It’s easy, breezy… Nasty.
We begin this week’s The X Life with Jeremy and Cory meeting inside a coffee shop — a very un-x-treme coffee shop. They look so out of place next to the scone display:
Cory reveals that he’s planning on proposing to Nicole in Australia. She doesn’t expect it at all. Or rather, she expected it for a while then slowly let that expectation slip away, like so many hopes and dreams. “Dude that’s probably the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Jeremy tells Cory. In turn, this is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard Jeremy say. We’re only two episodes into the show, though, so the bar is pretty low.
Cory, old fashioned professional BMX biker he is, plans on asking Nicole’s parents for permission before he proposes. Even thinking about meeting with her parents makes him nervous and bug-eyed.
Pierre-Luc and Denise are also thinking about marriage, but like Cory and Nicole, this couple’s female half has let go of the dream. Denise states that she and Pierre have been together three years, and that she thought they’d get married and have kids by now. Instead they’ve raised two French bulldogs. That’s sad, I guess. But these bulldogs make great baby substitutes. You can take family portraits with them:
And even give them hip baby names:
“What’s a ring gonna change?” Pierre-Luc argues. It’s a good question. I’d argue that a ring means that you’d one day hang pictures of your children on your stove, instead of your dog and other people’s babies.
Denise and Pierre meet Cory and Nicole at Del Mar dog beach. Denise makes it clear that she doesn’t want to be there, because people don’t know how to look after their dogs. The water’s also filthy and smelly and really shallow, because people don’t know how to look after their dogs.
Pierre insists on taking their dogs off the leashes, and he merely laughs while Denise chases them, trying to keep them in sight. She gets so angry she grabs the dogs and starts marching homeward.
Denise takes all this as a sign that Pierre isn’t ready for children. That’s unfair: I bet Pierre would never let his children off their leashes. “I don’t know if they like each other,” Nicole interviews. A better question: Why play on a beach that isn’t good enough for Denise’s dogs? Get that baby out of there!
Cory visits Nicole’s mom to ask for permission to propose to her. For some reason he’s very dramatic about the asking, considering that everyone’s thrilled he’s finally proposing. Maybe he’s remembering how she saw him do this?
“Remember it isn’t always fun and games when you’re married,” Nicole’s mom tells him, and he reminds her that he already has two kids with her daughter. Either this is supposed to mean that he already knows that marriage isn’t always fun, or he’s acknowledging that it’s way too late for this speech.
Meanwhile Denise goes out shopping to get over her argument with Pierre. He interviews that Denise loves shopping, and that he doesn’t mind giving her money when she’s depressed. She buys this pair of $200 sunglasses.
They not only make you feel better, but they hide your eyes if you’ve been crying. It’s a smart purchase.
Unfortunately Denise and Pierre start arguing about money. He says that since he works and she doesn’t, Denise should do more around the house and not yell at him when he comes home from a hard day of vert skating. She doesn’t like that he holds money over her head. They really should not be arguing in front of dogs.
The next day Pierre tries to repair the damage by taking Denise out on a surprise trip. It’s not a jewelry store:
But it’s the next best thing. They decide to get matching anchor tattoos, because they keep each other grounded. Another interpretation: they are dead-weight. That interpretation isn’t nearly as romantic, though. “Maybe it’s not a ring, but the tattoos are always going to be there,” says Pierre. Also, you can’t usually drink a soda while making a deep emotional commitment, but you can during this one:
Back to Cory, who tells us he’s scared of Nicole’s dad, Tal, who he’s left waiting on a park bench. Tal looks pretty tough, plus he’s got a forearm tattoo, so he’s either a badass or he’s made an emotional commitment to his girlfriend. I can’t tell. This episode has me confused on what tattoos mean.
Cory finally arrives and states his case for wanting to get engaged. “It’s about time, Tal says. Cory’s late for this meeting, and like, 10 years late for Nicole.
Last on the list: Cory’s mom. Cory interviews that his mom and Nicole don’t get along. He almost had to call the cops on Nicole and his mom. He tells his mother that he’s got news and she’s like, “Please don’t tell me she’s pregnant again.” Grandmother of the year, y/y? Finally he tells her that he’s going to marry Nicole and she’s…relieved?
Her next few sentences are golden: “You should get married. I don’t have to like her, but it’s the proper thing to do.” Shrug. “That’s what I did, I always got married. Maybe three or four times, but I was always married.” Shrug. And finally: “You can always get divorced.”
I can’t wait for her wedding toast.