On this week’s Real and Chance: The Legend Hunters, the boys were in pursuit of the highly mythical Burmese python. Haha, just kidding. It’s not a legend at all! Not that it matters! (I’m starting to wonder if “legend” is a synonym for “scary” that no one ever told me about.) Anyway, as you can see in the unusually informative scene above, fellow I Love New York alum Whiteboy joined them this episode, and you don’t see too much of him these days. Maybe he’s the legend?
This week’s hunted legend: I guess since Whiteboy technically is on the side of the hunters, and not the hunted, we’ll go to the Burmese python. It exists — you know it, I know it, you may have even held one in your increasingly numb hands. Apparently, some grow up to 30-feet long and weigh 500 lbs., which is out there and as close to legendary as we’re gonna get (even if the boys don’t ever get close to one that big).
Where: The Florida Everglades aka Whiteboy Land
Risks: Many other non-snake animals, being fooled by snakes’ camouflage, rouge green mambas, pulling a snake off and having its teeth stuck in you, snake poop, snake suffocation, snake consumption.
Choice quotes from Real and Chance:
Real: My equilibrium feels off.
Chance [on the wilderness rescue they visit]: You know, I bet this is how Michael Jackson’s backyard looked like, dawg.
Chance: I ain’t ready to be Jake the Snake!
Chance: Bobby said we were gonna be on a yacht. This yacht is not.
Real: Apartment boat. Halfway house boat, and I didn’t just get out of prison.
Real: I’m glad to have you as a brother, Ray J.
Chance: Listen here, Brandy!
Real: First we worried about gators, then we worried about snakes, now we’re worried about quicksand. Mother nature, you are one bitch.
Real: This thing’s contracting! Or constructing! Or whatever!
Choice quotes from the people they encounter:
“Ya play with fire you get burned” (via a snake handler who’s been bit over 70 times)
“This is an extreme animal, OK?”
“Actually, guys, that was bad” (after Real, Chance and Whiteboy agreed that their snake wrangling “wasn’t too bad”)
“Do you mind if I ask you a question, hon? Are you on VH1? My family is not gonna believe I met Ray J!”
“I always tell people, ‘These animals are a lot more afraid of you than you are of them.’ But these three guys? No. They’re a lot more afraid of everything that’s out there.”
Did Real and Chance succeed in their hunt?: Well, they found some trash! They did come across a sizable python, but Chance had a meltdown when he was made to carry a snake back and he refused. Real conceded that their caught snake (which they gave the theatrical name of “Liza”) was not 30 feet long, but “it could be one day.” So basically, this show is hunting tomorrow’s legends today. It’s practically community outreach, even.