Time to put Love & Hip Hop to bed.
We’re at this season’s last episode of Love & Hip Hop. What a journey! I’ll never forget the first time Chrissy got into an argument with Somaya or Jim’s mom Nancy, nor will I forget next fight or the next one. Nor will I forget Nancy and Chrissy’s last argument, which begins brewing when Nancy visits Jim at home. She tells us she’s there to tell Jim “… don’t let nobody force you into anything, don’t let nobody force you into anything.” Unless that nobody is Nancy! When Jim insists that he’s in love with Chrissy and happy with the engagement, Nancy reluctantly adds in “I’m there for you,” but we know this isn’t over. Nancy’s going to hold on to Jim for as long as she can.
Later Jim meets Chrissy at the Highline in New York. He’s got a bouquet of flowers and a night full of romance planned at a hotel in the city. A few drinks in, Chrissy starts asking about the engagement and their “two-year plan.” Jim only had two goals for the date: get a little twisted, get a little something. Let’s hope by “a little something” he meant a meaningful discussion of their future together. Because that’s Chrissy’s goal for tonight.
Chrissy starts in on him, while he starts in on his burger.
But Jim’s got the perfect way to calm Chrissy down: play her his new song, which, as we learned last week, is all about their relationship. Chrissy’s into it, but she also tells us that he’s done songs for her before; now she wants actions.
Emily goes to visit Mashonda to talk about a new rumor about Fab. Here’s the scuttlebutt:
It’s hard to know whether this blog is calling Amber Rose, Fab, or Emily the dummy. But Emily does feel like the dummy right now. Mashonda gives us the wise parallels to her own relationship. Emily insists that when they’re at home together, she and Fabolous are happy. But Mashonda tells her that what she has isn’t happiness. Looks like Emily just needed someone to say it out loud:
Somaya is getting ready to back to California, after having spent the whole summer in NYC recording, fighting, recording, doing a music video, and fighting. But she’s not going to get on a plane without one more argument. Rich comes through the studio door looking for her and looking to discuss her on-camera interview about Olivia. Somaya’s not so much scared as annoyed, explaining that Olivia is once again too frightened to face Somaya on her own and has thus sent her “daddy” to protect her. Also, this dad is angry:
“I hate the hip hop ghetto antics,” Somaya’s manager Maurice tells us. If he hates ‘hip hop ghetto antics’ then he hates Love & Hip Hop. Guess we won’t be seeing you next season!
To another fight: Chrissy and Nancy, Part II. Chrissy wants to take Nancy out to eat, but instead they end up arguing in her car. Don’t you hate when that happens? One moment you think you’re going out to eat, the next moment you’re arguing in the parking lot of a Safeway while dressed like undercover private investigators?
One of the big problems is that Chrissy and Nancy are a lot alike. Nancy realizes this, but finds ways to justify her side of things. For instance: “My controlling is for the good, her controlling is because she wants to be in charge,” Nancy tells us. She lets Chrissy know that she’s a “selfish bitch,” and Chrissy calls her a “psychotic bitch,” a title Nancy prefers to “selfish bitch.” Nancy starts demanding a grandchild and says that Jim shouldn’t marry her without getting something out of it. She storms off. In fact, Chrissy does want a child, so once again, they’re more similar than either of them wants to admit.
Chrissy invites her friends over for a “sexy slumber party.” Sexy sunny boat trips, sexy slumber parties… is there anything Chrissy can’t make sexy? Apparently not, judging by this sexy children’s onesie she’s got on.
They gather around a table to drink champagne and play some “frickin’ girl games,” in Olivia’s words. It’s semi-romantic questions that I think might be meant for a sexy couples’ sleepover. But as we’ve realized, these ladies can’t exactly rely on their other halves.
Chrissy plays the song for Emily, and Emily interviews that she feels like Fab has written about her… but he’s never used her name like Jim has done for Chrissy. It’s very sweet. But Chrissy says it’s time for less tell, more show.
They ask Emily about what’s going on with Fab, and she admits that she’s thinking about ending things. The other ladies approve of her strength.
So Emily proposes a toast to “love and friendship,” Olivia suggests “love and happiness” and Chrissy suggests “love and… hip hop.” No perfect endings on this show, but hey, that comes pretty close.
To the epilogue: We see Somaya in the studio, cutting and assembling her own mixtape covers. “Somaya ‘Boss’ Reece is here to stay, so respect my grind” she tells us.
Then we see Emily open up her family portrait as she tells us she’s going to be thinking of her family first.
Olivia talks about her growing career success and how she’ll no longer just be doing hooks on rappers’ songs. Unless that song is for Jim and Chrissy, of course.
And Chrissy tells us it’s “… me against the world when it comes to the Jones,” as she throws away a fat stack of wedding magazines. “I’m feeling like marriage is really not in the cards right now,” she tells us. And we end on that down note.
Will Jim and Chrissy get married? Will Emily leave Fab? Will Somaya and Olivia obtain the success they’ve worked hard for? And will Maurice learn to embrace hip hop ghetto antics like the rest of us have? Find out next season!