Dawn Neufeld’s Playbook – Football Wives Episode 5

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Dawn Neufeld of Football Wives has agreed to blog for us, giving us weekly behind-the-scenes insight and dishing on each of her show’s episodes. Her take on Episode 5 is below (the bolding is our editorial emphasis, not hers)

Cookiegate on the Cookie Cruise!

Pilar has been blowing up the airwaves this week insinuating I am not a good mother, wife and professional because of my behavior on this week’s episode. This coming from the woman who claims that she is the victim of bullying by the Football Wives cast and that she is the innocent party in all of this. This is a tough blog for me to write because I’m a little emotional after watching this episode and reading some of the hateful and disparaging comments online about the incident we jokingly refer to as “Cookiegate.” Of course, I’m referring to the confrontation on the boat where I wasted a perfectly good and tasty chocolate chip cookie by throwing it at Pilar. What in the world would make me so mad that I’d throw a cookie? According to folks on the web, it’s because I’m jealous of Pilar’s beauty and money. Maybe it was a little “liquid courage” that gave me the nerve to tell Pilar how I really felt about her and her behavior. Here is a little behind-the-scenes perspective that might give some insight on how the Cookiegate scandal came to fruition…

Before I delve into the drama, let me explain a little bit about Ryan’s injury and our financial situation. Ryan suffered a relatively minor PCL tear. It’s a minor injury because it doesn’t require surgery and with intense rehab, a player can be back on the field in a couple of weeks. Actually, after Ryan felt the pop in his knee that day, he went on to complete practice – he didn’t even think it was that big of a deal. Ryan was told by his coaches that they planned on bringing him back to Omaha once he completed his rehab. Ryan spent several weeks at a facility in Birmingham, Alabama where he worked tirelessly so that he could be cleared and get back on the field. We were both devastated to hear that Ryan was not on the Nighthawks’ roster on cut day and that, in fact, they had given his number away to another player. Ryan really thought the team was going to stick by him and even hoped that at some point this season, they would bring him back to Omaha if there was a need. So much for loyalty. Unfortunately, this happens A LOT in football. Guys get hurt, they are told they’ll be brought back, then they never hear from the team again.

Bottom line – Ryan got laid off. There was no severance package, no compensation for his time, injury, etc. Many folks in this economy know exactly what this feels like, and they know how hard and difficult finding another job can be. Ryan is currently working for the National Collegiate Scouting Association and is enjoying what he’s doing. But he hates that he wasn’t able to play in what was supposed to be his last football season and hang up his cleats on his own terms.

Moving on, let’s talk about the boat trip and what turned into a screaming match in the middle of Lake Lewisville on a perfect Texas summer day. This is where writing this blog is going to be hard. I cannot address what happened on the boat without talking about my experiences with Pilar leading up to that day. Folks are going to say that I’m just hating on Pilar or that I’m jealous. Neither are true. What I know is that there are a lot of people on Team Pilar – like, a lot of people and they really, really like her and will defend her at my expense. This became apparent to me when I got booed on stage at a club appearance this weekend after I told the crowd to tune into the show to watch me cuss Pilar out. I realized that a lot of people love her public persona – her beauty, wealth and lifestyle are captivating and interesting to people. But it was her blatant disrespect for those around her lucky enough to be graced by her presence that finally pushed me to my breaking point.

As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I was open to developing a friendship with Pilar in the beginning and hoped we would do so. I even said the following during one of my early interviews for the show: “I like Pilar. She seems like a nice person and we have a lot in common. I look forward to getting to know her.” We actually had some great interactions early on, from a wonderful dinner at an Italian restaurant to her coming to my house for our going-away barbecue for the guys. Contrary to what Pilar has said, we were not out to get her from the beginning.

I stated in a previous blog that the day we had to drive an hour south at the last minute for Pilar’s boot camp was the beginning of the end for me. I couldn’t understand why in the world we would all be inconvenienced and have to drive so far away to get to boot camp when Pilar’s spacious property (football-field included) and other perfectly suitable locations were available much closer to home. The second I pulled into the parking lot, everything became clear when I saw a sign for the Sanders’ football program. It appeared to me that boot camp had been set up to help promote their football team. Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem with people on reality shows hawking their products and businesses. We were all supportive of each other’s endeavors on our show. But I found out from a close and reliable friend shortly after boot camp that Pilar usually didn’t conduct this fitness program at football practice. I was bothered that we’d all been inconvenienced that day but like Pilar said in the boot camp episode, we should’ve been more appreciative for being allowed into her world.

As taping of Football Wives continued, patterns began to emerge. Pilar would arrive at the scheduled call times and then we’d have to wait for her to apply her makeup which took a while. I can name two specific occasions off the top of my head that I remember this happening – once at a taping at a high-end boutique and another at a cast dinner. For me, time is money – missed hours at work, time away from my family, babysitting, etc. My time is precious, and having to wait for Pilar didn’t make me happy.

Pilar was always very standoffish with us. It seemed as though we were expected to go out of our way to be nice to her (and we always were – very cordial and inviting), but we were lucky if she even spoke to us if the cameras weren’t rolling. I remember one particular evening at a local Mexican restaurant – we had a little time to kill before we started shooting and Pilar went and stood in the corner on her phone while the rest of us hung out. The second we sat down for dinner and the cameras started rolling, she acted like we were all good friends. Pilar made several comments to me that night that rubbed me the wrong way. She made several references to me having a margarita – she would say that I’d had too much to drink and I needed a sip of water. Other cast mates were having cocktails and she didn’t make any comments about their drinking. She went on to say several times that I was so “skinny.” Under normal circumstances, I’d take this as a compliment because I work hard to take care of and maintain my figure. But she kept saying things like, “You need to eat. You’re so skinny.” I interpreted her comments as implying that I might have an eating disorder. I asked another cast mate if she was hearing the same thing and she told me yes. Pilar would later go on to say she was just kidding. I’m not sure when alcoholism or eating disorders became something to joke about but I certainly didn’t think it was funny.

What pushed me over the edge with Pilar was when I confirmed the rumor circulating that Pilar would not let our crew use the restrooms in her palatial home – they had to use the pool house like they were hired help. I understand not letting random strangers into your house to pee, but we worked with the same crew for almost four months and they were amazing! They were always respectful of my space, my home, and my family. They would come into my house and play with my kids and pets. We broke bread together. They really did become a part of the family. It was hard for me to hear that they were being disrespected. I thought I might’ve been making too much about the situation until I recently heard a radio interview in which Pilar addressed the Internet story that said she wouldn’t allow the crew to use one of her 13 bathrooms. During the interview, she never actually denied the allegation. What she said was something along the lines of that she has more than 13 bathrooms and more than 109 acres of land. She went on to say that she doesn’t let just anyone into her home to disrespect it and leave their droppings all over the place. Droppings? Who refers to other human beings using the word “droppings?” If that isn’t disrespectful, I don’t know what is.

