The men that the Single Ladies were involved with tonight were the worst. “Uncle Teddy” right here was bad, but boy, Darryl sure ended up being the worst one of all, huh? Didn’t see that one coming.
April is turning 25 this week, hooray! Val and Keisha want to throw her a big bash to celebrate this milestone birthday, but April’s feeling pretty terrible. Her relationship with Darryl is flailing, all of Atlanta knows her as Mistress #9, and even the fact that she can finally tap into her trust fund isn’t helping matters. April tells the girls she wants to keep things low-key, to which Keisha responds “Don’t let drama make you dull!”April doesn’t care though, she just wants a calm night with her friends. That’s not quite what she gets though…but we’ll get to that.
Keisha is dealing with her own issues, but dullness isn’t one of them. While she drags the girls to a cigar bar (which Val is not happy about)
she meets Dr. Nolan Gifford, who is the worst kind of pretentious.
Keisha learns that he and his friends are insufferable when she goes to a dinner with them all. You just know it’s bad when the party starts out with someone saying “That is such a jejune point of view!” I’m pretty sure no one in the history of the world has been so bougie as to say that out loud, but even in this fictional context, it makes my skin crawl. Keisha immediately finds herself out of place at this over-educated, disapproving-look exchanging Dinner Party From Hell.
So many disapproving looks.
Keisha, who was once thrilled at the idea that she was in “good, wealthy, well-educated hands” now realized that Dr. Gifford has a wonderful way of making her feel like an ass who doubts herself and her education. He takes it a step too far though when just before they’re about to have a picnic on his cozy cashmere blanket, a ticket scalper tries to sell him tickets to a Wynton Marsalis show. Keisha protests, but Dr. Gifford pulls the old “Keisha, let the men handle this.”
Look, I’m all for men doing things for me. Taking out the garbage. Driving places. Whatever. But if anyone ever said “Let the men handle this”? If I was able to suppress the urge to kick said men in the nuts, my next logical reaction would be Keisha’s, which is to slam her date for his ego and walk away forever. But not before telling him he just bought expired concert tickets. Burn! Oh but guess who Keisha passes as she’s angrily huffing away? Malcolm of course.
Wait, no. Sorry. That’s the gratuitous (but I’ll take it), naked shot of Malcolm from earlier in the episode as he contemplated calling Keisha. Here’s the fully-clothed but less visually appealing shot of Malcolm as Keisha storms away from Dr. Gifford.
Meanwhile, Val is learning the hard way what it’s like to juggle multiple men at once. First there’s Teddy, a.k.a. Uncle Teddy, a.k.a. the man who needs a governess for his family (paging Julie Andrews!) more than he needs a girlfriend.
Val should have seen it coming when Teddy bailed on their first date to pick up his brother and niece when their car broke down.
Doesn’t anyone else shut off their phones while they’re on a date so this sort of thing doesn’t have to happen? Am I just old-fashioned that way?
Then the family interrupts Val and Teddy’s evening in and they all crash on the couch to watch Blades of Glory. (Poor Val. Will anyone ever watch Love Jones with her? KC wouldn’t, and now Teddy and family won’t either. Is that going to be some big reveal at the end of the series, where Val marries the one guy who will agree to watch Love Jones?)
The last straw is when Teddy gives his nieces Val’s phone number for emergencies and he asks her to check in on them while he’s away on business. Val walks out on Teddy and his over-sized baggage, hopefully to spend time with her two other suitors, Sebastian
Val is fighting the men off with sticks this week, but all that juggling is not for her. She’s a one-man woman and can’t handle it.
Back to April. Poor April. Well, not really poor, because as we’ve been reminded about twenty times, she’s about to be rolling in a cool half-million thanks to her grandmother’s PowerBall money. Something that’s not lost on Darryl. He’s tried to work on things in therapy with her,
but Darryl is clearly holding in a lot of anger. So much, that he cruelly decides to accept April’s invitation to her birthday, for reasons that are very un-birthday-like. This party was supposed to be low-key and fun, but Darryl didn’t get that memo. He went with one thing in mind, and that was revenge, served very cold, and very sociopathically. As soon as he shows up to the party, he serves April with divorce papers in front of everyone.
And with that, Darryl went from cuckolded guy you feel sorry for to heartless robot who wants alimony. April rightfully breaks down, but we say good riddance to Darryl, that guy gets more cruel with every second.
And April? Here’s an official welcome to life as a single lady.