Real And Chance: The Legend Hunters Micro-Recap – Episode 3

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This week’s Real and Chance: The Legend Hunters sought to find Hogasaurus, a giant pig-boar roaming southern forests. Since little pigs are to Hogasuarus what sea lions are to sharks, apparently, the boys trained to shoot darts into a giant hog by attempting to catch and move very little hogs. The fake-outs these pigs proved capable of showed that this was a meeting of the minds…at least.

The hogs run so well, I’d love to give them the reigns of this episode rundown, but their hooves provided a detrimental obstacle. Instead you have me. :(

This week’s hunted legend: Hogasaurus, a pig/wild boar cross-breed that is estimated to measure 7 feet in length and weigh 800 lbs. To put it into perspective, he’s bigger than the comprably legendary (and caught and killed!) Hogzilla:

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Where: Union Springs, Alabama

Risks: As one pig expert says: “He’ll get ‘cha.” That’s all the ominousness you need, right? If not, there’s also: getting one’s leg taken off, being deceived by a piglet, getting chewed up by a pig like the hunting dog, Sadie, getting killed, taken down and shredded up, moonshine poisoning and being scared to death by a bullfrog.

Choice quotes from Real and Chance:

Real: I didn’t come here for no damn Marmaduke. I came here for Hogasaurus.

Real: My Alabama butt hurt.

Real (on pigs): Damn, they smell like ass.

Chance (on grabbing pigs): Let me ask a quick question. If I grab one of ‘em, will he call the others for help?

Chance: These are gangsta pigs!

Real: If that little 14-year-old boy can catch a Hogzilla, I may not be much taller than Prince, but damn it, I can catch it.

Real: Can we get a tranquilizer just in case Yeti comes and knocks on our door at night?

Chance: What’s the difference between a damn pig’s ass and my balls?

Chance: You sure it’s not a brontosaurus?

Chance: I can finally show you where I’m from, why the call me the ass-capper: ’cause I’ll put a hole in your ass.

Real: And I got it in his ass.
Steve Maxwell, pig (/anatomy?) expert: That ain’t in his ass…
Real: Well you know what I mean: inside of him.

Chance: How do I look?
Real: You look stupid.

Real: That’s what I need! Face gear!

Chance: You got some, uh, camouflage skinny jeans? Well, just give me the smallest, tightest pair of pants you got.

Chance: I’m ready to get in this boar’s butt.

Chance (on human piss versus hog piss): It smells urine-y. Not assy. This smells like a booty.

Choice quotes from the people they encounter:

“You got the belt with your name on it? ‘Cause that’s why they do in Alabama.”

“I think if hogasaurus was in there, he would have had a couple of guys from L.A. in a minute.”

“What are you, a Chihuahua?”

“Have you ever crapped yourself before? Have you ever actually defecated on yourself? If you see a pig big enough out there, it’s gonna happen today.”

“You’ve been wasting our time for the last three days, man.”

Did Real and Chance succeed in their hunt?: No. Supposedly the one they caught was 500 lbs. But it’s hard to believe that this is less than a half pig short of being legendary:

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It also supposedly lived, despite appearances (they probably wouldn’t waste a tag on a dead pig, after all). But most hilariously, the picture that was snapped of Real, Chance and the people who entirely facilitated and executed this pig hunt…

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…has the actual pig cut out of it. That counts as a double-fail, right?

Related content
Real and Chance: The Legend Hunters show page
Real and Chance: The Legend Hunters videos and extras

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