My final straw was the evening we took our cast picture – this was the night before we went out on the cookie cruise. We’d gathered at a beautiful home in Westlake, Texas for the shoot and the incredibly generous homeowners set us up in their fully-equipped gym with all the necessary facilities to get ready. Pilar walked in with the homeowner, saw the room we were in and then asked if there was somewhere else she could change. She has since said that the room was “too crowded.” It seemed to work for the rest of us. It upset me that she wouldn’t let the crew impose on her and her home by using her bathroom facilities, but she’d impose on this homeowner and insist on changing somewhere else. I knew Pilar was in ear shot of me that night when I voiced my disapproval of her behavior because I could hear her giggling in the nearby room. You could’ve cut the tension that night with a knife as we sat for our cast picture. It was very clear that evening that a definitive line had been drawn. It did seem like “everyone vs. Pilar,” but not without good reason. I know a lot of these examples may seem like small and petty things to get upset about, but when they happen over and over again over a short period of time, it’s easy to get fed up and have enough!

That’s exactly what happened on the cookie cruise. We got on the boat that evening ready to have a good time. Pilar came on the cruise because she had to – not because she wanted to. I can’t blame her – no one was really happy with her at that point, which is why Melani had a point when she said to us that Pilar was “brave” for getting on the boat. Pilar did get on the boat, posted up in her seat, and got on her phone as usual. At one point we were taking a cast picture – after taking one without Pilar, I asked her to get in the picture. After all, we are a cast and I wanted my memories of the Football Wives experience to include all of us. She initially protested and said no. I asked again and she agreed. The calm before the storm…

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We were about two hours into the cruise before all hell broke loose. We’d been having an amazing time – taking turns on the pole, enjoying the sunset and goofing around – just having fun. Chanita even threw my flip flop into the lake after the other one fell in. We just laughed about it. Things got serious when Amanda asked why Pilar didn’t show any concern about Chanita being in the hospital. I can tell you this – I certainly wouldn’t have expected Pilar to go out of her way to visit Chanita in the hospital or at home. They aren’t friends so why would she? What I did expect was that she would show some concern, and she didn’t. Watching last night’s episode confirmed to me that Chanita’s health was not on Pilar’s radar as something to be concerned about.

Then it happened – Pilar lied about not knowing what was going on with Chanita (as confirmed by Erin who doesn’t say a lot, but when she does, it’s golden). I just couldn’t take it anymore. Yes, I was disrespectful to Pilar on that boat but she’d lost my respect a long time ago. As she talked to me in her condescending tones, calling me “sweetie” and “honey,” I had just had it. The only thing in my hand was a cookie, so I threw it. I did not throw the cookie at her – my aim is pretty good and if I wanted to hit her, I would’ve. But I also know that I might’ve been the target of a battery lawsuit if it had, and I wasn’t going to subject myself to that. And remember when Pilar “joked” about me being skinny at the restaurant? She sure did tell me to sit my skinny behind down on the boat. I bet she was joking then too.

I can take full responsibility for the language I used on the cruise, but I will not back down for standing up for what I believe is right. I hope that at some point, Pilar might take some responsibility for her part in this – she is not innocent. Pilar said on the boat that night that we’re not friends, we will never be friends, that I’m never invited to her house, and that I want her life. Why on earth would I be cordial to someone who has been so rude and disrespectful to me? She let me know exactly how she felt about me on the cruise that night – and I didn’t mince words either. You do see me shut up at one point though – nothing was getting accomplished and I was tired of the drama. I was over it.

I know this was a long blog but I had to tell what happened behind-the-scenes so people had a better understanding of why I blew up. People say that I am jealous of Pilar because of her money and beauty. If it’s the money, wouldn’t I be hatin’ on Amanda too? Amanda is loaded – like tens of millions of dollars loaded – but I love her to death and she has become a great friend from shooting the show. So is it beauty? I think Pilar is stunning. I said it – STUNNING! She is a beautiful, beautiful woman. But I’ve been around plenty of beautiful women and beauty is certainly not something I covet – that would make me pretty shallow.

If Pilar takes issue with anything I’ve said in this blog, she is more than welcome to post her own blog entry – and I encourage her to do so if I somehow misinterpreted her behavior.

Make sure you tune in for the next episode – Pilar and I aren’t done yet. But you’ll also see what can happen when we push our issues aside in the name of football.

You can contact Dawn via Facebook and Twitter.

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  1. Silina says:

    Dawn you are such a petty, petty person. It AMAZES me that you again, have nothing to say, but just bash Pilar. Wow!!! I think you really need to deal with your emotions. You are outta control. I mean the reasons you give for being mad at Pilar should and can be overlooked by mature adults. It is nothing to lose sleep over let alone repeat. My goodness, please stop yourself, hold a mirror up and look at you. You only feel disrespected because you disrespect.

  2. Jacqueline says:

    If you don’t like someone why can’t you both just agree that you don’t like each other and just be cordial and keep it moving. Its seems like every episode you all start it with Pillar. The last episode looks like you were taking the fustration from your husband losing his job unto Pillar. Yes it was definately wrong that she lied but you should’ve been the bigger person and not acted like that. Also, holy Amanda should have a better approah if she wants to be labeled as a Christian. Her behavior was just as inappropriate as yours!

  3. Silina says:

    Oh and one more tidbit….”I got booed on stage at a club appearance this weekend after I told the crowd to tune into the show to watch me cuss Pilar out.” Dawn I am not surprised by the response of the crowd as you wrote. Of course you would get boo’d. Do understand that you are promoting the wrong thing here. Why would you even repeat this??? Why would you even say this to a crowd of people??? Where are your internal censor buttons??? You lack a WHOLE LOTTA class Dawn. I also believe this “lie” you say Pilar told is just some antics, it is sooo unreal that this is an actual issue. Who cares if Pilar went to the hospital or not. Is she a Doctor??? What could she do for Chanita ANYWAYS??? They are not FRIENDS!!! Chanita is a liar to say she would visit an enemy in the hospital. She wouldn’t and neither would you!

