Single Ladies – Episode 10 – Can’t Read My Poker Face

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Okay, let me just thank the powers that be that there’s a season two of Single Ladies right now, because I need answers!

First, I need answers to the big double proposal dilemma of 2011. I mean, I saw the whole hookup thing with Quinn coming as soon as Val drank her weight in champagne, but two proposals in one day (while wearing the same bedsheet)???

Too much for me to handle right now.

When the episode began, Christina, sassy and inappropriate intern that we know her to be, was ribbing Val about her self-sabotaging ways in the men department. Christina was video-blogging her experiences working at V for school, and the gang decides to snoop on her and watch her previous posts. Why Val’s love life would have any bearing on Christina’s grade or any relevance to her education is beyond me, but it makes for some decent plot advancement. In one post (where Christina is fascinatingly accessorized in pearls and a cocked baseball cap), she calls Val’s love life “a disaster.”

This prompts April to actually look up the word “disaster” in the dictionary for some reason. Why, April, why? We know you aren’t that dumb, girl.

But Christina’s not done. She also says that “when it comes to men, she’s a doozy,” and says that if she has to grade Val’s love life, she’d give her all Fs. Val doesn’t take this well. Val defends her choice to break up with Jerry, her perfect man, just because he wouldn’t give her a ring, and her friends could not be more begrudging in their support. If you could caption their expressions, they’d be like “I guess? We support that? Or whatever?”

Christina criticized Val for sabotaging her own relationships, but for the first time this week, Val sabotages the relationships of those around her too. When Omar‘s ne’er-do-well boyfriend Derek stops by the shop and tells Val he plans to make up for his recent bad boyfriend behavior by taking Omar to Cancun, Val actually takes it upon herself to tell Derek “Thanks, but no thanks. Omar’s not interested.” When she proudly tells Omar she’s saved him from a potentially awkward situation and basically helped break them up, Christina hits the nail on the head when she says “I feel a ‘you’ coming, but I don’t think ‘thank’ is the word in front of it.”

Omar’s angry. Very angry. (But it’s all good, Derek makes up for it later and the two of them reconcile. Thanks for playing Omar, your work in this episode is done!)

The ladies head out for a night at the casino later,

and if we can suspend our disbelief that Keisha and Val can roll four lucky sevens in a row, we can also get over the fact that in four seconds flat, Val sees Jerry while they’re out, reconciles with him (hooray! “A bottle of your finest Champagne!” Jerry orders) and then gets re-broken-up with when he can see that she really can’t deal with never being married. (Hey waiter, where are you going with that full glass of champagne my ex-not ex-oh, wait, he’s my ex again boyfriend was just drinking? I was going to finish that.)

Not to mention the fact that this all resulted because Val was trying to cockblock (vagblock?) Chilli.

So back to Val’s relationship sabotage. The thing is, by breaking up with Jerry, she intentionally made things hard on herself. But of course the wrongest thing to do when you break up with your new boyfriend is to call your old one, but Val is so innocent, she doesn’t realize that by calling Quinn, she’s unintentionally about to sabotage what she had with Jerry too. Still, she calls him and of course he’s like “Hello? Hello? Val is that you? I misssss youuuuu.”

And one dinner and two more bottles of Champagne later, Val is drunk enough to miss Quinn too, to the point where she invites him over for ex-sex.

And this is where it gets complicated.

Quinn was waiting for a moment such as this to arise (cough) because he’s still got feelings for Val after all these months. He explains “Jerry’s as big a fool as I was,” for letting Val go, and he’s not about to let her slip away again. And so, after a night of drunken passion, in a moment of vulnerability, he proposes to her.

And before Val can answer yes or no, the only thing more awkward than this proposal being projected on a Jumbotron happens. Jerry knocks on Vals door to tell her he’s reconsidered his marriage rule, and he proposes right then and there, while his beloved stews in the bedsheets she rolled around in with another.

And Quinn walks out like “Who’s at the door, babe?” and Jerry’s like

“Are you kidding me with this?”

Poor Jerry. Poor Val. Poor everyone. So cringey! So awkward! So cliffhangery! I hate waiting!

We’re also going to have to wait to find out just what the hell is going on with Keisha and Malcolm too. After Keisha explains that her Spidey senses were feeling like things with Malcolm were going a little too well, the s— hits the fan when she arrives home to find Winston a.k.a. Agent Law a.k.a. Rick Fox rummaging through every last nook, cranny, and suit of armor in Malcolm’s house looking for…something. Why, is the question. The only things Agent Winston Law Rick Fox will say is that Malcolm has been in cahoots with his ex, Ashley, the whole time he was with Keisha, and it appears they’ve fled the country.

You can tell that Keisha is devastated but not willing to completely sell out Malcolm without knowing all the facts, so she defensively backs him, knowing as little as we do, but it would appear that she allowed herself to ignore her own rules of gambling, the ones she was telling April about.

1. Never risk more than you’re willing to lose.

2. Know when to fold.

3. If you got a gut feeling, go with it. Odds are, you’re probably right.

It would appear that Keisha’s gut feeling about Malcolm being too good to be true was right, but she obviously risked more than she wanted and didn’t fold in time.

And as for April? Well, April might be the only one here with a happy-ish ending. Finally at her breaking point with her boss Wes, she quits her job at the record company. Let’s face it, no one will be upset to see Wes go, and it’s about time April moved on. And wouldn’t you know, her resignation came just in time for Reed to show up and tell her he got her a job at his new label. Even though she’s not sure if she wants the job, she tells him he might be her type after all, so you know, they could still get down to business in some way or another.

April also has a divorce mediation with Darryl and is preparing to lose half her fortune to him when he all of a sudden, after a season of a—holery he has a change of heart. He sees the penitence in her eyes and forgives her.

If only all divorce mediations were this easy. (Also, I secretly want the two actors who played Darryl and April’s lawyers to fall in love in real life, it just seems like this would be a great “The way we met” story).

And with that, season one comes to a close. Two friends’ lives in total disarray, one finally getting her life together, and a whole lot of drama in between. Until next season!

Now that the season is over, we’d also like to say congratulations to the Single Ladies: Single And Liking It contest winners who participated in our Facebook promotion earlier this season and were flown to New York City for a shopping spree, professional photo shoot, and they’ll have their photo appear on digital billboards in NYC and LA promoting the finale to the show. Here’s a quick look at their time in New York…congrats ladies!

[Video by Martin Glenn]

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