The T.O. Show – Episode 1 – Old Hickory

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The first episode of the third season of The T.O. Show may as well have aired on the Surgery Channel, because at least to my delicate, squeamish sensibilities, the bone-sawing and skin-suturing seemed to take up the entire episode. Sure, we got plenty of T.O.‘s personal drama in that 30 minutes, but all I took away from the episode was T.O.’s surgeon explaining how hard his bone was to cut through, just like hickory wood. (Shudder.)

ANYway.

Season three kicks off with Terrell Owens explaining that as a result of his torn ACL, his career as a professional football player is in jeopardy. “I know my career is gonna end at some point,” he says “You obviously want it to end on your own terms.” And as a result of this knee injury, his career status is up in the air indefinitely.

T.O. enters the hospital to have surgery on his knee and the first person he calls to be by his side is his BFF and publicist, Kita. (This episode is actually more like The Kita Show because so much of it takes place while T.O. is knocked out.)

Kita shows up with no clue what T.O. is in the hospital for, but she IS intuitive enough to know that whatever the deal is, T.O. isn’t wearing anything under his hospital gown. “Are you hangin’ and swinging? You got no undies on?” she asks him, and indeed, if there was one thing the man forgot to pack in his go-bag, it was boxers.

As he preps for surgery, Kita gets him to ham it up:

and then he gets rolled into the operating room and the buzz saw starts a-buzzin’.

You know what one sentence I wish I could un-hear? “That’s the hardest bone I’ve ever whittled on.” Dear doctor, please don’t ever talk about whittling bones. Kita thinks it’s pretty nasty too.

After the surgery the doctor tells her “His bone was hard as hickory,” and she’s like “Enough with the wood metaphors.”

Another thing Kita’s not psyched about after the surgery is over: the arrival of Kari, T.O.’s ex-girlfriend who refused his marriage proposal. Even though T.O. is thrilled to see Kari and he’s pretty confident that he’s matured and will be able to win her back, Kita tells Kari “This is awkward!” and gives her an even more awkward hug.

Just because Kita gives such good reaction shots, I need to add this one, at the moment that she asks Kari why she turned down T.O.’s proposal. Get right to the point, Kita!

Kari explains that T.O. was a hot mess back then and she stuck around as long as she could just waiting for him to behave.
“This recovery process…will be the fight of my life,” T.O. explains. But somehow, we think his personal life will give that recovery process a run for it’s money this season.

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