    Lastly you mention that “Pilar has been blowing up the airwaves this week insinuating I am not a good mother, wife and professional because of my behavior on this week’s episode. This coming from the woman who claims that she is the victim of bullying by the Football Wives cast and that she is the innocent party in all of this.” What airwaves to you speak of? Again why repeat this??? Are you guilty for your behavior in Episode 5? It was not classy nor ladylike, so you blame Pilar for your choice of actions, are you not taking responsiblity now?? On the bullying note, Pilar to me, does not look like a victim, she as a matter of fact handled hers. She did not cower as you did with Chanita when she told you she would walk you like a dog. Whether you were wrong or right, if she is your so called “friend” that is not how you speak. I actually think that Pilar comes off as being very confident. She doesn’t have to get on a pole, drink and swear. She looked like she was enjoying the water and the boat ride. All of you women are not happy, including Amanda. I think there are no accidents in life and that all of you were put together to learn something about others and about yourselves. As for you Dawn, instead of fighting what the viewer sees of you start reflecting and change that hardened heart of yours. It is embarrassing to see you put your husband in very uncomfortable conversations. He is a man and you emasculate him when you talk the way you talk to him. You are ALWAYS talking about money!! Maybe you should be full-time instead of part-time, hopefully you will be busier and put your mind on things that are not frivolous, such as your blogs – just my suggestion.

  4. Team Dawn says:

    Are you guys blind? Pilar walks around with this rude attitude as if she’s better than the rest of the Football Wives cast! Dawn should have thrown more than a cookie! Futhermore, Pilar flat out lied, which again shows what kind of character and integrity she has. I pray that if there is a season 2 Pilar is not on it!

  5. Ms Celic says:

    I think all of the ladies are hating on Pilar. She is a very beautiful & confidant women. She has a life, with a lot going on in it. So she’s not sitting around thinking of stupid things to argue with the other ladies about because she has so much do to already. I think you ladies especially Chanita the drama queen, needs to find herself something more to do. Like help her huband get picked up, drafted or something.

  6. Shannon says:

    Dawn…really this entire blog was so extra. Unfortunately for you the camera has not shown all of these prior incidents. You ladies were put together for this show you don’t have to like each other..it is what it is and it ain’t what it ain’t. Cleary you in fact do have issues with Pilar, maybe not jealousy but envy is lurking around the corner. You nor Chanita come off in a good light on the show, it’s like the mean girls club. True Pilar may have some stuff with her but, wow you ladies are acting like teenagers and not grown women. Pilar’s husband is a hall of fame candidate, they apparently planned well for life after football…don’t hate. Your husband had a blank look on his face when you asked him at dinner, so what’s next???? (duh look) Come on now, how do you not plan for life after football, maybe you can get a job. I wish all you guys the best, but this show has been lacking of any real content.

  7. ZD says:

    @TeamDawn…the person with the rude attitude is actually Dawn. Dawn very rudely interrupts when others are speaking constantly. She interrupted Amanda speaking to Pilar and then it went left. Dawn displays herself as if she is better than because she does not conduct herself in a very respectful manner as @Silina commented. I agree. It is most unfortunate that these women are too comfortable to exhibit such behavior on film. Do they know its on film? It is forever. For those that are “TeamDawn” there is nothing to cheer about. This show leaves a very awful feeling after watching. I do hope it is canceled and no reunion show happens either. :-(

  8. Attorneymom says:

    Amanda, the Holy Roller, started this one. It was unnecessary and inappropriate for Amanda to bring up Pilar’s lack of attendance at the hospital or concern for Chanita during the boat trip, especially knowing how estranged the relationships are between the cast.

  9. Alison M. Caddell says:

    First I want define what Team Pilar means to me…simply put, the better name would be Team TV Persona Pilar. What I mean by that, is that I’m intelligent enough to know that I cannot truly know a person from the way they are edited onto the TV screen.

    Second, Dawn, I think you need to be more conscious of this as well. Pilar keeps herself very cool, calm and collected. It makes her look like the bigger person. You on the other hand (based on your account of the details leading up to cookie-gate and how those details affected you) allowed emotions and thoughts build up inside of you until you lost control of yourself, your behavior, and your emotions.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking a stand, defending your beliefs, and defending your friends. But all of that was lost in the behavior you displayed. You are a lawyer and already know that presentation is everything. If you were in a courtroom defending your client, you know that the jury would take you and your defense seriously if you presented it calmly but passionately; on the other hand, if you started yelling at the prosecutor, threw your pen at him/her, and consistently & angrily told him you weren’t scared of him, the jury would be distrated from your defense by your actions.

    I watch a LOT of reality shows and just like any other kind of show or story, I react to the characters presented. The characters in movies and sitcoms are based on what the writers write…the characters in a reality show are based on how the editors present the actions of the people. If ever you continue to be on this show or any other reality show, be conscious of that. Obviously, with Pilar having had a reality show before, she already was.

    Dawn, think always about your true character and how that can be changed or enhanced with your actions on the show.

    Also, I think that the reason you got booed is because you reference yourself cussing somebody out. You didn’t say “Tune it to see the way my relationship with Pilar develops.” You put the emphasis on what YOU did to HER. The fact that it was a cuss-out, probably made it perceived as even more of a negative action.

    Finally Dawn, you’ve probably seen my name quite a bit on the facebook page for football wives. I’m one of the people that has not been praising your actions. The reason for that is because I’m disappointed, in how you are allowing someone else to affect you and your behavior. Regardless of what Pilar is or isn’t, you only have control over what you are or are not. If she’s as bad a person as you think she is, then just stand back and let her prove it with her actions…and don’t distract us from that with your loss of control.

  10. tiffany says:

    First off, I am a fellow football wife. So, I totally understand the finanical struggles that Dawn and her hubby are going through. My hubby played for eight years and was also league miminum. But,lets not paint a doom and gloom picture of the NFl. Even league minimum is great money!!! And being able to make that amount of money for 2, 3, or even 5 years is a great and wonderful blessing. It is up to US to sustain the money, invest properly and if we dont financial troubles are bound to exist.

    Dawn, I feel as if you ARE taking the victim role!!!! And yes I do believe envy is present. I am not condoning Pilar’s behavior but when you get soooo mad with her actions it is something within yourself that you are dealing with that makes you that angry. So what if Pilar doesnt want the staff to use her restrooms… What does that have to do with you? Yes, it wasnt the nicest thing to do, but why does that bother you?.. Charnita made a comment, saying you and your hubby are struggling finaincially and Pilar is riding the Deion Train!! WTF!!!! If that isn’t envy in its purest form I don;t know what is. I read this quote a while back in this book which stuck with me,”If someone actions make you angry, it is not the actions you are angry with, it is something within yourself that is upsetting you.”

