…Yeah, we’re not ready either.
So with two episodes of Tough Love Couples airing the same night, we didn’t have to wonder about what happened with Dennis and his mom all week. Thank God, because we were left with the a cliffhanger last episode: What will Dennis say to his mother? Will she approve if he marries Simone? Why is she so concerned with his happiness? Isn’t she a little too concerned? Why can’t she be content just resenting his wife, like lots of other mothers? All were answered in the span of a bathroom break.
Everything’s OK guys! Unlike Heather and Larry’s confrontation with Mike, Steve lets Dennis and his mother talk in his office. She cries again, telling Dennis to “just be happy.” I’ve never seen a mom that concerned with her son’s happiness without it involving an equal amount of guilt.
Here’s Dennis’ reaction to her tears:
…because it means he can move on now. To, you know, focus on the other controlling lady in his life.
The next day Steve sends the couples to see what each path (marriage or breaking up) would be like. They start guessing in the van.
Marriage doesn’t always mean kids. But marriage does eventually involve changing diapers. Or having your diapers changed. Just hope you’re the first one to go incontinent, because it’s no fun being the second one (secret of marriage right there).
So no babies, and no trip to the nursing home. Instead it’s a visit to “the world’s biggest engagement ring store.” Diapers start to sound good to the couples, especially the dudes:
Of course Larry’s the one who wants to get married so he’s like …
Once you find a woman who tells you she isn’t that into you and wants to pack her bags and leave, you’ve got to lock it down. “Whatever Heather wants is what I’m going to give her,” Larry says. We kind of learned what she wants last episode but yeah, a ring would be nice too.
Christina and Mario have a much more difficult time in the store.
Christina: “I feel like this is me in a candy store.”
Mario: “I feel like I just drank bleach.”
It gets even sadder when they ask to see rings under one grand, and the store assistant leads them on a shame march around the store to the cheap ring section. I feel for Mario: It’s embarrassing to be told you can’t afford something you don’t even want.
Courtney is also not excited about the ring shopping or mock-wedding planning. In fact, she’s the only woman not excited about the idea of getting married. For instance, when the other couples start talking about setting a date, she’s like…
They’re making her plan her fake wedding with her fake boyfriend, who seems like her very real ex-boyfriend now.
The next day Steve shows them the other side of marriage. All the couples get a special night out, but he also sends marriage counselors and divorce attorneys along to talk to them about the risks of getting divorced. As if these guys need reminders.
Pawel has no problems snacking his way through his counseling session, unfazed by Danielle saying things like “I’m not happy, but I’m still here.” He can’t hear her cries for help over his chewing.
Dustin and Courtney get a date without a counselor, because, well, let’s not pretend there’s any way they’re getting married. Dustin says he’s going to kiss her.
And she doesn’t want that either. She doesn’t even like kissing him. Why aren’t these two going home? Separately?
Steve brings in this lady in for Larry and Heather:
She wrote a book on getting divorced before you’re 30, though the title makes it sound like an accomplishment, like making your first million before you’re 30. And why not? There are so few milestones after you turn 21, aren’t there? Why is Steve doing this? It’s not like these couples had high expectations of what marriage would be like. It’s not like any of them are dying to get married. All of these people have just made the risks sounds worse.
For Mario and Christina, Steve keeps Christina in the room while filming Mario talking to a single guy. Though from these shots, it kinda looks like Steve set Mario up on a date. This might be Steve’s most inspired idea yet.
Dennis and Simone get best of the week because they basically gave their broken engagement “a mulligan,” as Steve says. Golf metaphors don’t fully capture the gallons of tears these two crybirds have shed over their non-engagement, but they deserve best of the week.
Pawel and Danielle get the hot seat, because they’re both so guarded. Steve gets them to say, “I’m in love with you,” to one another, but it’s fairly excruciating for them both. I know all this is supposed to help them meet challenge together and face the unknown and blah. But it all seems like aversion therapy to me. Maybe next week they could watch other couples’ wedding videos while being shocked by dog collars? Change soiled diapers while doing a reading of Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? Or maybe they can snap a rubber band on their wrists every time they say, “I love you” while “Alone Again, Naturally” plays on repeat.