Audrina – Episode 6 – Vegas, Sex Fish, And That Little Worm Kyle

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World War III has begun, and surprisingly, the epicenter is in Orange County at the Patridge home. The fight between Lynn Patridge and her daughter Casey came to a head when Lynn was told she wasn’t welcome to babysit Casey’s kids. And hell hath no fury like a grandma scorned.

Poor Audrina. In this episode, not only does she have boyfriend drama with Corey, but her family is falling apart and her assistant is moving away. At least she has the one constant that all young celebrities have in their lives: A trip to Vegas on a private jet. But first, let’s address the family drama.

After Casey and Kyle storm out after the family dinner, Lynn continues to flip out with a barrage of obscenities that makes our network’s bleeper work for his money this week. Audrina tells her mother “It’s over. It’s done between you guys.” This is Lynn’s cue to go smoke out on the patio.

This means everyone else in the family holds court around the dinner table, analyzing the situation with confused looks on their faces (except for Mark, who always has an inappropriate smile on his face.)

Meanwhile, Casey and Kyle are out front and Casey mentions how thankful she is for Kyle’s family. “His mom is the mother I’ve always wanted and I’ve always needed,” she says, which will no doubt kill Lynn even faster than her chain-smoked Newport Lights.

“I’ve watched the TMZ video and you know what? She can try to apologize and say she didn’t mean any of that, but that’s who she is,” Casey continues. “Sorry, but I have more class than her and I’m not gonna do this. And this is exactly why she isn’t gonna see her grandkids.” So maybe Audrina is right, maybe this really does mean it’s the end of Lynn and Casey, those are some fighting words.

Mark decides to make good on his anniversary promise to Lynn and he takes her out shopping for a ring with the hope that it will cheer Lynn up. Lynn is upset, but not so upset that she can’t pick herself out an eight-carat diamond ring.

When she finally decides what she wants, she tells the jeweler she’s not interested in opening up no stinking ordinary ring box, she must have a light in the box. ‘Cause that’s classy.

Later, at Audrina’s, she and her assistant Michelle are talking about how Audrina cleans the house in her underwear while video-chatting with Corey. Is this for real? This is either a joke that proves that Audrina is funnier than we thought, or she serious and therefore more insane than we thought, in which case, ugh. It’s so hard to tell, but either way assistant Michelle can’t believe it. She also can’t believe the giant glass decanter that looks like a sex toy just sitting on Drina’s kitchen counter.

Michelle tells Audrina that sadly, she’s planning to leave California and she’s quitting her job with Audrina, and that, coupled with Audrina’s family trouble means a trip to Las Vegas is in order. Which means that the Patridge’s #1 fan, Donald Trump, gets some product placement in this episode.

In Vegas, Audrina, her brother Marky, assistant Michelle, and their friends party down.

Audrina parties so hard that she ignores her phone, which has been slowly accumulating messages from Corey, who thinks Audrina is out partying and having sexy time with random dudes. And yet Corey knows Drina is partying with her brother, so it makes no sense why he’s all jealous. Also, not that we didn’t expect this, but Michelle and Audrina are totally woo girls.

When they get back from Vegas, they head out to dinner with Lynn and Mark and discuss oysters, or as Lynn calls them, “sex fish” on account of their being an aphrodisiac. “I used to eat ‘em all the time, that’s why I had so many babies,” Lynn explains. In other news, is “sex fish” trending on Twitter yet?

After an exhausting half hour of family drama, Mark decides to reward us (and Lynn) with the one thing we all want most. That eight carat-ring in a light-up box.

Because we’ve all been through hell in this episode and we deserve it.

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