    This is not a bash Dawn post either, i just want you to reflect and stop pointing the finger. If Pilar doesnt want to be friends, it seems as if you arent lacking in the friend dept. Leave her alone!!!

  11. tiffany says:

    And one more thing, anytime there is a problem; there is never one person to blame. each party contributes to the problem and each party has to contribute to the solution. So instead of trying to see how Pilar is in the wrong figure out how Dawn is in the wrong. And when you change yourself/actions everything else will fall into place. Always does!!! And it takes a lot less energy to change yourself…

  12. Cutelycurious says:

    @Alison M Caddell..I couldn’t agree wit u more…everything u said was dead on point..I love Dawn..she is 1 of my favorite FBW’s…I’m sure that she will take all creative criticism..look at how her character was portrayed on FBW…so that next time she feel as thou she need 2 get something off of her chest..she’ll find a more positive & professional way 2 do it..2 every1 that love her & even the 1′s that don’t..should give her a pass on this 1 bcuz she had a lot goin on & she was a lil tipsy that day on the Boat ride..I’m sure she’s not that way usually..so lets love her bcuz she’s a beautiful person INSIDE & OUT!!

  13. Dawn says:

    As I anticipated, Team Pilar is in full effect, and that’s cool.

    I just wanted to address fellow football wife Tiffany. I agree with you – have never stated that we didn’t earn a good living while my husband was in the league. But we’ve also been living off of savings for three years while my husband tried to continue his football career and ultimately while he’s going through the transition. Unfortunately, the editing on the show has made it seem like I’m primarily focusing on money – I can’t control what they want to show. But the reality is that 80% of players are in extreme financial distress two years after retiring from the sport, and we were not immune. My husband got laid off – I would hope that people can appreciate that when a spouse loses his income, it can be stressful. You’ve obviously done okay – maybe you can be a voice for other NFL wives and start working with us to explain what you guys did right to help others avoid our fate.

    It’s amazing that I’m being held to a higher standard because I’m a professional, while Pilar can act and treat people however she wants without consequence. It’s been interesting to see that she gets a “pretty pass” from so many folks. This wasn’t a point the finger at Pilar post and I knew many people would just read it as me hatin’. Fact of the matter is, I was providing info as to what in the world would push me to go off the way I did. It wasn’t alcohol – hadn’t had but a beer that night two hours before the argument started. But again, I know a lot of this doesn’t even matter because I’m apparently just jealous of Pilar.

    Maybe there may be some envy involved here – I might be envious of the fact that people seem to be okay with Pilar’s behavior while the ladies I think are a class act are constantly having to defend themselves. It’s gotten old.

    Again, I invite Pilar to respond to this blog in her own blog post to set the record straight!

  14. Alison M. Caddell says:

    I have to say, so far this is the best show I’ve ever watched. Because I’m learning so much about how to be as a woman:
    (1) Athletes are NOT the goldmine that a lot of women assume they are. I was never into the idea of marrying for money anyway, because I’m way too ADD to be a kept woman or stay-at-home mom.
    (2) If I or my spouse comes into a nice chunk of change that is not guaranteed for the the following year (and could be taken away with the snap of a finger…or body part) I better save up AND keep my day job.
    (3) If I feel like I am dealing with an evil, malicious or crazy woman, I need to brush it off, not dwell on it, focus on my actions, and let her prove me right (or wrong, if I was misjudging).
    (4) The people you hang out with will have a serious affect on how other people see you.
    (5) I don’t ever want a job where I am contractually required to hang with females I don’t like.

  15. Mrs. H says:

    Hey Dawn,

    I know it probably feels bad to think the whole world is against you, but guess what, they’re not. I think people just expect more of you because you are educated and yes, that may not be fair but it is reality. Pilar does not get a pass just because she is beautiful– fist of all, beauty is only skin deep, and as far as looks go, you are just as beautiful as she. Pilar gets a pass because the show always portrays you and chanita and amanda (of course with chanita as the ring leader) as having a problem with pilar, going off on her, and or talking about her behind her back. IN fact, it often seems like Pilar gets more screen time from you guys always having her in your mouth, than she does from actually being on the show. Is it editing– probably somewhat, but still, that is what the public is seeing. I believe what you are saying about the behind the scenes stuff because Pilar comes across like she can be a real (whooooo…) however you are reacting on camera about things that we don’t see- which is why your behavior seems innapropriate and over the top. Also, you seem to be too bothered by Pilar’s behavior and her not wanting to join your inner circle. I don’t understand why you cant, in the words of the brilliant George Foster,
    ” just take pilar for who she is (or something like that” and leave it at that. She’ll never be you’re bosom buddy, but like others have said, you guys can be cordial and respectful. So yes, you do have allies. The fact that some of us are making comments are just us talking from one sista to another helping her to grow and get better. Last thing, I know chanita is your friend, but you seem too eager to run to her defense when she has issues with someone. Let chanita fight her own battles– don’t get caught up so much in her drama, because she definitely comes across as someone whose gonna have alot of drama with alot of people until she learns to control that mouth! Leave that drama to chanita and pilar and you focus on your babies and that hubby– you’ll be fine girl!!!!!!
    Much love Dawn

  16. Liz says:

    I’m definitely not Team Pilar, but when you lose your cool and focus almost 100% of your energy talking about one person, you seem to be the one not taking the high road. You shouldn’t feel the need to so vigorously defend yourself at all times. It makes you look desperate and I don’t think it’s necessary.

  17. Team Dawn says:

    Dawn,

    I just finished reading your blog and I BELIEVE AND AGREE WITH YOU 100%!

    The way that Pilar presented herself to the viewers is totally her fault. I guess she thought that someone was gong to like that bad a?? attitude of hers. NOT
    I don’t like her attitude. Anyone who would allow someone into their home and then ask them to use the bathroom in the poolhouse is just rude. If you’re going to do that, get a Port A Potty.

    You broke it down and explained why you were at a point of, I can’t take any more. I would have been there too. I appreciate you for doing that, but you don’t have to explain it to these bloggers. These comments are coming from a selected few – believe me.
    It would take a naive person to watch the show and not be able to see Pilar for what she is. Pilar got this ball rolling. In the first episode, Chanita was trying to make a point about Pilar and Melani getting up and walking out of bible study. Chanita said to Pilar, “What if I came to your house and get up and walk out during bible study?” Pilar responded, “Well, we don’t have to worry about that will we.” I knew right then that she was going to be a problem. I knew it!!

