Basketball Wives L.A. – Episode 5 – When Your Back Is Turned


Weee! I’m about to get my a** kicked!!!!

As an aside, the “Whoa” at the end of the Basketball Wives theme song is up there with the Law & Order ga-gong and “Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!” as one of those magical sounds that I get kind of giddy to hear every time, even though I know it’s coming. ANYway.

In this recap, allow me to play devil’s advocate on behalf of Draya for most of this, because as much as I’m still on the fence about her in general, I feel like this issue of her wedding invitation has gone too far. She didn’t go, she didn’t feel welcome, and if she did go, let’s face it, it would have been awkward for everyone. But no one is letting it lie and I feel the need to defend her.

Over at the…wedding after-party(?) everything is going fine until someone brings up Draya, or more specifically, Draya’s absence, again. They’re all annoyed, Jackie most of all, when she explains “She made a big deal out of coming.” Laura also jumps to Jackie’s defense, encouraging her to brush Draya off (but as we’ll see later, Laura has her own issues with Draya that she deals with in the boxing ring).

I don’t want to be the a-hole here, but if anything, Jackie made the big deal out of inviting her, but Draya didn’t seem to make a fuss about coming. Girlfriend knew all along she wasn’t planning to go, as far as we can tell. Here’s how little she cared: she actually chose to get a bikini wax instead of going to a free party in Vegas. Jackie made a point to tell Doug and apologize to him for Draya’s absence too, and you know he was like “Which one’s Draya again?”

The other situation to be dealt with at the wedding disco is Imani‘s relationship breakdown.

After seeing Jackie and Doug’s commitment to each other, she starts to cry, explaining “I think I gave my ex all of my love, and I don’t think I have it anymore.” Imani needs an intervention with Steve Ward right now, I think. She’s really stuck on this “no more love to give” thing. “Personally, I think either you need to have sex or find an activity,” Laura says, which must be why they all head to mixed martial arts together later.

Fortunately for Draya, she really seems to have a bond with Malaysia, who has managed to finally get on good terms with just about everyone. Malaysia feels partially responsible for Draya not going to the wedding, but she’s also honest about the fact that it was she, and not Jackie, who didn’t think Draya should be invited. Draya appreciates that honesty but is still like “Why is anyone talking about me at all??” and Malaysia tells her “You are a topic when your back is turned.”

"Talk your s--- now. I'm here. And I look cute."

Back at the Barnes/Govan manse, Gloria and Matt are having a serious discussion about getting needles stuck in your face. Not only does she want Botox, but she wants to have a Botox party. “Botox nowadays is seriously like going to get a manicure/pedicure,” Gloria says, not realizing that while these beauty procedures are indeed common, mani-pedis don’t render you expressionless, and what good is a party when you can’t tell that your guests are having fun? Matt feels similarly hesitant, but then they devise a plan that would sound like prostitution were it not for the fact that they live together and have babies already, where Matt will pay for this party as long as Gloria will be “on-call” for sex for three days. They shake on it.

Done deal.

Speaking of sex, Imani reveals at the gym that she hasn’t had any in years during their small group training session.

This is shocking to Laura and Gloria (and the rest of the world) and Laura makes it her mission to find someone to give it to Imani. “Don’t get it twisted…I make love to me better than anybody I know,” Imani says to prove that at the very least she’s not dead inside. Laura is also a little horn-dog at the moment but she’s getting her kicks by flirting with their trainer.

Draya and Jackie meet to hash out the wedding situation and immediately Jackie makes Draya work her defense, calling her out for not standing up to greet her. Again, I understand manners and whatnot, but at a certain point, it becomes obvious that you’re desperately trying to find things to hate about this girl. So Draya explains her situation, that she didn’t feel welcome at the wedding because the invite was just a verbal one and it wasn’t a very convincing verbal one either. Jackie’s expression all through their meeting is one that implies she’s not having any of it

and she explains that “Every time we’ve invited people, 90% of the time they all show up, so Draya should have taken that as a huuuge invite and made sure she got there even if she had to ride a pony.” Yeah, but 90% of the time, do you treat your other guests the way Draya feels treated? I am playing devil’s advocate and I’m just askin’!

“I’m gonna stop being so nice to these women, ’cause they’re not nice to me,” Draya says after lunch with Jackie.

At last we see Malaysia getting to work on her jewelry-for-kids line called Three Beats (as in the heartbeats of her three kids, aww). The price point of these toddler jewels is a reasonable, mid-range $700-$3,000 per piece. So to that, I ask mid-range for who, exactly? Oh right, for people that buy this type of thing.

I don’t want to sound all Debbie Downer but this just sounds like a line of $700-$3,000 choking hazards.

The women all meet later for MMA (mixed martial arts) or as we can casually call it: an opportunity to take our aggression out on Draya. Laura, who started therapy in this episode to deal with her anger issues, just found out that Draya’s been communicating with someone and telling them all the details of Laura’s life. She’s not really interested in being someone else’s fodder for gossip, so she goes into this thing with a need to pummel. Obviously the anti-anger therapy hasn’t fully absorbed yet. “I really feel like I wasted an ass-whooping on Malaysia,” Laura says just before she gives an ass whooping to Draya. Before they stepped into the ring though, Draya showed off her prowess on the pole. Yes, the stripper pole.

Or as Malaysia says, “Stripper poe!” The way she says it is adorable.

Unfortunately, Malaysia’s not quite as good on the stripper poe as Draya.

Once they get that out of their systems though, it’s time for Draya’s beating, courtesy of Laura. Despite Draya’s request that her boobs be spared, lest they break into silicone puddles, Laura goes in hard. Oof.

Next week: will Draya walk out of the ring, or will she have to be carried?

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