Money Hungry Recap – Episode 4 – Chopped Nuts

It’s sad to think that this may be the last we see of A Pair of Nuts’ pairs of nuts…

We begin with a congregation of the newly formed Family alliance…

Dave says their two-pronged ethos involves putting the Family first, and secondly…

In case you need a refresher on the Family’s members, here you go:

Not pictured: Ouisch, Lu Lu, Clem, Sadie Mae Glutz and Zezozose Zadfrack Glutz. I know that the name of this alliance is in direct response to the Orphanage…

…but when picking the name of your group, you might want to settle on something a little less Charlie Mansonish, you know?

Dave adjourns the meeting with, “I’m gonna drop a couple of demons…” and then we see him retire into the bathroom. Aw, he must be the dad of this family.

The contestants are shipped to the site of their next challenge: a pool.

Immediately, Marliu begins weeping because she is aquaphobic and not, presumably, because, like me, she fears there might be great white sharks in the water (even if said water is chlorinated and not attached to a major or minor body of water). Sometimes such thoughts render me with paralyzing fear, but I just swim through it.

Anyway, there are a bunch of balloons floating the water, colored to correspond with the teams’ colors.

This is basically a targeting game — the goal is to get teams out by attaching all of their corresponding balloons to a frame at the other end of the pool.

The first team to have all of its balloons attached is automatically in the Bottom 2. Last team standing…er, swimming…well, actually, since the pool is pretty shallow but the challenge still does call for dexterity, stimming, I guess, will be the Big Heavies.

This being a swimming challenge, we are treated to poolside sights:

It’s a rare thing, the image that can encapsulate both why all of us (spectator and participant alike) are here and what none of us want to be confronted with. Amazing, really, how much this says, how many emotions it triggers on all sides. I think that qualifies this screen shot as art?

Anyway, everyone in the non-Manson Family targets A Pair of Nuts.

Meanwhile, everyone in the Orphanage targets Flabulous, primarily because the Flabulous frame is directly across from Chicago Deep Dish’s platform and it will require the least amount of distance for the aquaphobic Marilu to cover.

Marliu falls apart in an interview, but ends up hustling once in the water. It’s like getting wet somehow activated her. Is Marilu secretly part Sea Monkey?

As orchestrated by the non-Manson Family, A Pair of Nuts are the first out.

Flabulous soon follow them to the holding tank. But just because Phillip’s out doesn’t mean that he’s down — he screams mostly incoherent encouragement at his team. Stuff like, “Bam! Bam! Bam!”

He’s really into using the water as an emphatic prop.

Perhaps the only thing more amusing than this during this scene is when A Pair of Nuts compare Phillip to The Little Mermaid villain Ursula.

After all, the waves really do seem to obey his every whim.

The non-Manson Family dominates so hard that they end up getting every team within the Orphanage out. They must then decide amongst themselves who’ll be the Big Heavies. They go with the Regulators, who once victorious, celebrate “like like two grizzly bears in Alaska,” according to Joe. Or just two bears, period.

It looks like A Pair of Nuts are going to go head-to-head with Mission Slimpossible at elimination, since the non-Manson Family will have the majority vote. Mark insists that they need but one vote to turn things around, forcing a threeway tie between Nuts, Slimpossible and the Orphanage’s perpetual target, No Excuses. Joe approaches Dave to see if everyone really plans on voting Mission Slim into the Bottom 2.

Dave explains that Mission Slim pissed a lot of people off with their bullying, possibly mafia-inspired ways. “I thought we had an agreement. We shook hands the other day,” says Joe, referring to the start of last episode, when it briefly seemed like Mission Slimpossible and the Regulators were forming an alliance. Oh, but so much backstabbing and stereotypically Italian stock music has ensued since then! Surely, Joe can’t possibly think that their agreement stands! This especially so after Mission Slim attempted to get No Excuses to vote against the Regulators after they’d turned on Mission Slim last episode (granted, that was mostly a scare tactic to send a message to the Regulators — but I think that message mostly amounted to: “We think our alliance is just as over as you do.”). The Regulators are also under the impression that Mission Slim attempted to convince Double Chocolate to vote them out.

So, you know, the strife between these teams has a solid foundation, and it’s rather convenient of Mission Slimpossible to be invoking the handshake now that they’re facing the chopping block.

The argument builds. Dave says that Mission Slim made their beds and now they have to lay in them. Joe says that unlike some people, his handshake is gold. But he’s also proven that he can use that hand for a metallic slap. I know he’s flailing here, but the outrage is a little misplaced.

A break from the bickering comes in the form of an exercise/dance class. House Trainer Richard Cascioli says he wants to do “something fun…especially fun for you Phillip.” Richard says a special guest coming. Phillip’s mind starts reeling and he asks excitedly, “Is it Lady Gaga?” Yes, Lady Gaga has time to take out from being the biggest pop star in the world to appear on a VH1 weight-loss competition. Naturally. Why wouldn’t she?

(It isn’t Lady Gaga. It’s an instructor named Kenya.)

Anyway, she leads them in a spirited dance workout.

