Beauty: the universal language.
(That means “beautiful” in Japanese.)
Japan is this week’s stop on Jessica Simpson’s Price of Beauty tour. As Jessica and her crew soak in the city, CaCee takes in the crowded streets and wonders…
…”Where are all these people going? They’re all shopping?” Nah. If they’re anything like you guys, they’re headed to the spa…which is, actually, exactly where Ken, CaCee and Jessica are headed, but not before Ken makes a joke about Jessica having lived in Japan for four years and soaking in the language during that time. CaCee buys it and then unveils the second of this week’s priceless quotes:
Really, “dumb butts” the epithet to end all epithets. Nothing quite says, “Don’t f*** with me, I’m 8,” in quite the same way.
They meet their beauty ambassador Riyo Mori. Of the experience, CaCee explains…
…”Memoirs of a Geisha is one of my favorite movies, so it was exactly what I envisioned.” Nice to know that Japan lives up to Hollywood!
After a brief Japanese lesson (we watch the crew learn a total of two words and about the secrets of Japanese plastic surgery), they emerge ready for the spa. “I think we came out of it very Zen. We were very Japanese.” Yes, obviously that:
After some hijinks in a rock pond, Ken, CaCee and Jessica go get their feet chomped on by fish as part of their Japanese spa treatment.
“This pedicure scared me to where I almost peed in my kimono,” explains Jessica. And then, another bodily function near-miss:
Ken, CaCee and Jessica then soak up a lesson in geisha school. Here they learn that geishas are not allowed to marry or fall in love (lest they loose their geisha credentials). “It’s shocking. That is definitely a price to pay for beauty,” explains Jessica. The title of this show is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
It wouldn’t be a Price of Beauty episode without a complete fish-out-of-water scenario. This week’s finds CaCee and Jessica dressing up as geishas and serving some men tea. During the process, they are overtaken with a case of geisha giggles.
The eyebrows on one of the men they’re serving really say everything:
The men agree that they would not patronize these geishas again. And back to America they go!
But not before visiting a woman who’s considering the Japanese practice of eye-widening surgery…
“Somebody told me I’m sleepy when I’m still awake, ’cause my eyes are so…” says the woman. She really needs to watch this show to learn all about not listening to what others say about the way you look. Hopefully by the time this airs in Japan, it won’t be too late.
Their last cultural stop is at a Harajuku fashion show. “We’re gonna try and fit in,” says Jessica.
I think “try” is the operative word in that sentence. A for effort, though.
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