Listen, if it ain’t broke don’t cut it, right?
We begin this Beverly Hills Fabulous at Elgin’s morning meeting, where he informs the staff that there might be an investor for the company.
Everyone is so excited. But Elgin warns everyone (Sean) that they need to be on their best behavior, and everyone (Sean) finds this request…
… tiresome. Syreeta, Sean’s long-suffering and brand new assistant shows up and meets Elgin, who decides right away that Sean will chew her up, even more than he already has.
Sean does, first by changing his mind constantly, making her go back and forth until he chooses a station for her. Sean informs her that this week is “bootcamp” week, where she’ll have to do every one of his wishes. Get used to seeing this face. And by “this face” I mean this particular facial expression. I still don’t think Sean will keep her around very long.
Meanwhile Elgin meets with product consultants to see how he can take his line of haircare products to the next level. This guy …
… asks him if he would consider a more conservative hairstyle. Elgin can’t hide his displeasure with this suggestion:
“Have you seen another black man, my age, with a long mane of hair with no extensions, strong and healthy?” he asks. “This hair is Elgin Charles.” It’s true, Elgin Charles is basically hair with some face attached to it. You tell me who’s steering this ship:
Back on the other side of the salon, Sean is putting Syreeta through hell, or giving her a way to get there. “I give you just enough rope to hang yourself,” he interviews.
Sean declares that he’s hungry and needs some food. Syreeta recommends vegan soul food, and he replies that he doesn’t eat anything that begins with a “v.” What could he possibly mean? Vegetables? Velveeta? Velveeta on vegetables? He’s really missing out. I think he’s silently telegraphing that he wants chicken:
Lolita has her own drama: a tour bus driver keeps rolling by trying to get her attention. She’s uncomfortable with this, but Sean declares it “pretty hot.”
Let’s be clear though, she’s not being modest. “I give Gary 100% for having good taste. I’m Lolita, I’m the hot sexy big beautiful girl, you’d be sprung on me too,” she interviews.
A 16-year-old comes into the salon looking for his appointment with Sean, who, as he says, doesn’t see boys. “This ain’t Supercuts, I don’t do men,” he says. Remember that: Sean doesn’t do men.
It turns out that the young man is there to get an appointment for his mom, who doesn’t have time to really take care of her own hair. This boy apparently has time to take care of himself though. Have you ever seen someone so adorable? Get this young man an agent, quick:
Oh the other side we learn more about Sean, like, that he once went to Chuck E. Cheese’s by himself because he likes the pizza and the staff treated him weird. I love the bashful way he makes this confession. You also feel sorry for him, or even sorrier for the man eating at Chuck E. Cheese’s by himself.
Then he proceeds to send Syreeta through phone-answering scenarios. He keeps doing it while she stutters through a greeting, messes up, stutters through her name, messes up, then claims to do hair just as well as Sean. And there’s where Sean cuts her off completely. His gladiator sandals are appropriate, because Sean is throwing her to the lions.
On the other side, the kid brings his mom in for her big makeover. She’s very sweet, so Katrina feels good about doing a makeover. And Katrina’s the newest stylist, so she confesses that she wants to impress Elgin as well, since she has the fewest clients.
She will impress everyone if she can do something with this hair.
Katrina’s ready for the makeover process. Her client is ready. Time for a montage.
More like Katrinized! Let’s give her some credit. “I feel like the first lady, I really do,” his mom says I hope she meant look like the first lady, because I truly hope the first lady doesn’t sit around drinking champagne and getting her hair done.
Later a blonde white woman shoes up at reception which is a rare occurrence at the Elgin Charles Salon. She turns out to be Elgin’s third consultant meeting.
He asks her what she knows about black hair, seeing as she is white and blonde. Kind of unfair really — he should have asked the black bald man the same question. But Tanya understands Charles way better than the other consultants. Elgin thanks Tanya and thanks …
… Jesus for sending her. If anyone knows about having “a long mane of hair with no extensions, strong and healthy,” it is Jesus.
Jesus has also sent Gary to Lolita. She seems shy at first, but she truly is not.
He’s got a wedding ring on his hand. Then she points out the smell coming out of his mouth. I am not sure which one makes Gary less desirable for her.
I think this moment has taught Syreeta more about working at Elgin Charles than Sean’s entire bootcamp.
And I have learned that there’s no makeover in the world that will make a married man with halitosis look attractive.
This week’s hair tips:
Don’t use a cotton pillow if you have dry hair, and sleep on silk pillow cases like the “queen that you are.” Bonus tip from me: Real queens sleep on the backs of their conquered enemies.
If your head itches from your extensions mix some Sea Breeze or antiseptic and mix it with your shampoo. Bonus tip from me: If the Sea Breeze doesn’t work, get checked for head lice. Especially if you are in kindergarten.