I am so glad to see that Chilli’s open-minded enough to give this chess-playing nerd a chance.
For this episode of What Chilli Wants, Tionna meets with Chilli’s friends and proposes that they have a mixer, so Chilli can meet a whole lot of guys at once. Tionna calls it a “party.” One of Chilli’s friends wants to know the agenda for the evening is. Tionna says they’ll be “talking” to the guys,. T-Boz wants to know what to do about the “interviews.” Obviously they need to work out their terms here, since neither Chilli nor her friends know what “casual” means. I mean, having to arrange a party-planning committee just to find your friend a first date speaks a lot about the gravity of the situation at hand, but they could lighten up a little bit.
But before the mixer Chilli has a date with Keston:
They must have grandfathered this guy in before Chilli said she’d be less superficial about her dates’ looks. I mean, what can we figure out about this guy except that he loves tribal tattoos, dogs, and playing chicken?
During their biking date, Keston says he dated a girl for a year that wasn’t his “girlfriend.”
Here’s a red flag: Chilli doesn’t like ambiguity or “casual” relationships, as mentioned earlier. “It’s either black, or white with you I’m starting to notice,” Keston says after they get into a mini-argument. So it ends on a weird note.
That’s weird as in, no great first date in the history of first dates has ever ended with pageant waving.
The poker mixer seems like a much better idea, since it’ll let Chilli turn guys down at an accelerated rate. Tionna brings over this guy, Jason, who goes to Chilli’s church. Maybe this is how to teach her to not be shallow? Because it will take some work to look past this particular fashion situation:
This 23-year-old says Chilli reminds him of his mom. This is also not going to win her over.
Chilli says Brandon catches her eye because he’s so funny. But really he’s kind of a jerk, as Reggie, the guy on the other side of Chilli, realizes right away. And so Reggie decides to get her attention back in the dumbest way possible:
Because he’s basically in a room filled with guys just dying for an excuse to peel off their t-shirts. Reggie doesn’t even get his v-next off before this guy’s starts flexing his chest:
Reggie takes off the glasses and collared shirt, and it’s more obvious why he wanted to do this push-up contest. He’s totally the male version of the secretly hot unpopular girl hiding behind nerd glasses:
Tionna knows this has very little to do with Chilli, but, “I like the view,” she says. Basically, this is how she’s earning her commission. By the way, church guy won, and he’s secretly good looking as well.
Only one guy really catches her eye though. Bill is from the Braves game, but he wasn’t introduced to Chilli because of Dovette. But Bill is a better match because he’s a Midwestern guy, he’s not intimated by T-Boz, and he asks Chilli if she goes to church. Finally, something that turns her on (church)! And then Bill says this:
Chilli wants an attentive Christian guy. Was that so hard? And why did it take six episodes to figure this out? But Tionna is still going to quantity here, so she doesn’t have to rely completely on Bill. Later Tionna takes Chilli out to the country to meet Darren, or “Farmer D.”
Farmer D seems like he would be nice, but not her type: The glasses, the hat, the soulful facial hair? Not who I picture accompanying her to events. But I’m wrong here:
And they have weird connections to bond over, like their mutual love of raw milk and raw cheese (so, conversely, their mutual hate of Louis Pasteur). This could be like a modern version of American Gothic here:
They try out of the food from the farm, the greenhouse, and drive the tractor around before going to eat. Farmer D suggests doing a blessing before they eat, which Chilli eats up. This could be her future, guys:
TLC’s Chilli, getting her tractor valet parked. I see a real-life Green Acres-type sequel to What Chilli Wants (Maybe called What Chilli Wants: More Rain And Daylight Saving Time). It’s something I completely did not see half an hour ago. And if Chilli ends up going long term with this African-American Christian biodynamic farmer, then I will also need to be more open-minded and less judgmental because, well, who saw this guy coming?