Oh, Chrissy, we can see right through you!
Always up to no good… and full service progress!
We start this week’s Love & Hip Hop in Englewood, NJ. Chrissy tells us that she bought Jim a dog named House a few years ago, but that Jim doesn’t know how to take care of his gift. Jim sees this as pretty normal — he works, she takes care of household stuff. And this bag of meat:
… counts as part of the house.
He wanders around the pet store with House while Chrissy buys supplies, and discovers this guy:
Note how this little puppy just happens to be the same size as a baby. Jim tells her to put the dog back, and it makes Chrissy sad. “No ring, no baby, no doggie!” Chrissy interviews. To make matters worse, House leaves a House Guest™ for the pet store, and Jim runs out leaving Chrissy to clean up the mess. Talk about adding excrement to injury:
“He needs to finish growing up,” Chrissy interviews. “He” could be Jim or the dog, or both, really.
Back in the city, Olivia and her manager Rich are discussing the upcoming listening party for her new album. It’ll get the music into industry ears and hopefully land her another record deal.
“This is insanely important” he tells her. No pressure or anything. She asks if she can finish eating and he says okay, though he interviews that this is Olivia’s last chance. No telling is this is Olivia’s last meal.
Back to the Jones residence. Chrissy explains that Jim’s family has a game night, and tonight, she and Jim are hosting. Olivia and Rich also come to game night because Chrissy wants them to live in her world for once. She neglects to mention that Jim’s mother is there, which means they’re actually just living in Mother Jones’ world.
While the guys focus on playing cards Chrissy slips away with Olivia, because she’s got news.
She tells Olivia that she’s always had to initiate everything with Jim, and that after six years, she’s ready for kids and everything. So she’s going to initiate a marriage with him. Olivia is surprised, but supportive. She interviews that it takes a lot of guts to get down on one knee in front of your man to propose to him. She tells Chrissy as much in person, too. But Chrissy’s so nervous she cries just thinking about it. “It would be nice to have it the traditional way, but ain’t sh*t traditional in my life,” she tells Olivia. Well, two girlfriends talking about marriage and sipping on white wine? That’s pretty traditional. Doing it in front of cameras? Just slightly less traditional.
Chrissy interviews that part of her is still begging her to wait for Jim to ask her. Sometimes a lady wants some romance. Chrissy tells Olivia that she’s got a real estate agent and moving company ready if he says no, because she’ll kick him out of the house. Sometimes a lady has to be pragmatic.
Marriage means the end of sex for most people, but Chrissy wants to show Jim that “things will only get freakier from here” by taking a burlesque class. Her dancing needs to be on point — she’s going to give him a show in front of other people before she does her proposal. She takes Olivia with her for support. She also takes the door for support.
But Chrissy’s not exactly a natural at stripping. Not a bad thing! There are some positives here. For example:
This is a very erotic for a soft shoe! Hopefully Jim will like it too. But Chrissy tells us that she’s so awkward the instructor holds her back for private remedial burlesque lessons.
Next stop: the jewelry shop. “If I’m going to propose to Jimmy, I gotta come correct,” she tells us. Her jewelry game is significantly stronger than her burlesque game.
Through the magic of computers her jewelry guy can already designer her the ring she wants. Masculine, strong, and yet still covered in a hundred diamonds, what’s a guy not going to like about this:
Rings made on computers, women proposing to men. We are truly living in the future. But Chrissy also has some doubts — she doesn’t think he’ll say no, but she also wonders why he hasn’t asked her yet. This right here is a $12,000 gamble. Another gamble? She asks them to hold a diamond for her, for her engagement ring.
Chrissy arrives at Olivia’s album listening party to support her. She’s planning on performing some songs live, and then playing the rest of the album. You can’t tell, but she is “nervous as hell.”
Then Emily shows up, because Olivia invited her before last week’s drama. She’s there to talk things out, but Olivia considers Emily to be on Somaya’s side. Her enemy’s friend, basically, even though Emily’s also her friend’s friend.
Olivia gets lubricated arguing with Emily over Somaya and her supposedly allegiance to her. After a few beats Olivia once again, walks away from Emily.
Once again, Emily’s left looking in the wrong direction.
When she’s on stage you can’t tell that Olivia’s just been in a heated argument.
Rich is impressed…
…and Chrissy is not only supportive, but she’s proud of her friend, proud like a mom.
Note that Emily’s behind Chrissy, and we don’t see her reaction.
The next day the ladies — the ladies being just Olivia and Chrissy — head to Patricia Field to find Chrissy a burlesque outfit. It proves…
…challenging. For instance, these go inside your shirt:
And with this body suit:
There’s no need for a burlesque dance, because there’s nothing left to reveal.
The big night arrives and Chrissy has a cover — she tells her friends and family that she’s got a big career announcement that she wants to gather everyone for. Jim’s mother is there and appropriately suspicious — unless Chrissy’s running for president, a simple email or Facebook update on her new job probably would have been enough. But then she decides to do less speculating, more dancing:
OIivia now comes to Chrissy’s aide, and she alternates between helping Chrissy get ready and keeping Jim’s mother from finding out what’s happening. Chrissy gets nervous and decides to cancel the burlesque dance. She just doesn’t think it’s the proper way to start their marriage. Maybe not a proper one, but certainly a memorable one:
Meanwhile Mother Jones is getting antsy in her seat:
… but backstage the building pressure from doing her first burlesque dance (and her first marriage proposal) finally breaks Chrissy, who almost ruins her eyelashes with her eye tears:
Chrissy abandons the outfit and comes downstairs. After getting Jim in front (and keeping his mom occupied):
… Chrissy finally pops the question. More importantly, she pops the ring:
Who could say no to the girl, or the ring: