This week’s show is about the power of prayer:
Just kidding! It’s about used hair weave and penis size.
At the start of this episode of Beverly Hills Fabulous Elgin tells us that it finally feels like the salon is running smoothly. Syreeta is gone, he’s got two new stylists, and he’s on his way to a new location in Miami. He worked out all the kinks, so he can concentrate on working out the kinks.
On the other side, the clients are talking about massive penises, and how you can tell who’s got one. “The feet is a lie” Sean informs them. Other ladies go by the thumb size, but this too is questioned by some of the other clients. Their big package debate ends when a delivery man brings a small package for Lolita.
Her package: A box full of Beyonce’s weave. Lolita’s friend cut it off Beyonce’s head, boxed it up, and sent it to her. I find this only slightly less disturbing than the package that Brad Pitt gets at the end of Se7en, but whatever, Lolita seems very pleased. Sean calls this “awful and tacky,” as well as unsanitary. Lolita’s client gets even more grossed out. She asks Lolita to wash her hands before touching her hair, and Lolita obliges because “the customer is always right.” Correction, they’re right the first time:
I don’t know what the big deal is, Beyonce’s hair is probably a lot cleaner than half the things you touch each day. So now Lolita’s angry, and she asks her OCD client to leave. She complains to Sean, who apologizes and offers to see the client next time. This is to keep her from complaining to Elgin. Who says Sean’s irresponsible? He takes responsibility, even when he doesn’t want to.
On the other side, Elgin’s got a client named Jasmine who is in need of major help. She’s got three colors in her short, bushy hair. “It was like someone ran over a fox and then put it on her head,” Elgin says. Then it’s like someone took that dead fox and pressed it against his face as well:
Her hair might be beyond repair, but Tiffany finds some nice new hair in the back. “This hair feels like it’s got some electricity in it,” Elgin tells her as they hold it against her face. You might be able to guess where this hair came from, but here’s a clue: This hair also feels like it’s got some Beyonce in it. Montage time:
Note how her hair tries to elude capture:
Elginized, Beyonced, whatever. It looks good on her.
On the other side, Lolita’s box has gone missing. She goes to look for it, and wanders over to Elgin’s side. Mystery solved.
She tells Sean and Katrina, who are …
… stunned. They beg her to tell Elgin, which she does. He is embarrassed and furious. Consider this his ohhhhh face:
Because that’s the sound and face he makes whenever he’s upset, so pretty much 1-5 times an episode. Fast forward to the next day. Jasmine and her Beyonce hair come back and wait for Lolita’s news, that the hair that Jasmine paid an expensive Beverly Hills salon to style and sew onto her own hair is used hair from the head of Beyonce Knowles. Here comes…
… nothing at all! Jasmin laughs and says, “This is my hair now, so I’m good. I don’t have any complaints.” Maybe she should have one complaint — don’t give your clients used weave. But she’s very nice about the whole thing.
Elgin’s so relieved that he tells her he won’t charge her for the hair, but Lolita says she still needs the hair back since she was going to sell it. Jasmine is nice, but she’s not that nice. Elgin promises to take care of this situation and sends Jasmine bouncing on her way. That only leaves one person unhappy with this situation:
Later they find out that it wasn’t even Beyonce’s weave. On the bright side, that means that Lolita didn’t lose Beyonce’s weave, just some ratty old hair. Win-(sorta) win!
This week’s hair tips:
Avoid tying your hair up with rubber bands. It dries hair out and causes breakage. Bonus tip from me: Try tying your hair back with something moisturizing and soft, like spongecake or cotton soaked in aloe.
Do a cold water rinse to give your hair shine and manageability. Bonus tip from me: If your hair is still unmanageable try some verbal commands, or light corporal discipline.