Tough Talk From Steve Ward – Tough Love Couples Episode 3

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Mother-and-son Master Matchmakers JoAnn and Steve Ward are back for a whole new type of Tough Love. As always, Steve will be checking in with weekly commentary on each episode via this blog. Below, he talks about the third episode, including talking frankly about sex with his mother in the room, Dustin and Courtney’s cell-phone drama and the ensuing splitting-up of that couple.

Over the course of your match making, are you generally this hands-on when it comes to peoples sex lives?

I don’t have a problem talking about sex. I’m very comfortable with it and I find a way to talk about it in a very tasteful way that makes people also very comfortable talking about it. I don’t alienate them or make them feel self-conscious or insecure about whatever their views are or experience with the subject. A lot of experts believe that people’s lives are kind of manifested from behaviors that are rooted sexually. The more you understand someone in that area, the more you can understand how they think in terms of other areas. That’s why it’s so crucial.

Comfortable as you may be, it must have been at least slightly weird to be speaking so openly about sex with your mom in the room.

Yes! Truthfully, it was a little uncomfortable but I’m a grown man. I’m fine, I can handle it. It wasn’t about our sex lives, so I really didn’t have a problem talking about it.

It did seem that she was helpful, particularly with Courtney. I’m sure you would have asked her about this anyway, but your mom was the one that asked Courtney if she had ever had an orgasm. It turns out she never has.

Are you kidding me? I didn’t even need to ask that question. I knew. You could tell.

There’s a breakaway to Dustin during an interview where he says that’s Courtney’s “own damn fault.” What did you think of that?

I think it’s not going to help the situation at all. I think that in order for a woman to experience an orgasm, the most important thing is that they can be relaxed, comfortable and de-stressed. To be so hurtful and to say what he said, it’s only because he’s lashing out, because it’s really hurt him for a long time. Even though it really has nothing to do with him.

What did you make of Pawel and Danielle’s problem? They have sex once a month.

I think that is the root of his immaturity or lack of respect. Calling her Dumbo, being loud and obnoxious, not being supportive of her in public, not doing things for her right away, not putting her first — that’s all rooted in his sexual frustration. If he had a more satisfying sex life, he would be more determined and focused on being a good communicative, affectionate, sensitive partner.

But then it’s a vicious circle because if he were a good communicative, affectionate, sensitive partner, he’d probably have a more satisfying sex life.

I’ve got to stop you there. It’s not a vicious circle — it’s the circle of love. It’s not a bad thing. You’ve got to look at it the other way. You’ve got to look at it glass half full for me. If he gives her what she likes, the respect and the attention and the thoughtfulness and the consideration, she will open up and give him more of what he likes, which would make him open up and give her more of what she likes. That’s what I’m trying to do here. These people came to this boot camp because they had a negative force claiming their relationship. It’s all perception. It’s all just their perception of the situation. If I can get any of them to reverse this flow, this negative force that’s screwing up all their relationships and look at things in a more positive way. I call it the You Give, You Get principle. If you give, you get. That’s what you do with anything: any type of relationship, any type of business, any type of cause, anything that needs to be produced. It’s produced by putting in more and expecting less. The people that expect to get rich quick whether it’s emotionally, sexually or even in business or in life, those are the ones that fail.

In the fantasy makeovers, it was almost comical how different Dustin’s fantasy was than what Courtney actually looks like.

But even so, the point is that if you have this fantasy in mind, even if it’s something that you don’t think they’d like, or that you even agree with them liking, or you’re even comfortable with them liking, you can at least try to go with it, and say, “What the hell.” Give it a chance, try it once, and if you don’t like it, then just don’t do it anymore. If it’s really nothing that bad, hurtful or risky in any real way, any imminent threat, then keep an open mind.

Mario and Christina are named the best this week, despite his mouth…or, I guess, because of his mouth, because he’s improving in the way he talks to her sexually.

Honestly, that was a lesson that went on for a while. We were trying to give him an idea of how to compliment and ultimately seduce your partner.

