You’re Cut Off! Recap – Episode 2 – Coming Clean

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Surprisingly, not the grossest thing this episode!

“We open this second episode of You’re Cut Off with Leanne asking Gia how she had slept the night before. Great probably! Since we learned last week that Gia had the maid bottle feed her baby at night so the little vampire won’t “suffocate” her for milk. This Oedipal complex kept me awake this week.

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This begs the question, who’s sucking out her moisture here?

Laura calls all the girls in and says violence won’t be tolerated in the house. No, instead, it’ll be celebrated, as we learned the first episode.

This week’s lesson is respect. And they’ll learn respect through this infantile chore chart and and a weekly allowance. All of them whine about how embarrassing this is, but I wonder if the girls realize that it’s the chart that’s embarrassing, not the chores. Regression has probably never struck them as demeaning I bet.

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As before, Chrissy copes by obsessively applying lip gloss. If obsessive grooming is a window into her past traumas, then her eyebrows must have lived through war and famine. They are like God’s own perfect calligraphy.

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Laura introduces some negative reinforcement into the whole chores and allowance thing: for every household chore they neglect, they will lose $25. Great of Laura to to phrase everything in monetary values to a group of girls who don’t know the value of money.

Actually, that’s not entirely true:”$200 can’t even buy a bottle of Grey Goose at a club,” Leanne says. So she does know the value of money…and wastes it, anyway!

Erica reiterates that she doesn’t know how to do housework. “It honestly ruins my manicure and grosses me out,” she says. Maybe it grosses her out because she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I am eager to see her try to mop the floors with buttermilk and wet newspaper later.

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“I literally do not know how to make a bed. I’ve tried so many times, and I just can’t figure it out,” Erica tells us, again. She had time to weigh appearing very stupid against appearing very lazy, and still went with the former. An admirable choice, indeed.

But then we learn than they’re getting cleaning instructions from Sylvia, a professional maid. They’ve had a lifetime of manipulating their parents/husband, so of course Sylvia ends up doing most of the cleaning herself.

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I think she expected this, but she probably didn’t expect to have Erica talk to her in Spanish.

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“Of course I can speak Spanish,” she interviews. “How else am I supposed to communicate with my maids?” I’m glad we found one skill from Erica: professional-level condescension! I would love to know how much urine is added to her soup back home.

“There are really not going to like the next part of this lesson,” Laura says. That can only mean that we will really like it, right?

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The girls pull up to a mansion, and we learn that Sylvia is not a maid, but owns a cleaning company, and now the girls have to spend the rest of the day working for her. “I can’t do this. I’m not Cinderella,” Courtnee tells us. She apparently never got to the part where Cinderella becomes a princess and lives happily ever after, but whatever.

They’ll all have to wear uniforms to clean up after the party. But Gia tells us she doesn’t even wear tennis shoes to work out with her trainer. I know this is supposed to impress us, but it really just sounds like she hired a terrible personal trainer. But she won’t just ignore the sneakers — Gia actually won’t put on the uniform at all, and chastises the girls for jumping into the uniforms so quickly. Leave it to Gia to frame obstinate laziness as a virtue. It got her out of nursing her child, and it’ll get her out of this.

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Erica and Gia are put into the same cleaning group, and of course they both refuse.

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I know, I know.

“I feel below average,” Leanne says. I feel bad for her until I realize that, between the house and having to do chores, her below average is really my average. It’s hard to sympathize with someone whose idea of hell is basically your day-to-day, right?

Jessica finds what she thinks is vomit, tastefully hidden under a cheese plate. Sylvia doesn’t know if it’s vomit, but Jessica contends, “They throw up at parties.” Her alarm is surprising, since I find young women who go out a lot usually have great sangfroid about vomit. Maybe it only applies to your own vomit?

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We move on to the the girls with bathroom duty, who find this crime scene:

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Hair weave — or what looks like hair weave, it could be real hair — in the shower and a vomit/poop soup in the toilet. They are cleaning the master bathroom, too. Who says a hostess never gets to enjoy her own party?

