloak all honesty in fawning praise.
- Tension point: Jennifer versus Eric Williams
At a dinner between this show’s sole practicing basketball wife and her husband, he notes that she has been spending all her time with Evelyn. He also brings up the nickname they’ve given him, Jabberjaws. He does little to disprove the dubbing by chomping on ribs throughout their discussion.
And then, weirdness — the topic of his infidelity is broached vaguely, and he explains that there are things in the past that he isn’t proud of but that at the time he didn’t think was bad. “One could say I was being selfish, but I really wasn’t. I was just trying to satisfy me at the time. That’s it,” he explains. That’s a very interesting contrast between selfishness and only thinking of yourself that he’s got there. I think we can all agree that these are the words of a humanitarian.
And then, as if the topic of trust was never a concern in their relationship, much less examined about five seconds ago, Eric says that Jennifer is not allowed to hang with him and his clients that night.
- Point of Tension: Jennifer versus Rashidah
I have no idea what happened here — I can only guess that they came to the table (that of Evelyn’s birthday dinner) with claws extended. One minute, they’re talking about Royce’s lateness (“You know how they say ‘fashionably late?’ She’s not really fashionably [sic], so she’s just gonna be there late, I guess,” explained Evelyn, speaking of claws extended) and the next, they are involved in some serious neck-snapping. The final act featured Rashidah calling Jennifer “so f***ing phony,” and then this exchange:
Jennifer: “I don’t have to go home to you at night.”
Rashida: “The person you go home to doesn’t think you’re real.”
Jennifer reports that she has “so much hateration” she “can’t even deal,” but after getting up from the table and moving so she’s not across from Rashidah, it seems that she’s dealing just fine. Plus, you know, the neck-snapping is a great way to deal with problems. It’s a cathartic trip to the chiropractor on a small scale.
- Non-Point of Tension: Jennifer versus Erikka
…Just in case you were curious about what the rest of the table thought about this throwdown.
Also: A person on this show with no complaints? Erikka takes over Shaunie’s title of Unicorn of the Week.
And finally, of course, we end on what is by now old favorite just two weeks into this show’s run:
- Point of Tension: Evelyn versus Royce
When Royce finally arrives to the party, she’s all…
(Whatever that means!)
…and Evelyn’s all…
…even though inside, she’s really all…
And then, the surprise turns out to be not a surprise at all. It’s another sexy, crotch-centric dance from Royce:
It’s very in-your-face and dance-off style, even though her adversary isn’t dancing back. The effect is something like Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted” video. Evelyn later tells Royce that she did a good job, but via an interview, you know she thinks otherwise: “She kind of looks like a little girl, but then she’s thrusting her vagina everywhere…it’s just weird.” I wonder how many times Royce is going to have to do this before it’s not weird anymore. Luckily, we have (at least) six more episodes left to find out!