At last, in addition to Paris burning, so is fat. Phillip explains, “I pop, lock, drop like a Pussycat Doll,” which is helpful clarification because for a second, I thought that Nicole Sherzinger had actually joined the Money Hungry cast. What a confusing second! Perhaps Phillip’s burlesque-esque moves entice Joe because he all of a sudden gets “the fever” and engages in a dance-off with Phillip.

“He’s my filet mingon, and I’m the steak knife, plate and A-1 Sauce, baby,” says Phillip. Aw, “filet mingon” is such an adorable term of endearment!

Anyway, instead of turning into the stompiest production of Stomp that there ever was, Money Hungry soon returns to its earlier ways and more Mission Slim versus Regulators drama plays out.

Just a little nudge is all it takes to push these people over the edge:

I have no idea what he means by that except ominousness. Also, is that a mob thing?

Things keep escalating, which is bad news for everyone, given Po’s bull-like tenacity in the face of conflict:

The ranting begins. Look at the teamwork here:

Mark yells, Joe points. I also like how their positioning makes Mark look like the owner of a wee, little arm. Very, very ominous, those undersized body parts, especially in this context. On TV proportion is everything! Joe calls Po a “fat f***” from across the pool, which sounds like hypocrisy to me. Or maybe it’s epithet-reclaiming. Who knows.

At one point, someone calls Dave weak, which causes him to snap, shouting…

“You want weakness? I’ll show you weakness!” Irony! Delicious, unlikely, skull-cracking irony.

It gets to the point where producers have to jump in…

As Dave retreats back into the house, he yells at Grading Curves.

Missy asserts that nobody’s the boss of her. Except, of course, for the producers that tell her where she’ll be every second of the day while in this house. But they don’t count for anything…except everything. A few people sit around and bicker about the squabble.

Phillip has, weirdly, decided not to let it all hang out this time. I guess you can’t give people what they want all the time. His bag is selective reinforcement. I dig. In reference to Dave’s blow-up, Tricia says she thinks men need to watch the way they speak to women. Phillip goes off: “I will tell a girl, ‘Shut the f*** up,’ if that’s how I feel!” He kind of did just that, I think.

I have to say that I find his gesticulating much less effective without the aid of water. It’s like you can barely even tell what he means without the aquatic emphasis.

Meanwhile, Mission Slimpossible decide that they are spent and leaving. Mark doesn’t want to sleep in the same house of a guy he wants to choke to death. Likewise, I’m sure?

Except, no they aren’t.

“We’re not quitters,” is the rationale for the return. Nope, no quitters here. Only threateners.

Meanwhile, Dave checks with Georgette regarding his theory about Mission Slim trying to get Double Chocolate to vote for the Regulators. It turns out that Mission Slim was pushing for them to vote for No Excuses. Oops!

Dave apologizes to Joe for the misunderstanding. In interview, Dave says, “This might affect how we vote.” Po takes a beat and says, hilariously, “Wait, really?” No, silly — it’s all in the name of suspense. But in the meantime, we see what turns out to be…

…another meaningless handshake.

It comes time to vote. Regulators give Double Chocolate immunity. Georgette interviews, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty, I’m free at last!” I think this weight-loss competition is exactly what Martin Luther King Jr., had in mind when he invoked that old Negro spiritual during the “I Have a Dream” speech. It’s really quite something that this day has finally come.

People vote, they bite apples. Po spits his bite out when he’s done, which is weird. Also weird, albeit endearing:

A Pair of Nuts’ method of voting. These two definitely grow on you…like, a pair of nuts, actually. But you know: depending.

Weigh-ins!

Regulators

Double Chocolate

A Pair of Nuts

A Pair of Nuts take their place on the chopping block and announce they’ve brought their good luck charm…

…or charms, really. All six (or so) of ‘em. Their competitors receive their barely sheathed genitals warmly this time, instead of with the apathy they did on the first episode. On the balls, Phillip gushes, “Yes, I finally get to see something interesting at elimination!” OMG, you guys. Do you think Phillip maybe enjoys looking at almost-naked and/or totally naked dudes? Whoa! I’d never before entertained the thought! My world view is shifting as I type!

We proceed.

Slenderellas

Flabulous

Chicago Deep Dish

Grading Curves

No Excuses

With the entire Orphanage voting for No Excuses, in their 11th hour handshake, Mission Slim had attempted to persuade Regulators to vote for a team other than theirs, creating a three-way tie. It turns out that Regulators honored their non-Manson Family’s agreement, and stuck with their vote. No Excuses are safe. “Regulators, you can take that handshake, shove it up your ass,” is Joe’s response to this turn of events. But then who’d want to shake their hand? On his rationale, Dave explains, “Our loyalty to the Family is worth more than any agreement with a couple of scumbags.”

This puts an incredible burden on Mission Slimpossible, who must best A Pair of Nuts’ remarkable 3.1 percent weight loss.

Amazingly, they do.

Dan’s shocked and the Regulators poop themselves:

Perhaps Mark can help them dig a big hole for their big poop.

Sad to see his allies go, Mark reflects: “They were our comic relief, they were our stress relief.” Unfortunately, he does not elaborate.

And of course, Mark is in the shrinking minority — most competitors are not sad to see A Pair of Nuts go.

Especially Phillip, probably.

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Money Hungry – Peep the cast
Money Hungry show page
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