    Remember this, always stand up for what you believe and call it out when it’s wrong. Don’t tolerate hypocrites and liars. You right about this whether someone of the bloggers believe you or not. I’m puzzled by someone sitting there and watching the show and then taking the time to write in and call you a hater. Did they watch the same show that I saw?

    I am an older female (49) and I analyze everything. I always call things as I see it. I don’t believe in gray areas. You’re either right or you’re wrong. Pilar got on tv and showed the world that she lies and she does not give a ___ about a sick person who has had to go to the hospital as a result of an emergency. When asked why she didn’t show up, she lied. When a person lies, you can’t trust them.

    One more thing. Pilar is not beautiful to me. Maybe there is something there behind that bad attitude, I just haven’t seen it. I bet my Thanksgiving turkey that Pilar is going to be into with someone else before the show is over.

    I hope you and your beautiful family have a blessed Thanksgiving. Stay true to who you are. You are beautiful inside and out. Not be disrespectful, your husband is a HUNK! The two of you are a beautiful couple with beautiful children. I pray for many blessings for your family.

  18. RealityBites says:

    Look at the list of things Dawn lists as affronts by Pilar. Only one has anything to do with her. (Pilar calling her skinny.) That other stuff? Who cares? So what she didn’t let the crew use her bathroom? She shouldn’t have if she didn’t feel comfortable doing so. If you chose to allow them to play with your kids, that’s YOUR decision. It doesn’t make her stuck up or your more of a people person. It just means you allowed them to play with your kids. Period.
    And why would anyone be required to show their concern over someone who obviously does not like them (Chanita) in the same way you show yours? Maybe she went home and prayed for Chanita, maybe she didn’t. But whatever she did, it is her choice. But yet again you are concerned with what SHE is doing. The way people react to you has nothing to do with “drinking the Pilar Koolaid”. It is all about YOU. That’s what you and Chanita fail to see. You try to make it about Pilar. Which leads one to believe it comes from a place of envy.
    You obviously can’t see how you come across, and after reading this blog, I realize it isn’t the editing. It is actually your personality/character. I’m saying, as a grown woman there are certain things you may want to learn about people. 1. You cannot control another’s actions. 2. You should know and accept that everyone is not like you. 3. Reacting to every little thing like a personal attack is pointless. 4. Age does not mean you’re grown. 5. Everyone won’t see things the exact same way you do. GET OVER IT.
    Yes Pilar comes off as more stable and more confident than you all. And Amanda comes off as extremely superficial and like an instigator. Sorry. If that isn’t your character, maybe you all should work on showing your true characters, not just being characters.

  19. tiffany says:

    Thanks for responding Dawn.. By no means do we have it figured out!!! In hindsight, We would have done alot and I mean alotttt of things different!!!I said that, because it seemed as if you guys (and of course I know editing is a major part of this depiction) were focusing on all the bad things about the NFL and I justed wanted to mention it provided a GREAT lifestyle and set us up for a GREAT opportuinty to win. It is up to us as veteran wives to speak to the younger ones and prepare them for the future. Because the checks will stop!!! And we have to be prepared. Of course we know this now…

    By know means does Pilar get a “pretty pass” from me. I’m speaking to you about you. And if this was a blog from Pilar, I would be speaking to her about her. It is always advantageous to speak to the person who is speaking of the problem, everything else is irrelevant. If Dawn can see where she is at fault and change Dawn’s ways everything else will follow. As mentioned earlier, If I were speaking to Pilar, I would tell her the same thing, find where Pilar is wrong and correct those actions everything else will fall into place. I feel it is such a waste of time to point the finger, because everybody has a perception of someone’s elses actions wrong or right. It is only your perception!!! universal wrong or right does not exist!!!

    And to comment on someone’s post, who stated you are all about the money because you asked your hubby whats next… I see NOOOOO problem with that statement. That is called planning for the next stage. Alot of times professional athletes like to waddle in sorrow post career, however the bills arent waddling. There is nothing wrong with supporting your hubby as he transitions to another career.

    sorry for misspellings

  20. Shannon says:

    @ Dawn I can appreciate your retort, however all of this is so simple minded. You are majoring in minor with this “Team Pilar Mess” who cares if Pilar will respond to your blog or not….please keep it moving!! There’s an old saying a hit dog will holla.

  21. Amanda says:

    edit-…”MUCH more realistic…”

  22. Janice says:

    Dawn,
    I completed understand what you are saying about Pilar. I know you are not jealous of her. Why would you be. You are just as beautiful as she is. Money is only temporary. It come and go. Pilar think she is a Movie Star. We have not seen her in any movies. Just her show with her husband. She is stuck up and her personality is ugly. Deon, Her husband need to get her in check. She is a embarrasement to her husband. I cannot stand her attitude. I would not want to be around her. Beauty is on the inside not the out. Love you Dawn. Keep your faith.

  23. Janice says:

    I cannot people are supporting Pilar behavior. Are we watching the same show. Why are you people Bashing Dawn. Are you vain like her. You must be her friends. I do not understand why you would support her the way that you are. Dawn. I did not like the way you talk to your husband. Both I think you were pushed to far. She has her foot stuck in her butt.

  24. Jac says:

    Don’t you get it, this is TV it’s all about the entertainment. Is it scripted, no, it’s EDITed for Good TV and a good cat fight is ratings. We will never see what ends up on the cutting room floor. Things aren’t always as they seem.

  25. Jill says:

    What is up with the photo on this blog???

  26. M Martin says:

    Dawn— I can almost promise you that Pilar has way too much class to respond to this mess; otherwise, you both need a reality check. It truly takes two…please remember sometimes silence is golden. Take a deep breath and count to three…this too shall pass! Just let it go you’re better than this. You’re allowing Pilar to rob you from your daily dose of happiness…stop hatin on Pilar and do you boo!!! Retract the horns and tuck your tail…all this drama isn’t necessary…SERIOUSLY!!!!

  27. tay says:

    @dawn you need to go somewhere with this mess honey i clare you stay with drama. pilar is too busy with her own life to be worried about this mess. You need to just worry bout your self and mind your business. Its not good to constanly have other ppls names coming out your mouth constantly its not a good look and ppl are starting to get tired of it. When this show started airing I really liked you at the begining but now your true colors and character are really starting to come out. Now everyone knows how you really are so pls get your own self together before you try to point out someone eles flaws ect.. you ever herd the term sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mines?? YOU should try it sometime..

