In last week’s recap, we talked about how that episode of Basketball Wives was the calm before the storm. This week, the thunder started clapping and the rain (in the form of glasses and tableware) started to get tossed about. This season is about to get Category 5, y’all.
This episode was 100% Tami free, which means our reigning Queen of Explosiveness will be on hiatus this week. But Royce and Evelyn certainly made up for her absence. In order of combustibility, here’s what happened.
Shaunie, Explosive Factor, Low As Always: 0
Unless we’re dealing with Gloria Govan (which we are most certainly not this season), Shaunie is never the drama queen. In fact, this week she was in mother-mode, both literally, as we saw her with her kids on the beach, and figuratively, when she was giving advice to Meeka about how to handle Tami. “I think my advice probably went right over her head,” Shaunie says about Meeka. “She talks so much and so fast and so much comes out that you’re like what, wait, huh?”
Jennifer, Explosive Factor, Fairly Neutral: 4
Jen isn’t necessarily in the middle of any drama, but she’s definitely stoking the fire. She’s still angry at Royce, who is Twitter-following Jen’s soon-to-be ex-husband Eric. “That’s Girlfriends 101. You’re cool with my soon-to-be ex? Really?” Jen asks, but she’s not having it.
Jen might not make for a good lawyer though, because when she accuses Royce of talking smack about her on Twitter and Royce says “Tell me what I said,” Jen’s only defense is “She (Evelyn) told me. Like I’m not going to believe her?” Um…Might we suggest knowing what you’re talking about firsthand before accusing someone of trash-talking? (Wait, we should probably give that advice to all these ladies.)
Suzie, Explosive Factor, That “Just Wanting Everyone To Get Along” Plan Backfired: 4
Suzie is here for two reasons. The first is to eat ice cream and drink smoothies with Royce all the livelong day.
The second is to force Royce and Evelyn to have a sit-down, which she eventually does. “If this means that much to you, I’ll do it,” Royce tells her, and Suzie promises her “If it’s still ugly, move on, I won’t even ask again.” And we’re pretty sure she won’t be asking again after what happens later.
Meeka, Explosive Factor, Low Because Her Nemesis, Tami, Is On Vacation: 5
Meeka’s storyline is not fully fleshed out this week, since her real beef is with Tami, who thinks Meeka talked trash about Royce.
Meeka does meet up with Royce though, who says they’re cool but that warns Meeka that each side is going to ask her to turn her back on the other. Meeka might be new to this game but, fine-tuned instrument that she is, she knows when she’s getting played.
Evelyn, Explosive Factor, Hell Hath No Fury Like The Future Mother Of Pepe And Esteban: 9
Evelyn and Chad want to have twin boys.Those people who say “I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy”? Screw them. These two are having boys at any cost. “I don’t care if I have my red-bottoms anymore, I’d rather have my babies,” Evelyn says, so you know she must be serious. Evelyn meets a fertility doctor and tells him her age, and FYI, ladies who want to conceive, we hear it’s not nearly as hard to have a baby when you’re “35 but look 25.” It’s all in how you look, obvs. Later, Ev and Chad go back to the doctor so that Chad can jerk into a cup, a concept that makes Evelyn giggle.
It’s amazing to see Evelyn acting so calm and collected in one element (with Chad, with the doctor), and how quickly she turns into someone not to be f—ed with in another. Royce jokes about bringing her brass knuckles to her meeting with Evelyn but like, for real. No joke. Bring them, because Evelyn will kick your ass.
Evelyn says “I think Royce is very delusional. Shut up for once and maybe just listen. I think she’s nuts,” and when they meet in person, Evelyn immediately goes in on Royce calling her a bum. Royce calls her a ho and they spend the next few minutes with that back and forth until Evelyn hurls a glass at Royce’s head.
“If security didn’t come I would have punched her in her face, that’s how angry I was the entire time I was sitting there,” Ev explains.
So…lesson learned, huh Suzie? Let’s keep these ladies apart.
Royce, Explosive Factor: 10
Royce’s new boyfriend Brian seems nice enough. He even buys her a dog which is a pretty big purchase for a fledgling romance, but Royce has to deal with her dad’s watchful eye and he’s not sure how this relationship is working.
You don’t care about the personal stuff, though, so let’s talk about when someone throws a glass at your head, and all the appropriate ways to respond to that. Hounded by Suzie to get along with Evelyn, Royce begrudgingly agrees to meet up, but she’s not happy about it.
Something tells us that what went down is probably going to make Suzie public enemy #1 again with all parties, but neither Royce nor Evelyn wanted to be there in the first place and within seconds, Royce tells her “I don’t like you,” and the glasses start flying and Royce gets crazy eyes for just a moment.
To paraphrase that famous line from The Hills, “It’s crazy that all of this happening while Tami is gone.”