Love & Hip Hop Recap – Episode 3 – Rock The Boat

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cocktailfight

This guy came for the fight… but stayed for the cocktails.

This week’s Love & Hip Hop begins out in the wilds of Jersey. The ladies are at Chrissy's house getting some spa time. There are some ulterior motives to the ladies’ night in: Chrissy and Emily also want to get to the bottom of Olivia saying she's dating Darrelle Revis. This is going to be the most luxurious confrontation ever.

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As we learned last week, Darrelle — who is one of Emily's styling clients — hasn't seen Olivia in months. At least that’s what he says. And that’s what she says. Somebody is lying. When Emily starts to talk, we get to see Olivia's reaction go from this:

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To this:

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– ¦ it certainly looks like the expression of someone who has been caught lying. Olivia says that they started as a couple, but have decided to – slow it down. – “Haven’t seen each other in months” is so slow they’ll be 80 by the time they move in together. Chrissy interviews that things sound like they haven't slowed down. They've stopped.

Olivia goes to where I guessed she would (I love being right) and confronts Emily about Fab not telling anyone that he's got a girlfriend. – Since we're putting everything out, – she explains. It's also a quick way to put the attention back onto Emily.

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Emily simply states that she and Fabolous (who we learned first episode tells people he is single) have been together for eight years, have a two-year-old son, and that she has a 12-year-old daughter. – We are a family, – she interviews. – But why is he always with another girl when you see him, then? – Olivia asks. Maybe Emily has no idea how big her family actually is? Either way, now Emily’s angry as well. Pointing fingers always leads to pointed fingers.

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– What rapper doesn't have a million girls around them, – Emily asks. When Chrissy replies – Jim – Emily says she's seen Jim Jones in the club surrounded by girls. Now things are getting heated. Oh, to be a tiny bulldog in that room.

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Olivia says that Emily should have gone to her first (i.e., in private, and not in front of cameras). – This is between me and Darelle, – Olivia interviews. – Y'all b*tches don't need to be in my business. – And just like that, the fellowship of the hip hop girlfriends was broken.

But it's time to fight the real enemy. Chrissy goes out to see one of Somaya's shows, so she can see if she's got any talent to back up her talk (and her butt). – Are we going there on a friendly note? – Emily asks. Good question! I mean, you should just ask that before you go anywhere with Chrissy. She says things are totally friendly, which is totally not true.

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They're at Love Jones, where the MC urges them to give up the bad vibes before seeing the artist. Chrissy tries to oblige. But is this the face of someone filled with good intentions, or someone waiting for a root canal?

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It’s Somaya's first show in NYC, and first performance ever with a live band. She does – Would you still love me, – (what, no – Mira Me Pum Pum – ?). Chrissy seems to have left her good will on the floor.

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– I wasn't nauseated…but I was close, – Chrissy interviews. Points for not vomiting in your clutch, I guess!

Back to Olivia, who doesn't have the same sweet smile she had the first two episodes.

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Although her nail polish is still happy. She's meeting Emily for lunch. Emily interviews that she knows Olivia's upset, because she's texted her but she hasn't responded. Olivia basically says that she would never put Emily's business out there, so she was uncomfortable, and that they can't build a friendship like this. I don't know what place this kind of talk has on VH1. These ladies are making a business out of putting business out there. This lunch is al fresco and intense.

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Emily tries to apologize, but Olivia isn’t interested. Once again she compares her Darelle situation to Emily's situation with Fab, bringing up the rumors that he's actually with a lot of women, and not just – pretending – for his image like Emily insists. Olivia is like:

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Although she seems pretty okay with bringing this up. Emily still insists that she's Fab's only lady. – She's just trying to dig up dirt on me because I caught her in a lie, – Emily interviews. So that’s that. No one wins this argument.

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It's a nice night for a tattoo in Jersey, isn't it? First, though:

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I love Jim Jones’ apparent distrust of the whole banking system. His side of the mattress must be lumpy.

