La La’s Full Court Life – Episode 9 – What Happens At The Conch Shack Stays At The Conch Shack


Conch penis! Blackjack! Heart-to-heart girl talk! And The Situation‘s name is finally revealed. So much can happen when you’re on vacation.

La La is sick of living in Westchester, Po is having girlfriend trouble, Dice never even speaks of her girlfriend (code name: The Situation), so La La springs a surprise on them by telling them she’s planning a girls’ trip to Turks And Caicos.

They are so excited.

“It’s time to get out of here and get our minds right,” La La says. And of course, since bestie Kelly Rowland is always down for a good time, she comes too. Why not?

After the obligatory stock footage of a plane flying through the air,

the girls have arrived.

Unfortunately for the first part of the trip, Dice is under the weather, but I say lounging around in a hotel bathrobe is still a necessary part of any vacation, so it’s not like she’s missing out on anything.

Dice rallies though for a trip to the casino where Kelly the gambling novice ends up schooling them all in blackjack.

And of course, no reality show tropical vacation would be complete without a three-hour tour (a three-hour tour) on a boat. The girls fish,

strike sexy poses

swim away from JoJo the dolphin, who they think is a shark.

JoJo scares them enough that they end up stranded on a deserted beach temporarily

and finally get some lunch at the Conch Shack.

Their chef (a.k.a. the guy in a polo shirt) tells them that eating conch penis is”the island aphrodisiac” and they should really give it a try.

“No, mon, not today,” Dice responds.

Then, this conversation happens:
“Are you supposed to eat it raw?” Kelly Rowland asks.

“Yes. Because we like it raw around here,” the conch man responds.

“What the? Y’all like it raw around here? What’s really going on? What is this?” La La asks of her overt conch man, who serves up the conch penis in a shot called the conch knocker. Kelly is the first brave soul to go for it.

Eventually they all try it.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had penis,” Po says, taking the edge off the fact that they’ve all just slurped down the wang of a shellfish.

Po’s joke about the lack of penis (conch or human) in her life comes before a more serious conversation that the girls all share with Dice, who’s at a crossroads which also has to do with the lack of penis in her life. Up until now, we’ve only ever heard her refer to her girlfriend as “The Situation” because Dice has been hesitant to shine a light on her own personal life and her sexual orientation.

In a moment of truth, La La tells Dice that she shouldn’t feel like it’s something to hide anymore and she says that hiding her girlfriend behind a nickname isn’t solving anything and it’s actually making The Situation feel bad. And at last, La La reveals that The Situation does have a name, Michelle, and Dice realizes that her friends and family love her no matter what. Michelle, be grateful that you no longer have to share a nickname with that other The Situation!

On their last night on the island, the girls sit by the light of the bonfire discussing their relationships and the future, and La suggests Dice call Michelle. “I need to!” Dice says. “But it costs $1.99 per minute.” Dice may be evolving, but in baby steps.

With one episode left and still no home, La La’s vacation was a brief respite, but now she’s got to hunker down in order to get the hell out of Westchester.

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