Mob Wives Recap — Episode 1 — I’m Gangster And I’m Coming Home

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After spending an hour watching the premiere episode of Mob Wives, we’re still sort of amazed that anyone actually has the audacity to wag a finger in Renee Graziano’s face. But wait, we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves. Let’s start from the beginning here, shall we?

If you watched our video introduction to Renee Graziano a few weeks ago, you already know that she’s NOT the type to be messed with. However, if you missed that intro, here’s what you need to know about Renee. Her father, Anthony Graziano, is currently serving hard time in a federal correction facility in Butner, North Carolina, on racketeering charges, and if there’s one thing she hates, it’s a snitch. “If you’re a rat, you’re not in my circle,” she explains. “Matter of fact, I’ll make your life so miserable, you won’t be able to hang out in anybody’s circle.” Oh, and if you’re wondering if she owns a lynx coat…

"Yes, I have a lynx."

So, who was that woman brave enough to wag her finger in Renee’s face? Say hello to another of the Mob Wives, Karen Gravano.

Karen is the daughter of the infamous Mob turncoat, Sammy “The Bull” Gravano, the man whose testimony was responsible for bringing down John Gotti and the Gambino crime family. As you can no doubt imagine, this betrayal rendered everyone in the Gravano clan persona non grata in Staten Island, so most of the family, including Karen, relocated to Arizona. However, after spending ten years in Arizona living with her daughter, Karen is itching to return to Staten Island to research her upcoming tell-all book from St. Marten’s Press. And, as you can tell, Karen and Renee don’t exactly get along. More on that in a bit.

Next up, we’ve got Carla Facciolo, whose soon to be ex-husband Joseph is in the clink for stock fraud. She too comes from an underworld background, and her father and uncles have all spent time in the clink. However, her kids have NO CLUE their Dad is in jail; Carla has told them all along that he’s “working.”

Last, but most certainly not least, is Drita D’avanzo. Her husband, Lee, is serving his second stint in a federal penitentiary, this time for robbing a bank. Although she was born and raised in Staten Island, she considers herself “100% Albanian” and has no problem whatsoever throwing down if you get up in her grill. “If I’m coming for you, I’m never gonna stop until i get you,” she explains to a (no doubt frightened) interviewer. “Hospitalized, broken faces, like ambulance (whoop). It’s not like tuggin’, pullin’ hair and that. I’m gonna hurt you.” And with biceps like that, we believe her!

"Eat your heart out, Michelle Obama."

She’s also a doting wife and mother, one who’s not afraid to bring her incarcerated hubby black olives, soprasetta, Wing Dings and Twinkies while he’s paying his debt to society. Vanilla Cokes, on the other hand, are a smidge harder to come by. Despite this minor trouble acquiring flavored sodas —btw, who knew those were such a hot commodity in jail?— she’s sticking it out.

"I wanna see a guy stick it out. I don't even think they could stick it out for a Friday night."

Ok, now that you’ve been introduced to the four Mob Wives, we can get on with the juicy stuff.

But before we get into the showdown between Karen and Renee, first we gotta find Renee a man. Luckily, Carla and Drita have some good suggestions for her online dating profile.

Renee’s Likes:

  • “I like a man that’s done at least 5 years in the federal penitentiary.”
  • “I like writing criminal institutions.”
  • “I like AK-47s.”

Renee’s Dislikes:

  • Guys who can’t deal with the fact that her ex might be pissed when he gets out of prison.

Any takers?

Meanwhile, Karen ain’t afraid of no ghost Renee, or anyone in Staten Island, for that matter. “F**k Sammy the Bull, f**k John Gotti, I’m gangster and I’m coming home.”

Reunited and it feels so good.

Besides, she’s got some allies in her old stomping grounds. Back in the day, she used to be besties with Drita. That is, until Drita got married to Karen’s ex. And before you go thinking it was no big deal, Karen lived with said ex for SEVEN YEARS. Speaking of which…

"Yeah bitch, I do know that picture, because it was sitting on my bedroom wall when I used to ride your husband."

Whoops, didn’t see THAT one coming! Oh well, it’s nothing that a few pink lemonade and vodkas won’t wash away…

Hey, that’s better than Ron Ron Juice. K-Gizzle, back in the house!

Before you get too settled, we’re mere moments away from Carla’s birthday party, where Karen will be the surprise guest of honor. Renee has been kept in the dark about this development, though, which is why you’ll see her in what she describes as “party mode.”

"Party Renee is the center of attraction."

Faster than you can do three (or, quite possibly, more!) shots of Patron, Party Renee goes buh bye when she sees Karen walking in the door.

That look you see there is what’s described in Mob Wives circles as “buggin’ the f**k out.” Let’s back up a sec. Renee holds a HUGE grudge against Karen, not necessarily out of any personal beef that the two had between each other, but more because of Karen’s father’s betrayal. Renee’s father ordered her to “cut all ties” with anyone with the last name Gravano after Sammy “The Bull” went rogue, and their first confrontation in well over 10 years is chock full of fireworks.

Watching Renee and Karen go toe-to-toe is, in a word, EPIC. Neither of these two tough broads are going to back down from each other, not even when Karen accuses Renee of being a “weak-minded individual.” Thinking for a moment that she has the upper hand, Karen tries to get Renee to leave Carla’s birthday party. Not so fast!

“I don’t leave anywhere,” Renee emphatically explains to her new enemy. “I never did and I never f*****g will.”

Will this tension get resolved without fisticuffs breaking out? You’ll have to tune in next week to find out!

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