Chrissy says she's going to talk to Jim while he's getting his tattoo, – to get his mind off the pain. – And why not talk about Somaya? She tells Jim that Somaya needs to practice a little more, and he laughs it off.

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Jim interviews that he won't sign Somaya if Chrissy doesn't like her. – She knows how to critique women real good, so…. – If we've learned anything about Chrissy, it's that she's good with critiques. Woman critiques.

Somaya returns to Jim's studio to play him her track. He liked it initially, but told her to do some things to make it more radio friendly. She worked hard on it, and she interviews that she's excited to play him the final product.

He tells her to stop the track five seconds in, and he tells her he's got a deadline on his back so he can't worry about other people's songs. She is …

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… disappointed. She can't be sure, but she thinks Chrissy has something to do with it.

She reaches out to Emily for drinks and a talk. Emily has some suspicions:

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but she goes. If nothing else, this episode proves that Emily knows the drama-smoothing powers of a ladies’ early afternoon cocktail.

Emily says that she and Chrissy both don't think rapper when they look at Somaya… she doesn't say what they do think when they see her, but whatever. You can guess. And Emily says that if Chrissy doesn't think Somaya is good for Jim Jones's brand, she's going to tell him not to do it. Emily also interviews that she thinks Somaya's just trying to find someone to blame for Jim's disinterest. She doesn’t take this news well, but Somaya looks like she’s ready to start over with Emily and Chrissy.

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Let’s toast this soon-to-be-broken peace:

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The next day Emily invites all the ladies — including Somaya — on a little boat day trip. First: Awesome idea. Second: Putting them on a boat is even better. You can't storm off a boat.

Chrissy climbs on board, but she’s s upset that her – sexy, sunny day with [her] friends – includes Somaya.

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Don’t you hate it when someone ruins your sexy day?

Chrissy talks to Emily inside the boat about why Emily would dare invite Somaya. They either don't realize or don't care that Somaya's manager, Maurice, is inside getting a drink. It’s not Maurice’s fault he doesn’t stand out.

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Maurice goes back up top to tell Somaya and Olivia what's going on downstairs.

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Olivia tries to explain that Chrissy at first didn't understand Somaya's intentions, but Maurice says, – I'd advise her to date a guy that gets paid more than $10,000 a gig. – He means if Somaya’s intentions were to find a husband, not a career. But even as a hypothetical, this is not appropriate. Olivia interviews that of course this is getting back to Jim now. Of course, I’d be disappointed if it didn’t get back to Jim.

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Meanwhile Emily is inside the boat talking to herself, wondering out loud if she’s made a terrible mistake. She shouldn’t be so hard on herself, she did an amazing job consolidating the drama this week. She’s made a wonderful mistake.

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All the ladies gather inside the boat to argue. First, Somaya and Chrissy go at it, with the latter telling the former to shut up and listen.

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Then Emily yells for everyone including Chrissy to – shut the f*ck up. – Somehow Chrissy heard “shut the f*ck up… and dance” so she obliges, happily.

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Maurice then tries to explain that he only told Somaya what they were saying to stop Somaya from finding out on her own and – f*cking you up. – Chrissy brushes this off, but he may have a point — he later tells us that Somaya is around 6'4 – .

Chrissy also calls Maurice “Tattoo” during their argument. Pretty clever, since they are on a boat. I sure hope Chrissy knows some celebrity land midgets’ names for when they’re back on shore.

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I also love that some people are just trying to hold it down on the boat while the ladies are fighting. I bet that lady in the back’s thinking, “Why’d I buy the sexy sunny boat cruise Groupon?”

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Maurice urges them to “act like women.” He also calls Chrissy “triflin’,” which infuriates Chrissy. When Somaya gets into it, Chrissy calls her – …a girl who should only be rapping at Christmastime. –

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Get it? With skills like that, Chrissy should be rapping all the time.

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