In this week’s Real and Chance: The Legend Hunters, the boys were on the lookout for sharks. How sharks are legends is still anyone’s guess. Perhaps you can debate it in the comments of this post, adding to the inevitably constructive and civil discourse. In the extended episode bonus clip above, the boys frolic with a sea lion to prepare for their shark encounter because, according to one expert, “sharks eat sea lions, so you have to be able to handle the sea lions before you can handle the sharks.” By this logic, the way to any snake’s heart is through the mice his stomach is about to digest. Incidentally, I have no idea what anyone’s talking about anymore, including myself.
Anyway, onto the shark-fast rundown of the night’s events…
This week’s hunted legend: Caribbean reef sharks? Stuart Cove the Shark Whisperer? Nothing?
Where: Nassau, Bahamas
Risks: Being swallowed whole, losing a leg, being raped by a sea lion, falling in love with a trainer, tripping over your tongue as you describe how wonderful and hot she is for, like, full show segments on end.
Choice quotes from Real and Chance:
Chance: “He seemed like he knew what was going on, but at the same time, he didn’t know what was going on. He must’ve been drunk.” (Chance can relate to this unhelpful local he’s describing, even if he doesn’t know it)
Real: “You lost a leg, bruh!” (Real said this to a guy with a prosthetic leg, just in case the anguish and diminished mobility wasn’t enough to remind him.)
Chance: “I just can’t help, but to reek of fear.”
Chance: “Man, the sea lion’s spitting in my face. I’m thinking, ‘Is this a hybrid with a llama?’ In a minute, I’m about to back-slap it and splash it back. Crack a bottle over its head.” (It’s a good thing they enlisted real animal lovers to help teach us about animals.)
Chance: “Man that sea mongoose was crazy, man.” (It was a sea lion.)
Chance [in a cave]: “I wanna know who built this? Who could carve this out, some steps. Had to be an ogre.” (Now there’s a legend!)
Chance: “Kill me already if you’re gonna do it.”
Chance: “We gotta be focused. We just need all guys! Sheesh!”
Chance: Kayla done lost her furry little rabbit mind. She just got un-hot.
Real: “Stop being a girl!”
Chance: “Stop spitting in my eye!”
Chance: “I feel like I’m scared, but I feel like I’m gonna conquer these scary fears.”
Chance: “Jeri juice made that s*** hard to see in there.” (He’s referring to his mask.)
Chance: “I cannot get a good grasp of breath!”
Chance: “Kayla ain’t strong enough, man. I need men. I need men around me, man. I need men.”
Real: “Stuart asks us to swim with the sharks. That’s our last test, man. If we can swim with the sharks, we’re bona fide whisperers.”
Real: “I don’t wear pink, but today I will.”
Choice quotes from the people they encounter:
“Ay! Ay! Ay!” (Via the craziest African Chance ever say in his life [his words]).
“Caribbean reef sharks are the most dangerous in the Bahamas. The object is to have them not eat you.”
“When I first met Chance and Real, I didn’t think they were…sea-type people.”
Did Real and Chance succeed in their hunt?: They swam with sharks, so that’s something. I guess?