  28. Angela says:

    Dear, it is so evident to anyone that watches that you are VERY ENVIOUS of Pilar. If you don’t like her just ignore her.

    You behaved so very bad and in front of millions of viewers. I wonder what your family and your husbands family think of your AWFUL behavior and your very big and vulgar mouth. One day your children might see you acting like a clown on T.V. But somehow I don’t believe that you really care. SHAMEFUL!!

  29. GeRod says:

    I’m shocked and surprised to see that VH1 has decided to censor and delete my posts to dawn’s (little d for a little person) Bog. It’s obvious that my clowning dawn about her obsession with Pilar didn’t sit well with her! I am disappointed with VH1 for either allowing dawn to or protecting dawn’s blog from any viewers’ constant disapproving comments. Why then dawn and/or VH1, would you allow viewers to comments if you don’t want to hear what they have to say?!? Maybe if no one were commenting or even watching these shows, you will have more or even some respect from those whose business you are seeking! I’m sure that this post will not make it past 24 hours before it too gets deleted, but I did want dawn, VH1 and well as you other precious viewers, of just how they (dawn and VH1) value us!

    Deuces!!!

  30. ThankUTiffany says:

    Thank you Tiffany! Well said, if this was Pilar’s blog you would of said to her what she did wrong. I will say rather the wives like it or not when you sign up for a docu-drama show I call it that vs. reality show b/c to me its not a reality show when you have producers edit and make things look as if they didn’t happen vs as they really did rather it be for time or just to get ratings or just to make things appear as they happened differently. So, when you do a docu-drama show you put your self out there to be criticized. Regardless of the reasons you say why your doing the show, it could be money, or to promote charities or child hood mental and medical illnesses, money, life styles, money did I say money? C mon any one who says that money wasn’t an incentive or some sort of a factor YOUR A LIAR even Donald Trump admitted he’ll never miss an opportunity to make $$ regarding when asked what motivated him to do TV. I know it don’t pay that much, whoa look at a lot of other celeb-reality stars out there now. Example Bethenny Frankel she is a multi millionaire now even though she only made $3K an episode. The media & just getting noticed perks are there when you appear on shows like these. I know some are bankrupt now but that’s their fault (Teresa Guidice) you cant drink champagne all the time when you really only have a beer budget (it will catch up) & lie to the IRS, or spend $100k cash on furniture on national TV & tell the court that everything in your house including the furniture is worth only & you only paid $60k meanwhile footage & receipts can become available as fast as you can bat an eyelash. Ppl aren’t stupid Teresa Giudice no matter how much you believe you think you can lie & make others believe your lies, YOU CAN’T get away with it forever lies catch up to ya. When you lie you have to keep lying to cover up a lie! I could go on all day about that and her. Anyways, If you all remember on Prime time w/ Pilar & Deon Dion however he spells it. D really made Pilar look like a nobody a$$ lol. He stated in front of her & the camera crew mind you that when she moved in she only had a gym bag of clothes-when they showed HIS closet and she stated that her closet don’t hold a match compared to his b/c his is so big. Then when Pilar had complained to her friend that D. didn’t appreciate everything that she does for him (at that time it was alot to my surprise) etc. Then the friend suggested that maybe to get even she go on a shopping spree w/ the credit cards and P. (I am going to abbreviate the names you know who I mean by now) shook her head NO b/c D. is the type who wouldn’t pay it would let it mess up your credit etc. That tells you something right there. D must not have joint credit cards with her as many couples do. With that being said maybe everything isn’t as perfect between them as P. makes it out to be, remember the episode when the cows (yes real freaking cows) came up by the house and D. made P. get them back down the the barn? So, I really think that its D who don’t want ppl to use the bathrooms and being that their house is so big (VH1 is bending over backwards to shoot Ochocinco (how ever you spell it) in basketball wives (I KNOW WTF he plays football) b/c he is dating Evelyn as its been reported, so maybe its really a money issue w/ D & VH1, or maybe they are paying Pilar money to act that way b/c she was nothing like that on Primetime and maybe they figured it would get the show ratings but didn’t let the other cast members in on it. maybe that can explain why P. sont usually hang with the cast? Trust me its 2 very different “characters” <- I use that word on purpose from primetime w/ D&P to FBW. I say this b/c I remember on jockey’s when Joe Talemo came out after the show aired and said he didn’t like it b/c the producers wanted him to play a cocky role which really wasn’t him at all then the producers pulled the plug controversy over is it reality if the producers tell cast mates to play a role? I bet you Chanita couldn’t keep that kind of secret if her life depended on it. Is it me or does she just not come across intelligent at all? I remember when I would watch the show I was shocked. I was thinking ooo you little cocky you know what you should be lucky that your so young and get to be where your at let alone be in the Kentucky Derby etc. I never seen him ever coming across that way in real life or heard from other jockey’s b/c if he was the other jockeys or trainers would pushed his but out. Believe me its a who you know world. You only get paid if you come in 1st place thru -4 th. You do get a set pay per race ($50 woo some jockeys only get 1 race per week its a you gotta prove you self sport). My husband is in to horse racing plus he is a handicapper part time aside from owning his own business. He knows a few things not a thing or two about the jockey life style and about every jockey’s reputation out there. Sorry I explained that but I want you to understand why I said that.
    It makes me wonder b/c it does seem to me that Pilar is playing a part lol how can you be so dang insulting/rude one minute and smile in the same. Who am I though I dunno I just try to look things sometimes at more way behind the scenes where that starts with the contracts when you have one like her (P).
    Now Dawn you say you think Pilar gets a pretty pass? lol hecks NO. Can you imagine if P. had a blog? Oh my holy F bombs would be on there. But being your the only cast member to blog and the only one to go to premiers and shout childish things like “tune in to watch me cuss out Pilar” plus throwing cookies towards ppl you open more doors for criticism. Just look at your self in that picture for the preview of Ep. 5 where your eating something. You look so angry, Honestly I don’t think a face of anger like yours looks in that pic. is stemmed from someone like p. (angers stems from hurt) that mad when in reality P. is not a part of your everyday life, it seems from Ep. 1 you have been angry for a while. Just like your comment you were gonna leave over the Em-Cing., its a freaking kids event Dawn! I know your attorney but honey its not always about you, OK! I just cant believe that you were gonna leave a kids event that your daughter was having fun at b/c loud mouth Chanita had her Em-C in the first place and instead when she finally showed up. I dont buy that you & Chanita are close as you make it seem at time. <- AT TIMES! U stated your self about the blow up she had w. u when she called to meet w. u about the comment about her daughter that you dont pay her no mind & ppl pick their own battles something like that. But if you 2 were close that wouldnt of happened. Or is it that no matter what you can’t talk sense in to Chanita? Who wants to be close to a person like that when you have to be on egg shells 24/7? Also since your the ONLY ONE blogging I think this is ANOTHER REASON why your getting criticism more than your cast members. Regardless of your purpose on why your blogging; when someone gets a chance to call someone out they will. Alot of ppl took this chance too,, I/me included. Just like no matter how much you plan in life don’t mean things will happen that way, I bet Chanita didn’t blog b/c her grammar skills are worse than mine, Amanda didn’t she’s a christian (eye-roll) Pilar didn’t b/c the $$ wasn’t right or even there & the others didn’t b/c they aint <- yep aint I’m from Pittsburgh crazy enough too. When you put your self out there Dawn dont expect the what you expected. Even more next time dont point the finger at one person so much b/c you have 4 four pointing right back at ya.
    Sorry for many misspells-oh well on phone to hard to go back and proofread. I bet ya this post dont make it.
    Never point the finger and blame others for your actions because you always have 4 four fingers pointing right back back at you..

