Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It Recap – Episode 1 – After Shock

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Welcome to the party…

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Welcome to Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It, the show that asks the question: how do you move on from a brain hemorrhage…and Rock of Love?

Interestingly, we begin much as we did the first time around…

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We saw a very similar image of Bret on the open road with his arms outstretched in the very first episode of Rock of Love. At that point, our sense of what baggage he might be carrying started and ended with clingy groupies. Now, we know much, much more about Bret Michaels’ reality…

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Just before this show as shot, he suffered a brain hemorrhage that threatened to be the ultimate thorn of the rose that is his life. In his own words, “On April 12, 2010, my rockin’ good life got completely derailed.” And so, when we resume on his reality, it’s during downtime as he heals at home in his beautiful Arizona estate…

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…with his beautiful girlfriend Kristi and their beautiful daughters, Raine and Jorja, and their beautiful daughters’ beautiful rats.

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I’m not trying to be weird about animals. I’m just saying that if there is an aesthetic hierarchy amongst rats (and there must be!), then you can be damn sure that Bret got his daughters the prettiest ones. He just tends to surround himself with beautiful woman and I have no reason to believe that he’d stop at rats.

Anyway, we see Bret do some chores. Many involve cleaning up animal poop. Clearly, “Nothin’ but a Good Time” predicted this moment years ago. He also rigs some rakes to a golf cart as a way of speeding up his work…

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It reminds me of a Homer Simpson invention that actually works.

Anyway, Bret’s going stir crazy and is ready to get back out on the road. His assistant Janna warns him of public naysayers…

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But the biggest hurdles in that respect are the ones who live in his own home. “Can I go back on the road and play music?” he asks his daughters. No one’s particularly jazzed about the idea. “I can tell Raine’s thinking about it ‘cause she’s not saying much,” Bret explains. We’ll have to take his word for it and refrain from interpreting it as brooding.

None the less, Bret resolves to live like he’s dying, adding, “and at the rate I’m going, that’s coming pretty quick.” I guess brushes of death have their way of turning your sense of humor morbid. Kristi isn’t crazy about the idea of Bret touring so soon after his hemorrhage, and I have a feeling that his words to little to assure her: “Even if I give 100 percent of 50 or 75 percent and I just limp out like, ‘Hey, how ya doin’?’ I think the fans will understand.” Kristi isn’t so sure his daughters will be as understanding, but she nonetheless explains that Bret’s healing mind is made up and he needs their support.

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He receives it and it is adorable.

With Bret on the road Kristi needs to go to the gym to clear her head.

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Funnily enough, her trainer’s name is Brett. I’m guessing the extra T is for “trainer.” Since, you know, all extra letters must always be accounted for. Anyway, her trainer humorously encourages her to take out any residual aggression she might have over Rock of Love on the boxing pads.

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He keeps calling it Rock and Love. Not only is it incorrect, if you interpret the “love” as a verb, it feels really wrong. Like, unholy. Anyway, he repeatedly asks her, “Which Rock and Love girl was that?” after she hits the pad.

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She doesn’t answer, which drives me crazy! I really want to know which one she resents the most. Perhaps we’ll get a follow-up catharsis segment at a target range and she’ll bring the targets?

Bret jets to Biloxi, Mississippi, where he participates in a series of interviews about “old Bretty’s broke-down body.” When he puts it like that, his health woes almost sound cute! He, of course, calls home and gets an earful from Raine…

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“Hope you don’t break anything else besides what you did already. Did enough damage,” she tells him. I feel like Raine is way stricter with Bret than he is with her. The call starts a dialogue, in which the girls get out their fears about their father’s well-being. “He’ll be fine. He’s tough,” Kristi tells them. “Are you sure about that?” squeaks Jorja with the adorable concern of Cindy Lou Who. Man, I hope now more than ever that her Santa Claus pulls through.

Anyway, Bret plays his show. He apparently has a very big diabetic following…

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(The middle woman introduces herself as such.) But even those who aren’t apparently diabetic are awesome in their own, Rock of Love-reminiscent ways.

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In the end, calls this show the “perfect medicine.” “I came here, I rocked. Life rocks,” he adds. He’s accomplished so much in such a short amount of time, clearly the sky’s the limit for his life and the show that’s following it.

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