Lenny Kravitz plays the world’s most careless game-show-host/con artist, a character named Bart Billingsworth, in his new music video, “Stand.” Thanks to a complicated piece of machinery called the Cheat-O-Rama 3000, Kravitz/Billingsworth turns a Let’s Make a Deal type of show into Two-Card Monty. His hubris is such a perfect object lesson in how not to run a con that we thought we’d offer some tips for those of you who also want to go back in time and steal prizes from the game show you host.
1. If you use a machine to orchestrate your con, cover its name, and maybe unscrew the lightbulbs of its marquee, so it doesn’t draw attention to itself.
2. Make sure you let at least one contestant win a big prize. If you keep giving people only the lesser prizes (like, say, an alarm clock), they’re bound to get suspicious, or at least feel cheated. (P.S. We see what you did there with the alarm clock.)
3. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP. Make sure everyone in your house band is on the take! If you just keep all the prizes for yourself, a moral drummer is bound to raise the curtain on you!
(As for the sexual advances on “Bart’s Beauties,” we can’t condone the behavior, but if Bob Barker allegedly got away with it for so many years, we can’t definitively say it will adversely affect your con.)
We hope that, armed with these tips, you can, in the future, successfully go back in time and swindle regular folks in goofy costumes. You’re welcome!