Mob Wives Recap – Episode 7 – Thirteen Years Is A F***ing Lifetime (Or Is It?)

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Hide your flower vases, people. It’s time to square up or shut the f*** up!

Let’s see, where did we leave off in Mob Wives last week? Oh yeah, that’s right, all hell was breaking loose (at a beautiful Sunday dinner, of all the occasions)! Carla and Renee were pulling each other’s hair, and that whirling dervish known as Drita was taking her shoes off (which, of course, is what you do when you get ready to fight). As she so deftly put it…

"Square up, let's do this or shut the f*** up."

Fortunately for everyone who would’ve felt the wrath of Drita, cooler heads prevailed and the women retreated to the kitchen to get things settled. However, it’s clear that Renee is stil upset (“I never raise my hands, I don’t believe in that”), and keeps provoking Carla. That is, until a flower vase went flying across the island in her kitchen, tossed by an unlikely candidate…

It’s Karen!

She just successfully backed Drita down, now she’s inspiring facial reactions like this from the likes of Renee:

Karen has been stewing for the last few weeks, unable to come to terms with the fact that Drita stole, dated, and then, married and had children with Lee D’avanzo, her ex-boyfriend. However, she put it differently: “It’s not about Lee, it’s about friendship.” Not surprisingly, Drita’s not having it.

You see, in Drita’s eyes, she doesn’t think this Karen drama has anything to do with friendship. Nope, it’s about something more, um, primal.

"Is it, Karen, about our friendship? Or is it that your new man does not pound you out good enough, that you have to remember how mine did."

Oh, SNAP! Bonus points for the pounding motion, too.

Despite all the braggadocio, everyone eventually calmed down, reasserted their friendship for each other, and hugged it out. Ari Gold on Entourage must be proud.

The Mob Wives may have just established a physical truce by Hugging It Out™, but the behind-the-back trash talk continues on stronger than ever when Carla and Drita get together to recap the evening’s events the next day. Turns out that, after all that drama, nobody got to even eat at Renee’s the night before. This prompts Drita to break out her imaginary Uzi sub-machine gun and mob down her imaginary foes who don’t keep her properly fed.

While we’re on the topic of Drita, her triangular relationship with Lee and Karen isn’t the only thing on her mind has other things on her mind. After all, it was only last week that she took a whole bunch of sexy photos for Lee. How sexy were they, exactly? So sexy that her daughter considers them naked pictures.

Lee is rather impressed with them, too. I mean, wouldn’t anyone be? Specifically, though, he asks her about the size of her bosom. Or, as he put it, “How big are your t***?” Nice, simple, direct, we like it. Drita doesn’t seem to mind this line of questioning, either. “They’re not that big. You know what? Honestly, they got bigger after I had the kids. Then I had them done, because they got banged up.”

Well, whatever work she’s had done, she is OWNING it.

It’s inarguable that Drita looks great, but we do have one little quibble with her philosophy. Specifically, her assertion that “being in jail is no different than people being in long-distance relationships.” While it is true that we here at the VH1 Blog have never dated someone behind bars, we have been in long distance relationships. Granted, it’s been a few years, but we don’t recall any wardens hanging around and keeping watch over our every move.

Carla doesn’t abide by all of Drita’s philosophies, either. To wit, she has absolutely NO plans to pose in lingerie for her jailbird husband. She won’t even wrap up some of the things she’s buying for her husband, Joseph, when he goes from the pokey to a halfway house in two weeks. Nope, she’s putting those socks, tighty whities and shirts in a duffle bag and that’s that.

Next week on Mob Wives: Will Renee ever find love? I mean, with someone OTHER than Junior? As she herself explains, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

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