Now we get to find out what Bill wants…
… A weight-bearing woman!
It’s the last episode of What Chilli Wants! Well, at least this season — it’s been renewed for season two. But let’s ignore what that probably means for her love life an focus on the sorta present. At the beginning of the What Chilli Wants finale, Chilli takes Tionna (and T-Boz) out to find Tionna a piece of lingerie, since it’s time for her to get back to Brooklyn. Chilli feels guilty over last week’s bread-tossing fight (ladies throwing food on VH1: does it ever stop?) and wants to get her a nice going away gift. Chilli’s (and Tionna’s) gift to us? This:
These are, I think, the biggest –and proudest — breasts ever seen on basic cable. You might have thought, “Tionna needs to worry about finding her own man,” but come on now. Does she?
Last week’s argued-about plan to send each man on an overnight date with Chilli, seems to still be on. Tionna takes Bill and Farmer D each out on pre-date dates/pep talks, to pick out a dress and to pick out a home-cooked menu respectively.
Her first overnight date is with Bill, who’s driving her to some unknown place in the country. How I wish it was Farmer D’s place!
Bill, being the nice guy on TV that he is, lets her choose a room first. They choose not only only separate bedrooms but separate floors. All the chaperoning and not kissing is so adorably conservative, considering the other dating shows on this channel.
Their date involves horseback writing and dinner. And lots of this…
Three out of the four times she’s smiled on this show have been with Bill, which is amazing because Tionna said some hilarious things about penises this season. That puts Bill at a huge advantage, I think. But back at the room he says, “I would love to kiss you,” and Chilli turns him down. “I love to kiss…I just want to make sure,” Chilli says.
Despite how it looks, Bill isn’t mad at all, poor guy. They don’t show what happened next, but I assume they retreated to their separate rooms and prayed for two hours.
D and Chilli go to a history museum, appropriately, since he will be history pretty soon. I like to think they went to point out how big dinosaur penises must have been, because the penis talk has been the one non-conservative aspect of this show.
Back at his place, he makes Chilli scallops. Maybe she smiled at Bill, but she’s giving D these looks, which seems so much more…significant.
Then they go through a game of would you rather. The best question she asks Farmer D is, “Would you rather have a long and skinny, or a short and fat penis?” And he gives the “wrong” answer (long and skinny), for a question that really didn’t have any right answers, far as I can tell. Then he asks if she prefers back rubs or foot rubs. And she says back rubs (contrary, again, to all I’ve learned from VH1). You would think, all this touching, weiner talk, games of “Would you rather,” and seared scallops would lead to something.
Nope! He goes in for a kiss, and she gives him both cheeks. I’m sure this is as embarrassing in your mid-thirties as it was in high school. Also, I don’t think this was an overnight date — pretty sure she packed up and went home right then. This is also not a great sign.
Chilli stops by Tionna’s to watch her pack — and probably to help her pack. It’s not like these guys were that much alike or got along very well! Next season they may have to get that dad from 19 & Counting to be her dating coach. Tionna keeps pushing, so Chilli gives up who she wants to keep dating: Bill.
Chilli’s only “I love you” was for Tionna though. So I know who we’ll be seeing next season.
Check out additional shots from the What Chilli Wants season finale.