“Luxurious, lustrous …” what? Oh, the suspense!
Last time we saw Jackée she was doing this:
… because Elgin wouldn’t give her an answer on whether they could be business partners or not. Apparently she got the answer she wanted, because we begin this episode of Beverly Hills Fabulous with Elgin preparing to film his first infomercial with his ex-wife. A business is kind of like a marriage, there’s the contract and the asset agreements and the infomercial. Here’s the director:
If you can’t tell by his kind eyes and gentle demeanor, he is about to get swallowed in the vortex that is Elgin and Jackée, who seems annoyed or unimpressed with everything Elgin’s been working on, from his new salon in Miami to his new conditioner, called “Deep Moist.” “I don’t like the words ‘deep’ or ‘moist’” she says. Let’s admire her many looks of disgust and annoyance:
On the other side of the salon, Sean is freaking out over the condition of his client’s hair. “Don’t call me if you got a whole bunch of natural hair, because I ain’t interested,” he yells at her. And at us natural-haired ladies at home. Then he blames Syreeta for booking a girl with “…hair like a Sasquatch” so early in the morning. Maybe she’s supposed to start him off light with something easy like a bang trim or an eyebrow weave? I don’t know.
Katrina and Lolita both then complain about Sean’s complaining. It’s a circle jerk of complaining, or just a circle of jerks on this side of the salon.
Back on the other side, Jackée makes Elgin change his wardrobe, so he goes from conservative Sunday morning preacher…
… to what Elgin calls “the sun,” as in, this shirt is as bright as the sun. And as hot!
Elgin hasn’t even seen the script yet, and when he does, he hates how many L’s there are. He gets tongue-tied and annoyed. The crew must hang out while Jackée gives him vocal exercises. This turns into a less refined version of The Kings Speech. The Elgin’s Speech, if you will:
While they’re fighting, Sean’s continuing to complain. After more words about his client’s (beautiful but big) hair, Syreeta offers to take over, and Sean gives her his client. This angers Katrina, who doesn’t think Syreeta should be rewarded with a client after she messed up his schedule.
That she looks this angry with earrings this happy shows how steamed Katrina is.
It’s the first take of the day on the other side of salon, and while Elgin’s delivering his lines, you can sort of tell how the crew and Jackée are feeling:
In fact, there’s very little Jackée’s happy about during the shoot. Watch the numbers of takes go up:
His lines are too difficult, there’s noise, Jackée is bothering him with extraneous direction — but Elgin doesn’t want to complain to Jackée. “If she gets sensitive there’s a whole new monster up in here.” Kinda hard to work when your director and partner are looking at you like this though:
Back on the other side, the ladies are joking around with their clients. Things seem okay, but every word Syreeta says grates on Katrina, who thinks Syreeta is overstepping her limits. It also doesn’t help that Katrina’s client is very late, so she’s got to stand around while Syreeta has work.
Katrina’s client finally arrives. Her name is Carlie, and she needs a haircut to get her boyfriend to stay with her. Interesting! Most ladies get haircuts after a breakup not, not to prevent one. The goal is to give her something different enough, since the ladies determine that her boyfriend is simply getting too comfortable with the old Carlie.
Lots of hands:
We did it! And most importantly, we did it together.
Sean comes back from a manicure and decides to pop his head into the shoot. Jackée — who looked so dubious of Sean before — treats him like he was “Denzel Washington.”
… although Denzel Washington would probably get a very different hug, no? Jackée invites Sean to try some lines, and she really acts like he’s Denzel Washington. Or at least the Denzel Washington of hair care infomercials. Elgin can’t help noticing that the director, and his personal director Jackée have very different expressions on their faces while watching Sean do his lines:
Back to the other side, Syreeta starts giving Lolita’s client advice, and Syreeta’s attitude grates on her just as it grates on Katrina. She’s got something to be bothered about, too: Syreeeta then interviews that she’s a great stylist and that Lolita and Katrina are jealous and afraid she’ll steal their clients. This girl was so meek when she started, but apparently the salon’s rubbed off on her.
Remind you of anyone?
Then Syreeta dares to question Lolita’s accreditation as a stylist and instructor. “She has no place here at the Elgin Charles salon,” Lolita interviews. The lesson here: Learn your place, or lose it.
Meanwhile Elgin hides from the cameras:
Well, hides from their cameras, not VH1’s. Then he decides to tell Jackée what he wants: a different set, no cue cards, and a chance to just talk about his products. It works:
Trust when I say that despite what these stills imply, Elgin’s performance improved once he got his hands on some hair. If you don’t believe me, believe these faces:
And believe this butt, which Elgin asks Jackée to kiss after she admits that he was right:
Fear, panic, and then butt-kissing: Seems like these two could jump right back into a marriage, right?
This week’s hair tips:
For those of you who like to color your hair, don’t forget to introduce moisture, especially if you’re going blond. The chemicals involved suck out all of your hair’s moisture. Bonus hair tip from me: Keep a CamelBak on you at all times to continuously spray your golden locks with a fine mist of water, especially if you are going blond in the desert.
If you’re wearing extensions, you can’t leave them in longer than two months. You’ve got to take them out and wash your natural hair to encourage new growth. Bonus hair tip from me: Get extensions made from fine strands of Irish Spring soap, then let your natural hair get a gentle washing every rainstorm, as your extensions slowly turn into cleansing bubbles.