Extreme sports athletes are just like us. They put their jeggings on one jeg at a time.
We begin this episode of focused on the female halves The X Life. Nicole and Susie hang out to discuss Nicole's trip to Australia and specifically, getting engaged to Cory.
Susie coos over Nicole's engagement ring, which is no small compliment since Susie's ring is twice the size of her finger. Unfortunately that leaves no room for food or drink on their table, so this is truly just a feast for the eyes.
Susie decides to throw an engagement party, and Nicole asks if she thinks Cory's mom will come. – I sure hope so, – Susie says. If you remember, Cory's mom is the mom who said, – Why not? You can always get divorced! – when he told her he wanted to propose. So you should also hope she comes.
A side note: I’m glad The X Life brings attention to the plight of the extreme athlete, cast from society, forced to skate or bike at separate strip mall parking lots…
Back at Denise and Pierre's, Pierre wonders if he needs an assistant for dishes, laundry, and going to the bank. Denise claims she's his assistant, but he claims, – My assistant’s been slacking. – For example, there’s no one helping him realize he is indoors right now.
– My boss is an assh***, – Denise tells Pierre. I love the witty (totally mean) repartee between these two. It's like the Honeymooners without a honeymoon.
As discussed in previous episodes, Denise feels unequal to Pierre because he's financially supporting her. She wants to pursue a career as a makeup artist, but interviews that Pierre secretly wants her without a job so she can stay at home and take care of him. I mean, this kitchen bong isn’t going to polish itself.
…just kidding! It’s a piece of kitchen decoration. Hand-blown glass kitchen decoration.
Back in Temecula, Nicole tells her kids that she'll finally join them in having the last name Nastazio. She interviews that Trey is finally old enough to – get it – and know what marriage means: a lifelong commitment between two mature adults who love each other. I’m not sure she gets that “Nastazio” isn’t just a name, it’s a lifestyle. For instance:
Cat’s out of the bag! This follows Cory’s pattern of doing some very mature (proposing) then something very immature (shaving off half of his hair, getting it dyed in leopard spots). See also: Reading Nicole a love letter/telling her he wants to bone her in the butthole, apologizing to her family/humping her in front of her family. Luckily for him this sandwich is hiding a smile:
They talk about inviting Cory's mom and sister to the engagement party. – I just don't want you to regret…that we didn't have your mom at some of the most special moments in both of our lives, – Nicole says. For instance, where was Cory's mom while he was getting this haircut and dye job? Nowhere! But the idea of getting his mom to the engagement party fills him with the kind of trepidation he should have had a couple hours ago, at the salon:
Later the ladies gather at Susie's to – relax, have some wine, – and check out Nicole's ring.
I think Susie undersold this get together: sure there’s red and white wine and some brie, but there’s also Coors and hand sanitizer, if things get serious:
Moving to the living room, Nicole and Susie sit Denise between them and ask her if she sees herself getting married. She reacts much like when your parents ask when you’re getting married:
…because no, she does not see herself married. Not right now, at least. She tells them that if Pierre proposed, right now, she'd say no, and the girls are shocked, in oh so gentle ways.
Marriage! It’s for the birds. And the bees. It’s for people madly in love. Maybe not people in love, and really really mad.
Cory calls up his mom to break the news about his engagement, and when he tells her she plays dumb. And mean:
He asks her to come to the party, but she won't. She really won't.
It’s almost as if she knows she’s on speakerphone with Nicole listening in on her. It looks like his real family won’t be at the party, so next we go along with Cory as he meets up with his best friend.
I sort of wish this was his best friend:
But Cory’s best friend is my new best friend's owner, Stephen Murray.
Murray is a BMX dirt rider like Cory, but he broke his neck during the 2007 Dew Tour while attempting a double back flip. Now he's paralyzed from the neck down. It's another reminder that these sports can be dangerous (while Cory is a reminder that these sports are hilarious).
Cory asks Stephen to be at the engagement part and to be his best man. But there's something else he needs to ask him for: forgiveness. Cory interviews that after Stephen's accident he couldn't train without picturing Stephen and getting scared or the same accident. So he moved away and didn't see Stephen as much as he should have.
Stephen forgives him, and agrees to be his best man.
Another amends made, Cory runs home to get ready for his engagement party. His dress pants are a problem:
As is the fact that he has limited – nice clothes, – which are usually reserved for funerals and weddings. But he's got an idea on how to class up his one dress shirt:
Cutting your shirt is so, so classy, and so VH1. Just ask this guy.
Cory shows his creative work to Nicole, who is angry because she just bought him that shirt. Hair grows back, sleeves don’t, unless you’re wearing a hairshirt. Fortunately Nicole is classy enough for the both of them. And also fortunately, Cory has a hat and a jacket to cover up his two creative changes to his appearance today.
And the party is very classy: it’s inside a winery, with wine glasses and wine snacks and wine-type people. I assume Nicole and Susie planned this alone, because if Jeremy and Cory had, the engagement party would be, I don't know, tiki torches and a keg in a dirt lot behind the Staples.
Also, in Cory's defense, why should Nicole get to go sleeveless to their engagement party when he can't? This is unfair, and he knows it:
Susie and Larisa, Nicole's sister give a toast, which provides ample time for Pierre and Denise to fight. For instance, when Cory asks for the meaning of – unparalleled – in Larisa’s toast, Pierre's like:
…which is more a snip at Cory than Denise, actually! But his attempt to be the good (or, not dumb) boyfriend by comparison backfires:
But Cory ends the night by toasting that he'll make up for all the – dumb sh*t – he's done to Nicole. Up to and including the haircut and the shirt, perhaps?
Either way, charming!