The Beastie Boys “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win”—Even When Action-Figure Lives Are On The Line

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We’ve been anticipating the Spike Jonze-helmed Beastie Boys action-figure music video for “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win” since the band announced two weeks ago that they were reteaming with the director. Last night, the under-four-minute television edit premiered on Funny or Die, and early this morning the uncensored full-length video dropped on YouTube. Clocking in at over 11 minutes, and featuring not only the song’s LP version but also a French-house remix by Sebastian (when its musical soundtrack isn’t faded down for the Howie scream and other plot-related sound effects), the video is a suitable next chapter in the Boys’ continuing project of seventies pastiche. (Why haven’t they ever collaborated with Quentin Tarantino?)

In addition to giving the Santigold action figure more screen time and a more active role, the longer cut also answers important questions that the edit raises. For example, the yeti who appears briefly at the short clip’s end is revealed to be a friend to the Beastie Boys and an enemy to the zombie anti-Beastie strike force. (The undead are everywhere these days!)

Of course, the compassionate Beasties make sure to indicate that even their enemies have feelings too:

The video even answers questions we didn’t know we had. Did you know that Ad Rock has a sick ab tattoo of a coiled snake hissing at a fist that says “AD ROCK” over his heart? Well, he probably doesn’t, but his action-figure counterpart sure does:

As the sole surviving anti-Beastie says in the clip, “Well played, friends.”