  31. TeamAmazed says:

    I commend all of the women for being brave enough to put themselves out there for the sake of reality television. Unfortunately, as viewers, its hard to separate and piece together the events as they truly happen. We get caught up in the things we see, accept them as the full truth, and hop on our bandwagons. I never believed that “editing” should be an excuse, but I can see Dawn’s point. Lets face it, Pilar is beautiful and has “recession proof” money, but she’s hardly warm and fuzzy. I’m sure she’s amazing to the people she loves, but getting close to her seems as though it would be a challenge at least. Dawn, it hurt your argument when you mentioned your comment at the club…even if you were joking, it doesn’t paint you in a good light. Even in understanding your point of view, thats hard to digest. You say you went off on her as a result of built up frustration and “liquid courage,” but you glorify your inappropriate behavior. Pick a stance, and stick with it.

  32. Lynda says:

    I just want to say that I watched Pilar and her husbands reality show and I think I’m seeing a different Pilar. On that show, she seemed such a sweet, caring, loving person. I really liked watching her because she seemed so down to earth, funny, and a nice person. On this show, she seems the complete opposite. Shes acting as though she thinks shes alot better than the other women. She seems very snobby and struck on herself, not at all like she portrayed herself on the other show. True colors coming out on this show? Looks that way.

  33. ZD says:

    @Lynda, no I think we are seeing the same down to earth Pilar as she was on her show when she co-starred with her husband. I guess the question would be what would you or I do if you/I were in the same situations that Pilar has been put in on the show. Open your eyes dear, this is a show filled with envious women, when you get a bunch together they create a lynch mob. Read Dawn’s blog. She really over explains…AD NAUSEAM…..her feelings, her point, her side…please just SHUT UP DAWN….PLEASE!!!! Dawn we liked you much better when we NEVER heard YOU. You were so much more attractive; doting mother, professional, then your record played and one big scratch was found and it keeps skipping and skipping and skipping. The same thing over and over and over and over again. I digress. Actually I think Pilar stands out more because she is in control of her emotions when all hell is breaking lose on her. Yep grown people have to control their emotions and actions or institutions are found to admit those who are not (wink, wink…Dawn). If I had a bunch of women yelling at me, cornering me, demanding that I do what they say, I would probably done way more than Pilar did, that’s for sure! Anyways, how do we know how much Pilar had to tolerate Dawn. As I said before, Dawn appeared to be a pleasant character in the beginning when she didn’t say much, then very quickly she turned one beer short of a six pack (psycho). Just read her ramblings all about Pilar….Whooda thunk it?!?!

  34. Ann says:

    I started watching this series at episodes 104 and 105 and it has all been about Pilar jealousy regardless of whether or not she is present. This Black envy is good for reality TV ratings. This blog only confirms that the hostility was real and not staged for ratings. The attacks on Pilar are only putting her on a bigger pedestal primed to earn more dollars on her own reality series. I am not a Pilar fan and I don’t even think that she is beautiful. Using a bathroom in a pool facility doesn’t seem like the primitive inconvenience that has been over stressed. Pilar’s and Deion’s economic status has nothing to do with Dawn’s economic status and Chanita’s petty attempt to correlate the two just confirmed that Pilar made the right decision to not put Deion on hold to make a trip to the hospital. Dawn’s behavior does not reflect her education level. I found Chanita’s and Amanda’s treatment of Mercedes much more offensive and condescending than anything Pilar has done or not done on the series

  35. HA HA says:

    DAWN, Stop pointing the finger at Pilar for your behavior because you have 4 fingers pointing right back at ya. You control what you do. After seeing you on the show AND READING THIS BLOG I would never hire you as an attorney. YOu call it being real I call it being Petty. i.e. Tune in to see me cuss out Pilar. What is wrong w/ u? How childish and immature. BOOO (No, I dont like Pilar on this show but she not talking about like you are. )

  36. Sandra says:

    TO ALL OF YOU HATING ON PILAR:
    JUST WANTED TO GIVE THE FOOTBALL WIVES ALITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE….DON’T BUY WHAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD AND YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN INVESTING INSTEAD OF SHOPPING…SO MAYBE DAWN, YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD HAVE TAKEN UP A TRADE OTHER THAN FOOTBALL BECAUSE AFTER ALL 35…HE SHOULD HAVE RETIRED IN 2007….GOOD LUCK AND STOP HATING ON PILAR…..AMEN SISTA….

  37. Allie says:

    Pilar’s just wants to be the queen bee but she has no manners to put things mildly. I think some of the women feel intimidated by her. She is a toxic person. Just plain mean then turns around and puts the blame on others.

    Never put any focus on Pilar. Its a waste of time. Toxic people always are. She wants to be more than she is but she does not have “it” and if she ever did her personality ruined it.

  38. Lisa says:

    I like Pilar and think she is in a class above the rest. Dawn and Chanita is jealous and it is so obvisous. Those two Dawn and Chanita has the most to lose is causing the most drama. Dawn breaks bad with Pilar for what, she never done anything to her. Now Chanita who called her a frienemy throughout the show and told her she would walk her like a dog, Dawn had nothing to say. Dawn need to pick her friends better. Keep your head up Pilar.