Meanwhile, Pam and Chrissy have to clean the kitchen, and while Pam dives in, Chrissy once again throws up walls. Or compacts. To get out of facing reality, such as it is.

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The mistress of the house does appear, and it is, of course, Omarosa. The one woman who could make these women go:

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…because, at this point, she’s a reality show pinch hitter, ready to step in at any moment and play her part.

Erica and Gia, meanwhile, decide to sit by the jacuzzi. “If you carry or own a Louis Vuitton, you do not pick up a mop, I’m sorry,” Gia says. I’m sorry I never learned about the Louis Vuitton pass. But then…

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“I don’t care who you the hell you think you are, nobody gives Gia the stink eye.” she tells us. Speaking in third person, always a bad sign, because the royal we is probably not far off for her. “You think her ugly ass intimidates me?” she says to Erica. That kind of big talk definitely needs backing up.

Unfortunately Gia fails to recognize their height difference, and how intimidating Omarosa’s over-pronunciation is. Her words are like tiny, perfect daggers! Gia can’t match it.

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“It’s not fun to see Gia angry,” she interviews. She being Gia, once again overestimating her own power. Gia angry is actually the most fun we’ve had this episode, almost as fun as seeing her frightened.

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Pam, Amber, Jaqueline, and Courtnee get to go grocery shopping as their reward, but they go over their $200 limit. “I never thought I’d be using the word ‘prioritize’ in my life,” says Jacqueline. But she never said she’d use it well. They decide to put back the rice and keep this instead:

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Ranch dressing and champagne. Priorities.

The ladies who did well with the housecleaning are surprised with a trip to Sunset Foot Spa, which is in a “dumpy” part of L.A. (Hollywood). Back at the house, Gia and Chrissy gang up on Erica. “There is definitely a difference between old money and new money,” Erica says of their behavior, implying that she is the former. Yup, isn’t Texas plastic surgery how the Rockefellers made their fortune?

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Gia throws back Erica’s confession from last week. “Bottom line, you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you rub me the wrong way. I’m tired of listening to whores,” Gia says. No need to qualify! She doesn’t listen to anyone.

Later Leanne, Erica, and Jacqueline have a popcorn fight, and Jessica hates the mess. Erica tells her to “take her tampon out,” which offends Jessica so much she punches the wall. So much anger in a tiny, tan package! Leanne brings it up at group. “This isn’t the time or the place” says Jessica, at exactly the time and the place when it should be brought up. Things are getting tense, obviously:

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Sylvia praises some of the girls, and Jaqueline cries when she realizes that she should appreciate her maids just as she was appreciated. Lesson learned! Gia and Erica do the worst. “Gia is just a little angry troll,” Omarosa interviews. “If you saw me for 10 seconds or less, you cannot judge me,” Gia counters. Fair statement. But to also be fair, her husband’s known her for a while and saw fit to send her to this show. Apparently to know her is not necessarily to love her. Sylvia’s statement on the Gia and co.: “I feel like they’re doomed.”

Indeed Gia is doomed: “It takes a lot of money to look this beautiful,” Gia interviews at the end. “If my husband cuts me off, I cannot look this cute.” Isn’t admitting you have to spend a lot of money on your appearance just to look pretty, also admitting that you are not naturally pretty? If I were a college English professor, I’d write “recast” next to Gia’s words…unless she’s actually trying to tell us she isn’t naturally pretty. I don’t know, I’m not buying the humility.

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Jaqueline wins a special treat: her own bedroom and bathroom, i.e., VIP of the house. This is all for treating Sylvia with respect and avoiding house drama.

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Laura hopes it’ll inspire hard work, but it really just inspires jealousy, as most VIP areas do. How do I know? Courtnee says, “I’m jealous,” four times, and Jessica says it’s a stab to her heart. She’s not only kept the drama, but turned it Shakespearean.

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