La La has been eating her way through New York and through various emotional situations this week on La La’s Full Court Life, and it’s time to make a change. But first, a little song and dance.
La La just came off of last week’s drama-deflecting interviews where she had to deny reports of tension between herself and the Basketball Wives, and this week her Google Alerts have been going off non-stop with one rumor about Carmelo having a secret baby, and another involving Chauncey Billups’ family being upset that they were traded to New York. La La need to clear the air and clear her mind, so she sets off on a journey to wellness.
La La has a sushi lunch planned with Po and Dice, and while it looks healthy enough, she feels like she’s been packing on the pounds.
“When we get back to the hotel, we should all weigh ourselves,” La La tells Po and Dice. That sounds like the least fun plan anyone has ever come up with, and Po and Dice know it.
“Why would we do that to ourselves?” Po, the voice of reason, asks. But then again, Po is ten pounds soaking wet, which Dice points out when she yells at Po “You’re not even in the weight class to be in this conversation!” Po and Dice are my most favorite, most honest people on TV at the moment.
Back at the hotel, they take to the scale in a moment that is brave and revealing at the same time. Brave because hello, who wants their weight broadcast to millions of people? Revealing because, OH, HELLO.
After all those crab hand rolls and other New Yorky delicacies, checking your weight is a daunting task, and if we’re keeping track, La La weighed in at 143, Po was a waifish 113, and Dice felt miserable after following both of them and seeing a glaring 173 projected up at her.
“First up on the ‘Time To Lose Weight, Bitches’ plan is the body cast,” Lala says, but when she runs it past her buddy Kim Kardashian, Kim thinks it sounds nuts.
Po and Dice also think it sounds nuts (“Why do you want to do something you know nothing about?” Po asks) but I’m assuming La La is footing the bill, so they agree to get it done too.
After they all get wrapped in a plaster corset, they spend as much time as it takes to take some hilarious photos, and then promptly remove the body casts.
Phase Two of Get In Shape Girls involves Russell Simmons, who is one of the most famous yogis in the world. Or at least in lower Manhattan. La asks Simmons to take her and the ladies to a yoga class because they want to feel spiritually and physically centered but it’s clear right away that Dice isn’t getting the hang of things
and La is too easily distracted to focus on her downward dog.
Phase Three of the women’s journey to a better booty is boxing. Perhaps the most important thing we learned from their day in the ring is that this woman eats five to ten Kit Kats A DAY.
And she STILL looks tiny, so this just proves that life is unfair. Boxing has made La La feel good and it has cleared her mind so that she can handle a bigger issue at hand, dealing with Piper Billups, wife of Chauncey and teammate of Melo’s.
Word on the street is that Piper was pissed to be included in the same trade as Melo and is not happy to move to New York, so La La wants to clear the air. At lunch La asks straight out whether or not the reports of Billups V. Anthony are true and if they really are upset and, hey, whaddya know? They aren’t!
They aren’t happy that Chauncey has been traded five times and have had to move often, but their annoyance isn’t directed at the Anthonys and the ladies leave their lunch drama-free.
I would be remiss if I didn’t finally address a tiny plot point, but one that’s stuck with me, having to do with La La sending sexy pics to Melo while he’s on the road. And it doesn’t even have to do with the pics themselves, that I have no problem with, it’s sweet that they keep the love alive. No, it’s that La La has the most cluttered and self-portraitriffic desktop I’ve ever seen. How can she concentrate on work when she’s got 1000 pictures of herself staring back at her??