The T.O. Show – Episode 4 – Good Vibrations

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“I was cool with showing John Salley my vibrator, but there was no way in hell that I would ever introduce Ted to Terrell.” Thus begins The T.O. Show‘s version of a letter to the Penthouse Forum.

Kita alluded to her battery-operated boyfriend, Ted, in the previous episode, but we met Ted and his larger, more powerful, multi-pronged brother this week, finally! If there’s one thing I never thought I’d see on basic cable (or premium cable for that matter), it would be John Salley smelling a vibrator, but boy howdy, I will never un-see that now.

The look on T.O.‘s face when John Salley busts out Kita’s other vibrator which he somehow found in her bedroom (I won’t even ask how or why or when or anything) is pretty priceless.

The fact of the matter is that John Salley was not just in town to make Kita’s life an embarrassing hell for one night, he was actually there for two reasons, one, to give T.O. advice on how to diversify his career options, a.k.a. tell him the best ways to make millions of dollars by capitalizing on your name. (If only it was that easy, right? I mean, I guess it is if you’re a famous athlete. Why didn’t I try harder at field hockey tryouts, dammit??)

Reason number two for John being in town is that he is hosting a bikini contest which T.O. is helping to judge and which Kita is secretly participating in. Girlfriend looks pretty good, and she actually wins.

Mo and T.O. don’t let Kita’s moment of glory last very long though, because she’s about to get an unexpected visit from Joe, her married ex-boyfriend who broke her heart. T.O. knew Joe was coming and must have thought it would be a pleasant surprise for Kita to see her lost love, but…wait, is Joe still married? What’s going on here? As much as T.O. and Mo explain that they want Kita to be happy and Joe loves her, I’m going to side with Kita and say that they probably shouldn’t have stuck their noses in her business (ugh, flashback to John Sally! NONONO!).

Kita sends Joe, who flew cross-country to see her, away and Joe sadly tells her he loves her. He looks so sad, that Joe.

Like any smart woman who values herself (sorry, I don’t mean to be self-helpy but it’s TRUE), she is not ready to forgive Joe or forget his marital status or jump back into a relationship with him. When Kita tells T.O. he shouldn’t have butted in to her business, he tells her “You outta be grateful somebody’s trying to love your little ass.”
Oh s—.

(Meanwhile, you know that if Kita gave that hand to Tami on Basketball Wives, she would have gotten popped.) But even though we are in Miami, that’s not how these guys roll, so Kita takes off. Probably to let off steam with Ted.

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