Unfortunately for Val, this ain’t never gonna happen.
This week on Single Ladies, no matter how close the women get to fulfilling their dreams and almost reaching their goals, it just isn’t happening for any of them. And of course they have only the men in their lives to blame.
First, let’s discuss Val, whose relationship with Jerry was almost perfect. Almost. But because Jerry’s already been around the block, having been married and divorced three times and being the father to grown children, he’s made a vow to never marry again, and he tells her so over dinner. “I promise to love you and always be true to you, I just don’t want to get married again,” he says, but that technically won’t make their relationship real in the eyes of God and the law, so Val’s not thrilled to hear it.
Paula Abdul and MC Skat Cat were definitely right when they sang about opposites attracting, because Val ONLY wants to be married and have kids. Hence the reason she’s so thrilled to wear one of her own custom-made wedding dresses around the shop.
The ladies try to get her out of her Jerry-based funk by telling her that marriage should not be the end-all, and she should accept Jerry’s request to be together, minus the ring. “Marriage is the pinnacle of dating. It’s relationship gold,” Val pleads. (You hear that, Jerry? It’s gold!)
Despite their attempts to convince her to stay in the relationship that is otherwise perfect, Val tells Jerry “If I agree to a relationship on the terms you proposed, I would be robbing myself of a life I really want,” and even though Jerry says forever, forever isn’t a ring and a ceremony and babies, so Val walks away from it all.
Keisha‘s also got some drama on her hands when she meets Ashley, Malcolm’s dirty little secret of an ex-wife.
Things were going well for Keisha and Malcolm at the beginning of this episode. Keisha was finally getting a handle on her new real estate career, she was making herself at home at Malcolm’s mansion and — wait, about that. Is Malcolm like the guy from Sleeping With The Enemy? I mean, look at that fridge organization.
All labels must face forward! That’s not natural.
This episode marks the second time Malcolm has explained his back story and our head has started to hurt. The first time was when he tried to tell Keisha why his relationship with his brother Terrance was so complicated. This time around, he attempted to explain that he married and divorced Ashley because he needed to borrow money from her father, who is currently dying, but who also disowned Ashley and still doesn’t speak to her, so Malcolm feels he owes it to Ashley to keep in touch. (This still doesn’t explain why Malcolm’s brother Terrance harasses people at Ashley’s salon, though. I’m assuming we’ll get to that.)
Keisha is understanding, up to a point. Because when Ashley shows up for unexpected visit #2 at Malcolm’s house, Keisha tells her she’s on to her. When Ashley tries to reassure Keisha that she’s only dropping by to get Terrance to stop showing up at her salon, Keisha puts her in her place. “A man might believe it’s just about his brother and your salon,” she says “but I’m a woman. I know how we do.”
And with that, Ashley takes off for Japan, and Keisha shows her who’s boss. But you know who the real boss is? Terrance. Because he warns Keisha that Malcolm might be be so straight with her after all. “Watch your back with him,” he tells her. “Everything ain’t what it seems, starting with Ashley.” Well that’s not something you want he hear.
April is also dealing with two aggravating men, Reed and her boss, Wes, and neither of them is being very straight with her either. Wes, first of all, is the most demeaning, awful boss ever.
He tells April to sign Reed to a terrible contract, and to do so “With as little lip as possible.” Dear Wes, beat it. How April stays his assistant is beyond me, especially since he keeps flip-flopping on giving her a promotion.
April tells Reed the terms of the contract Wes wants him to sign and he, too, turns on her. April can’t catch a break, nor can she find a man in her life who doesn’t make her feel like crap for being “just” an assistant.
At Reed’s big industry show, he gives the performance of his life, and Wes finally realizes that April turned this guy into a real star.
It’s also at this moment that Wes tells April they lost Reed, he signed to another label earlier in the day, and all of April’s hard work and post-overdose nurturing has been pointless. Reed, like Val, knew he wasn’t getting what he wanted, so he walked. April is crushed.
On to Omar and Christina, who are having their own issues, although neither is quite as serious as the others’. First, Omar realized he’s been moving to fast with his new-old boyfriend Derek. The pair dated when they were seventeen and recently rekindled that flame, perhaps a little too quickly. And Derek, tall drink of water that he is, has so many annoying habits, that the flame has been doused.
“The other day he sneezed, and I was so irritated that I didn’t even say bless you,” Omar says. And yet, since Derek is unemployed, Omar doesn’t have the heart to kick him out.
Christina, on the other hand, was so optimistic about things with her new beau Gabe, but it wasn’t until they tried and failed to have a threesome that things got weird. Well, what was weird was Gabe’s inability to get his skinny jeans off, even with the aid of two willing helpers.
But weirder still was the fact that Gabe and Girl #2 ended up completely leaving Christina out of the threesome, which defeats the point, and left Christina defeated as well. In case you’re not sure what happens next, we’ll fill you in since it seems to be a running theme here, after realizing Gabe was just using the threesome as a way to have sex with another girl, Christina walks.
But before she could write Gabe off entirely, it turns out he was only having sex with that other girl because he didn’t know Christina wanted to date him exclusively. Uh durr. So they make up. (Why? Who knows.) She seems happy, but man does she have crappy taste in guys. Whatever happened to creepy professor? I’m going to go out on a limb and fill in their back story by saying we haven’t seen him because she needed a restraining order against him and his hipster scarf.
It sounds like Keisha’s words ring true in this episode, you really can’t hit the jackpot all the time. And she should know about that, she did gamble for a living.