…But before we get into all that noise, we have to give a shout out to this guy working the desk at the hotel where Drina, Lynn and Casey stayed while the girls were in town for Audrina’s big fashion show. Have you ever seen a guy this happy to be on camera? It reminded us a little of Pee-Wee Herman’s cameo as a bellhop in the film-within-a-film portion of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. “Paging Mr. Herman…”
While Audrina is checking into her hotel, Lynn and Casey share a limo ride from the airport into midtown Manhattan. The two, who we’ve seen go at it in every episode so far, seemingly have decided to let bygones be bygones this time around. The two share a tender moment in the limo, which Lynn relishes because she “got to see [Casey’s] eyes sparkle.”
Sadly, this peace lasted about as long as a standard truce between Wile-E-Coyote and the Road Runner, as Casey rolled her eyes when Lynn suggested that the Patridge girls hit the town for some boozy shenanigans upon their arrival, rather than going to bed and getting some rest.
Things go from worse to worser —that’s an expression, right?— when Lynn, not content to drink her white wine alone, enlists Drina and Casey to join her in a toast so acrobatic in nature that it would strike fear into the heart of Bela Karolyi.
Despite this unnatural entanglement, Lynn manages to slug back her “good luck” toast, which she explains thusly: “It’s a good luck toast. If you toast the first one, the rest of the night will be good. No will be sick, no one will fight, no one will get their feelings hurt.”
No one will get their feelings hurt? Does the expression “famous last words” mean anything to you?
While we don’t learn what happened after that toast with a 9.6 degree of difficulty, we do see the girls walking arm in arm in arm the next morning. And hey look, it’s early Aughts-era hip-hop reference du jour Jacob the Jeweler, fresh out the pokey after a two-year stretch on money laundering charges.
Not only does Jacob hook up the Patridge ladies with some bling —do the kids still call it that?— Audrina surprises Lynn and Casey with the news that Badgley Mischka is going to hook them up with some choice evening wear they’ll be able to sport during Drina’s fashion show. This puts a smile on Casey’s face that’s bigger than any we’ve seen from her to date.
It turns out that, despite seeming a little tomboyish on the surface, Casey really enjoys playing dress up. I mean, look at the way she’s checking herself out in the mirror when she’s wearing this stunning ensemb…
However, Casey’s good mood doesn’t last long, as Lynn uses the opportunity to call attention to some of Casey’s insecurities. “You are NOT wearing that dress,” Lynn demands. “It looks slutty. Maybe for a 6’4″ model that’s on the runway in Paris.”
“It would like slutty if I had big, giant porno boobs sticking out,” Casey replies (which seemed to us to be a minor dig at her big sister). Rather than letting the moment pass, Lynn decides to go full Underminer on Casey, chastising her for her “little bitty t*tties,” which, not surprisingly, not only pisses Casey off, but also hurts her feelings. Getting very defensive, Casey explains that she’s a big girl now and will wear whatever the heck she wants. Then, for emphasis, she sticks her tongue out at Lynn when her back is turned.
Flash forward to dinner later that night. The tension between Lynn and Casey is still thick; it doesn’t help matters that Lynn tells Casey that she has to “eat something healthy” at dinner and, generally, treats her like a child. To ease her nerves, she turns to a familiar friend:
After starting in on her glass of white, she raises her voice so loud that people at surrounding tables can’t help but stare at the Patridge girls. It doesn’t help that Lynn derides “Casey’s t*ts” in a voice loud enough to stop traffic on a busy Manhattan street. Audrina, looking fairly mortified, gives her Mom a death stare and orders “Mom, stop. Just stop.”
Awkward! Feeling beat down, Casey retreats from the table, rather than pressing the battle further. She then starts crying, and we tear up a little, too. For all of Casey’s bravado and outward confidence, it turns out that she really takes criticism to heart, especially when she’s being negatively compared to her flawless-looking older sister. It’s pretty clear to us that Casey has lived her entire life in Drina’s shadow, and her mom’s nagging just poked at an area that she rarely exposes. We feel pretty bad for her, but at the same time, we’re glad that she seems to have her life pretty well together at this point.
Speaking of confidence, Audrina’s is about to take a hit, too. Audrina heads over to the Hearst Tower, which not only is home to Marie Claire magazine, but is also one of New York City’s most recognizable architectural achievements. While there, she meets with a stuffy British editor named Zanna Roberts Rassi, one of those evil fashion ladies that you usually only see in the movies. She goes around making faces like this whenever she gets a chance.
You see, Marie Claire asked Audrina to pop by so they could gauge their level of interest in her on getting a profile in their magazine. As if it wasn’t horrible enough to meet with one super stuck-up British hosebeast, now Audrina is also in a room with another one: the magazine’s Editor-In-Chief, Joanna Coles. Mere seconds later, Coles takes the opportunity to unleash her best impression of Miranda Priestley in The Devil Wears Prada.
Showing no sense of couth or civility whatsoever, Coles immediately snarks on Audrina’s choice of fashion icons (Kate Moss and Alexa Chung, which, if we’re being totally honest, do sorta seem wholly different than Audrina in terms of their style sensibilities), and then, RIGHT TO HER FACE, says the only way she’s going to get into their magazine is if the Marie Claire stylists “de-cheesify her.” Ouch.
Audrina’s reaction is, understandably, one of shock:
After having her confidence rattled by a couple of prudish cows, Audrina has to regroup and get her head back in the game immediately, as she’s got a big fashion show to walk in!
Drina looks stunning, despite nearly taking a spill on the runway. This delights her proud family to no end.
As Casey describes it, “[Audrina] was glittering, she was glowing, she was exquisite.” And judging by the look on Lynn’s face, she would concur with that assessment. It’s good to see these two getting along! However, judging by the previews for next week’s show, this peace won’t be lasting long…