It’s no surprise that Courtney and Dustin land in the hot seat, but what maybe was surprising was how pissed off you ended up getting.

I was furious. To me, Dustin was exhibiting the ultimate pinnacle of hypocrisy. This guy that Courtney got that message from, whether or not he wants to sleep with her is irrelevant. He sends a text message photo of himself, and that’s what Dustin saw. That’s what he went off. Now, do I send photos to women? No. Would a guy who is really just friends with a woman send a picture of himself holding a camera, smiling into it if he wasn’t interested in her? I don’t think so. So sure, Dustin has cause to be a little annoyed. But he handled it completely inappropriately and the reason why he did is because he felt ultimately that she’s probably doing what he does. It was an innocent mistake that he ended up getting her phone in the first place. They’ve got identical phones.

I thought it was weird that they could use their phones at all on a reality show.

It was a genuine mistake.

And then you split them up.

I feel like Courtney came on this show because she knew she should dump him, but didn’t have the nerve to do it. I couldn’t really point the finger at anybody until I had this kid red-handed. The only reason why it came out is because I busted him. Do you know why Mario and Christina work? Because Mario is like, “I came here to do the right thing, and I’m going to do it.” Once you’re caught, than what’s going to give the other person any sort of confidence that you’ll come clean or you’ll be honest in the future? So I broke them up. I did her a favor.

Related content
Tough Love Couples cast reveal
Tough Love Couples show page
Tough Love Couples videos and extras
Master Matchmakers
Check out Steve and JoAnn Ward’s Book, Crash Course in Love

  1. Tilyn Rogers says:

    I love this show. I am a divorced mother of two and I wished I had this show years ago. The things that Steve discussed are real and can be applied to everyday life. People try to act like sex is not big deal in a relationship but it is and it is critical in a successful relationship

  2. Willis says:

    Steve is the bomb!

  3. Sandra LaPlanche says:

    WOW! I want to know if Steve is Single! =) He’s REAL! People NEED that! That’s how I was raised! and.. JoAnn is Beautiful, Smart and Sweet! Fortunately like my Mother was.. and It show’s in Steve’s demeanor, that she was probably more hands on than most mothers are, especially these days. The lack of the hands on and educating is what’s leading to all of these bad behaviors and actions with people!.. leading to the need for Tough Love creation! Kudo’s to you! This show will hopefully educate people on how to treat others, lets hope! Congrats!

  4. matt says:

    Steve’s da Boss

  5. sas says:

    steve, on a scale of 1-10 how weird is it that my man doesnt tell me im beautiful? ive talked to a therapist i see n she knos about him n said he wont say it until he is ready to give his heart?

  6. l.shanks says:

    steve, first off i love you and the frank way you talk to people that you deal with you are the sexy version of dr. phil. having said that my fiance and i were just curious about rather or not you were involved with someone?

  7. Kay says:

    No, Steve is not the bomb, and he’s not the boss. He is a disgusting little creep who gets off on telling unmarried couples to go “have some fun” with handcuffs. Steve Ward, have you ever heard of sin? Have you ever heard of God? Do you not realize that fornication is a sin before God? If you don’t know, now you know, and you are now accountable. I know this is not your show, you don’t own it, but you and that woman who hosts the show with you, agreed to host it, so the responsibility for what you are doing lies with you also. When your time comes to leave this world, you will have to answer for this thing – this filthy show that you are hosting, and I can guarantee you that you will have to answer big. The good news is that now that you know, you can repent and go in another direction. You’re talented, why do you want to have anything to do with a show like this? Can’t you get anything else? Some of the people who have commented say “I love this show…sex is a big deal”. It certainly is, Ms. Rogers, but sex should be between a married couple, not young, single people. Some of the couples on the show don’t even like one another, but they’re being forced by the producers and hosts to “go have a good time” – with sex toys and handcuffs. How disgusting – I’m praying for you all, especially the young people on the show. Do you ever wonder why our children are so sex crazed, as early as grade school? Well, this show certainly doesn’t help. Most of the young people on this horrible show don’t know any better, they just want to be on TV. But you old, grown butt folks know better and you will have to answer for what you know.