  39. TeamAmazed says:

    @ZD…are you Pilar’s pet puppy?

  40. ZD says:

    @TeamAmazed….huh??? Are u projecting? You shared the same perspective that I did and you ask if I am Pilar’s pet puppy WTF is that? Take your own advice ‘Pick a stance and stick with it.’

  41. Sierra Jackson says:

    Hi, Dawn
    I want to know what is the reason u dont like pilar really you dont have a reason to not like pilar she carry herself like a women and you need to learn how to do the same your problems you have going on in your life is not her problem or anyone else you have to deal with your issues on your own. I thought football wives suppose to set and example for there husband and really honey your not doing that you act as if someone owe you, you have to many problems to be acting like a child please grow up because if i was me i would’ve kick your butby now

  42. Lindac says:

    Dawn,

    It is evident to see, that you truly have a lot on your plate. One thing you should have never did was sign up for this as their is a lot of drama in your life right now.

    By being on this show, doesn’t uplift your character, in fact, it “assinates” it.

    I don’t know what your status is with the Lord, but I truly believe you should seek him and pray that he takes from you the thorn from your side. You are a good person, have a good heart, but you must change the way in which you channel your energies. You have a good husband and family,

    Whatever it is that you can’t handle, give it to the Lord. Trust me, go to a good Bible believing church and watch the Lord do miraculous thing in it.

    Stop complaining, as GOD hates a complainer and let GOD be GOD and do the things to correct the things you think are wrong with others. Pray for them and self, to be the best DAWN you can be. You are going through a TRIAL, and are being tested by GOD. Make sure you pass that test by asking GOD for guidance. Walk in peace with everyone and pray for everyone. Lastly, lose that fiery tongue. When you get upset, ask yourself…”what would Jesus do?” The power of life and death is in the power of the tongue.

    Bless you and your family. Know that everything and I mean everything is going to be ALRIGHT!

    Remember, GOD don’t put no more on you than he knows you can handle. Pass the test, and watch do some miraculous things in you and your family life.

    Amen.

  43. Connie says:

    I am really surprised at the hateful comments you are getting. At the end of the day, it is all about you and your family. None of us can guess what it is like in your shoes and everyone has a breaking point. In your case, it happened in front of a camera. Everyone can sit on their couch and have an opinion but that is all it is – their opinion. No one knows what it was to be in your shoes. Hang in there. Peace & Love. I will pray for your family on the money situation.

  44. sandra says:

    Just saw the season finale. Wow. Too bad women aren’t more like guys, who will punch each other out and then go on about their business – situation squashed. The way we fight as women, is so much more vicious and bone cutting. We rip into each other until there is nothing left. We never stop. At some point, early in the game, guys settle it and end it. People who were my favs at the beginning of the show, embarrass me as a woman, a mother, and a professional. This has turned into a lesson for 3rd graders in how not to behave.

  45. Barbara W says:

    Dawn:

    I want to tell you a few things, and I hope you take it to heart and see how it can better you and your persona.

    You have to get ahold of your emotions…both you and Chanita. With the uncontrolled way you and Chanita express yourself, you both come across as emotionally immature. With all of the yelling, cursing and disrespectful language towards Pilar I can see how people think that both you and Chanita are jealous of her. It comes across as great bitterness, and of course people then feel you are envious of Pilar.

    Learn to just let people be who they are and not let it affect who YOU are and your emotions –you have to be happy regardless of who does and does not do what you think they should is what I am saying. You should not take it so personally whether or not she showed up to visit Chanita in the hospital. Yes, it would be nice if she did, but you need to learn to take the attitude of ” that’s THAT person…and this is ME.” You will not always like everything that everyone does, and they may not like everything that you do as well. You may not agree with it, but you shouldn’t take it to heart to the point that you are shouting at the person ( and throwing cookies like a child) about what YOU think they should do with their time. That’s just ridiculous.

    I will say the same with Chanita and whoever else had a problem with Pilar and Melani leaving the bible study. While it would have been nice if they could have stayed the entire time…they did leave for their event. It may not have been the best thing….but why would Chanita take it so personal to the point where she is yelling at Pilar about it….it wasn’t even her bible study or her house for that matter. I can see her not agreeing with the fact that they left, but to take it to the point that she is arguing with Pilar about what she should have done that night is ridiculous.

    The problem I see with both you and Chanita is that somehow you want to have control over the behavior of others (whether you realize it or not…that what it boils down to). But remember…they are not you, and you are not them – you cannot control them and what they do, and neither should you attack them for being who they are and making the decisions they make. Allow them to be who they are…whether you agree with it or not, and move on and don’t take it so personal.

    From looking at Pilar’s perspective, with the way all of you talk about her I can see why she separates herself from the group. While it doesn’t help the situation, I am sure she doesn’t want to feel fake by smiling in the faces of those she knows talks about her. Why would you expect her to show up at your wedding with the way you talk about her and treat her? It should would have showed up at your wedding I think you would have had something to say about that.

    I am not sure if you realize it but everytime the camaera cues in on you, you mention Pilar…..and it makes it appear as though you are obsessed with her. She doesn’t give you that much attention at all. She doesn’t use her personal camera time to say “even Dawn can’t ruin NY for me”….or “we had such a fun night out because Dawn wasn’t there”….that’s silly and childish. And again, I can see why Pilar distance’s herself from the group because of foolishness like that.

    I do think that because you are dealing with financial issues, and probably from the stress of dealing with an autistic child you may compare Pilar’s life to yours and feel a slight bit of resentment about that. I think that both you and Pilar and very nice looking women, but the way you present yourself does make you appear ugly.

    As mentioned, I hope you take the opportunity to work on yourself (you and Chanita) and your out of control emotions because you are representing yourself very badly as of now. I also think that maybe Chanita has self esteem issues…perhaps she wants to lose weight or something. Instead of being angry at Pilar, both of you should take the time to work on yourselves and feel and best the be YOU that you can…and perhaps this will help resolve both of your jealous tendencies with Pilar.

    I gotta add…I saw Pilar’s personality and behavior on the show she had with her husband and she is a very down to earth woman. I think the person you guys are experiencing is due to the fact that she has closed herself off because of the group attacks she gets. She must learn not to close herself off regardless of whether people talk about her and/or gang up on her. But I can understand that being in her position that would be tough and its probably easier for her to go to a corner by herself than to be around people she know do not like her. Just something to think about.