Tough Talk From Steve Ward – Tough Love Couples Episode 3

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Mother-and-son Master Matchmakers JoAnn and Steve Ward are back for a whole new type of Tough Love. As always, Steve will be checking in with weekly commentary on each episode via this blog. Below, he talks about the third episode, including talking frankly about sex with his mother in the room, Dustin and Courtney’s cell-phone drama and the ensuing splitting-up of that couple.

Over the course of your match making, are you generally this hands-on when it comes to peoples sex lives?

I don’t have a problem talking about sex. I’m very comfortable with it and I find a way to talk about it in a very tasteful way that makes people also very comfortable talking about it. I don’t alienate them or make them feel self-conscious or insecure about whatever their views are or experience with the subject. A lot of experts believe that people’s lives are kind of manifested from behaviors that are rooted sexually. The more you understand someone in that area, the more you can understand how they think in terms of other areas. That’s why it’s so crucial.

Comfortable as you may be, it must have been at least slightly weird to be speaking so openly about sex with your mom in the room.

Yes! Truthfully, it was a little uncomfortable but I’m a grown man. I’m fine, I can handle it. It wasn’t about our sex lives, so I really didn’t have a problem talking about it.

It did seem that she was helpful, particularly with Courtney. I’m sure you would have asked her about this anyway, but your mom was the one that asked Courtney if she had ever had an orgasm. It turns out she never has.

Are you kidding me? I didn’t even need to ask that question. I knew. You could tell.

There’s a breakaway to Dustin during an interview where he says that’s Courtney’s “own damn fault.” What did you think of that?

I think it’s not going to help the situation at all. I think that in order for a woman to experience an orgasm, the most important thing is that they can be relaxed, comfortable and de-stressed. To be so hurtful and to say what he said, it’s only because he’s lashing out, because it’s really hurt him for a long time. Even though it really has nothing to do with him.

What did you make of Pawel and Danielle’s problem? They have sex once a month.

I think that is the root of his immaturity or lack of respect. Calling her Dumbo, being loud and obnoxious, not being supportive of her in public, not doing things for her right away, not putting her first — that’s all rooted in his sexual frustration. If he had a more satisfying sex life, he would be more determined and focused on being a good communicative, affectionate, sensitive partner.

But then it’s a vicious circle because if he were a good communicative, affectionate, sensitive partner, he’d probably have a more satisfying sex life.

I’ve got to stop you there. It’s not a vicious circle — it’s the circle of love. It’s not a bad thing. You’ve got to look at it the other way. You’ve got to look at it glass half full for me. If he gives her what she likes, the respect and the attention and the thoughtfulness and the consideration, she will open up and give him more of what he likes, which would make him open up and give her more of what she likes. That’s what I’m trying to do here. These people came to this boot camp because they had a negative force claiming their relationship. It’s all perception. It’s all just their perception of the situation. If I can get any of them to reverse this flow, this negative force that’s screwing up all their relationships and look at things in a more positive way. I call it the You Give, You Get principle. If you give, you get. That’s what you do with anything: any type of relationship, any type of business, any type of cause, anything that needs to be produced. It’s produced by putting in more and expecting less. The people that expect to get rich quick whether it’s emotionally, sexually or even in business or in life, those are the ones that fail.

In the fantasy makeovers, it was almost comical how different Dustin’s fantasy was than what Courtney actually looks like.

But even so, the point is that if you have this fantasy in mind, even if it’s something that you don’t think they’d like, or that you even agree with them liking, or you’re even comfortable with them liking, you can at least try to go with it, and say, “What the hell.” Give it a chance, try it once, and if you don’t like it, then just don’t do it anymore. If it’s really nothing that bad, hurtful or risky in any real way, any imminent threat, then keep an open mind.

Mario and Christina are named the best this week, despite his mouth…or, I guess, because of his mouth, because he’s improving in the way he talks to her sexually.

Honestly, that was a lesson that went on for a while. We were trying to give him an idea of how to compliment and ultimately seduce your partner.

It’s no surprise that Courtney and Dustin land in the hot seat, but what maybe was surprising was how pissed off you ended up getting.

I was furious. To me, Dustin was exhibiting the ultimate pinnacle of hypocrisy. This guy that Courtney got that message from, whether or not he wants to sleep with her is irrelevant. He sends a text message photo of himself, and that’s what Dustin saw. That’s what he went off. Now, do I send photos to women? No. Would a guy who is really just friends with a woman send a picture of himself holding a camera, smiling into it if he wasn’t interested in her? I don’t think so. So sure, Dustin has cause to be a little annoyed. But he handled it completely inappropriately and the reason why he did is because he felt ultimately that she’s probably doing what he does. It was an innocent mistake that he ended up getting her phone in the first place. They’ve got identical phones.

I thought it was weird that they could use their phones at all on a reality show.

It was a genuine mistake.

And then you split them up.

I feel like Courtney came on this show because she knew she should dump him, but didn’t have the nerve to do it. I couldn’t really point the finger at anybody until I had this kid red-handed. The only reason why it came out is because I busted him. Do you know why Mario and Christina work? Because Mario is like, “I came here to do the right thing, and I’m going to do it.” Once you’re caught, than what’s going to give the other person any sort of confidence that you’ll come clean or you’ll be honest in the future? So I broke them up. I did her a favor.

Related content
Tough Love Couples cast reveal
Tough Love Couples show page
Tough Love Couples videos and extras
Master Matchmakers
Check out Steve and JoAnn Ward’s Book, Crash Course in Love

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