  8. TAQUISHA P says:

    all i want to kno is y is steve trying to fix every 1′s relationship and i was jw y isnt he married or n one i dnt notice a ring or is his finger or is his mother n one?

  9. Amazed says:

    Hello Kay…why are you so quick to point the finger at Steve when he is only trying to help people, not everyone has your rigid fundamentalist views.

    Judge not, that ye be not judged Kay.

    I just want to make this comment regarding cultly tirades. Please understand that even though you may believe in “god” that is not everyone’s religion-and in fact not even the oldest. Wow what a concept…there are different cultures and beliefs around the globe?

    The bible is not anything different then a bunch of stories of potential events from a specific persons point of view (and after watching this show we can all see how distorted our perceptions of reality can be) re-translated over the years…Please if you don’t believe me try taking college course that studies ancient texts it may enlighten you to not just blindly follow the mass of people who don’t research their convictions.

    I am only saying this because I am saddened by how narrow minded people can be. You are oppressing others for not thinking the way you do, practically WWII like to keep it light. If history has taught us anything it is that we need to respect one another and if you honestly have a problem with this show…dont watch it and then scold others for not being as perfect as you.

    Just practice what you feel is right and others will follow if they want to…you cannot bully people into thinking they will go to hell and get their reckoning honestly who are you to tell anyone what is right or wrong…just because some book says so? Am I the only one who thinks that you are a hypocrite?

    Anyway can we please just focus on how have the best relationship one can have and not chastise people for not following the various pockets of uninformed zombies?
    Thanks for reading thus far.
    Great Job Steve- One love people!

  10. Loni says:

    In response to Kay,
    You are out of line. I DOUBT that you know Steve or his mother personally. If you want to talk about sin and being accountable for your actions I would start with yourself. Lashing out at someone and calling them names is immature and uncalled for. Maybe you should read your bible a couple more times because the messages have seemed to gotten crossed. All the participants on this show are legal mature adults. Who can make their own decisions. It is HIGHLY UNLIKELY JoAnn, Steve, or Vh1 made them have sex or do anything that they did’t want to do sexually. I understand your beliefs and I respect that you feel so strongly, but you need to understand that not every one feels the same way that you do. If you have a problem with the way the show is run, then let the company know, contact them PRIVATELY. Complaining on a blog post is going to offend people and get a negative response. If you are opposed to the show all together, than don’t watch it.

  11. robert smith says:

    Hey Steve, First let me say what you and your mom do is a great thing, i hope that other men who are watching your show learn from it, As far as your current guest go the only ones i have hope for are dennis and simone, it seems to me them 2 are makeing the most progress so far the others are just acting like babies most of all the guys, I mean where did you learn to treat a woman that way? “Emotional punch bag academy”, This really should be renamed “The BIBBEST DUMBASS SHOW”, i mean where does anyone come up with a nickname as dumbo for a girlfriend whom he is suppose to love and wants her, and whats up with all that grooming, you waiting to go on a beauty show? mario please, do yourself and the rest of the female population a favor go buy a blow up doll, then you can have sex any time you want , a woman is not a sex machine for mans enjoyment,please breakfast, lunch and dinner and then a midnite snack, you can have too much of a good thing.. larry, larry, larry whats up with you dude, your never satisfied,,, your allways on the defesive and talking crap about stuff, Dustin the %~)$`_($^)“%^!$ head, your h.s. sweetheart is with you and you act like roommates, what are you waiting on, a class how to treat a lady, oh wait my bad thats why you have stve, so he can show you hows its done, and then theres ryan, Mr. Drama himself, man o man I have seen some (_)`+_!~~*$*!$(~ in my time but this is a pile all his own, you start stuff with others and then try to turn it around as if people are picking on you, what the hell is wrong with you . the cell phone issue was a big joke, how the hell can anyone have the balls to fuss at another person about trust issuess when he himself not only has the same issuess but 3 times as many and a stripper at that and you want us to believe your just friends, lol… none of you men deserve any of these ladies your all pigs , a lady is to be treated with respect, romance and charm, she is to be caressed and cutled and loved, she is to be told how beautifull she is and loved and how special she is, did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason the ladies do act up is because the way there treated, hello stupid anyone home? , lights on? elctricity flowing? I have been married to my wonderfull bride 18 years, i still remember what she wore on are first date and when i propsed to her, i can tell you everything we did and ate that fist date, our marriage has its ups and downs but we worked thru it, money problems and job problems and we even lost our baby our only child, a son she had him at 5 months and he lived 18 min. he was born fathers day weekend we burried him the monday after, i carried his casket to the the grave with my wife on my arm, last year my wife had a stroke it left her in a wheelchair she cant walk , i dress her, i feed her, i bathe her i take her to the bathroom and cleanher up i even take care off her when mothernature calls each month. its gross but i do it, i lift her up everywhere we go in and out of the car, pushh her in her chair. i work full time and do all the hosehold choirs ,cleaning, laundry, cooking pay bills and i still make time for her, everyday i tell her how pretty she is and i love her she goes to a adult day care and i pick her up ask her how her day was and i missed her, you dumbasses dont even realize what a wonderfull gift you have been given , theres no contract arrangened agreement to take this woman, she gave her self to you freely because she wanted to, and you all treat them as if she was just another sport or hobbie or toy, what the hell? ladies i say kick their &`*$_&!~_!`_*(* es to the curb and find someone else, you deserve much better, their is not one of you beautifull ladies that any reall man would be honored to have at his side. you guys would be better off to hire you an esscort service when you wanted a she thing on your arm or in your bed at least this way the girl is getting something for her troubles to put up with you when she gets paid. I cant wait to see which one of you dumbassess does the next stupid thing, I say split them all up and make them write down all the reasons why they should stay together. what evere steve is getting out of this , from what i have seen so far since the beggining with the wedding dress he aint getting paid enough.. i hope steve reads this to you and i hope it makes you mad , mad enough to get off your sorry &`*$_&!~_!`_*(* and change and be the man you need to be to take care of your special ladie as you are suppose to ,, hello are you listening ….P.S. steves mom you rock also you are such a GREAT LADIE keep it up with steve, you raised a good man . respectfully Robert Smith from tulsa oklahoma

  12. Katrina says:

    DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE MARIO’S ‘SIDE BOOB GRAB’??? DURING THE CLUB SCENE, WHILE THEY WERE ALL OUT CELEBRATING DUSTIN’S SINGLE LIFE, THE BRUNETTE CHICK THAT MARIO WAS TALKING TO ALL NIGHT AND TOOK THE JAGER BOMB SHOT WITH, BUT TOLD HER SHE HAD TO GO AWAY, WHEN HE HUGGED HER GOODBYE, HE DID THE “SIDE BOOB GRAB”! HE WAS SO STUCK ON NOT GETTING IN TROUBLE AND THE “VOWS” HE MADE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT YET HE BRUSHES THIS GIRLS BOOB! WHAT A TOOL! I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO CATCH THIS MOVE…IT WAS SO VERY CLEAR ON THE VIDEO, I’M SURPRISES STEVE OR HIS MOM DIDN’T SEE THAT…

  13. CJ Frank says:

    How can Dustin live with himself. If you’re in a relationship, you don’t have a stripper and a girl in your phone that you hooked up with in it and hide it from your girlfriend. This show is for serious couples and they act like its high school. I’m glad what you’re doing Steve. I don’t understand how girls go out with these bonehead guys. AND I’M A GUY POSTING THIS! There are nice guys out there but girls have some thick fog covering us.

  14. Yvonne says:

    Steve, I love the way you handle Dustin little lying ~_$@+@`^~$_`)#* with the cell phone as well as bring that check back out, he is not to be trusted, he is totally a waste of that young ladies time, I am so happy you busted him out, now maybe she can leave his ~_$@+@`^~$_`)#* alone and find a man with morals