At the outset of this episode of Basketball Wives L.A., it’s Laura who’s on the outs with the group, but by the time the episode ends, everything will have changed. Is Jackie trying to stir the pot and create drama where there isn’t any, or do you think everyone’s been talking out of turn and she’s the only one calling it out? Let us know in our poll, and read on for the full recap.
“We deserve to be able to rest,” says Jackie, as the gang departs for what should be a relaxing trip to Hawaii. But you know the story, a Basketball Wives trip is always far from relaxing.
Everyone is having fun gearing up for the trip, unaware of the s— that’s about to go down. Laura and Gloria go bathing suit shopping and we get to see them act refreshingly un-self-conscious about their post-baby bodies. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Imani is busy secretly moving all of Laura’s belongings out of her house, in a devious move that’s motivated by anger.
Imani is under the impression that Laura’s been talking smack about her, and there’s no way in hell she’s going to be a storage unit for someone who’s back-stabbing her.
But after the tankinis have been purchased and the boxes have been moved, the trip begins, and immediately things are feeling tense. After the women arrive in Hawaii, they take shuttle bus ride that goes from fun to ugly in ten seconds flat. Personally, I have learned the hard way that doing impressions of your friends can go from fun to hurtful faster than you can imagine, so as soon as the ladies started calling out one another’s catchphrases, I started to worry.
Everyone started off being good-natured, about it, at least at the beginning. Jackie joked that Malaysia always says “What ha-happened?” Imani called herself out for always saying “Let me explain something to you!” Gloria ribbed Laura for overusing “Hell naw!” Draya was made fun of for always saying “You’s guys.”
And then…Gloria took it too far (except that she didn’t) when she tells Jackie that her catch phrase is “F— that!” (I would have gone with “Oh my God!” for Jackie — hindsight!)
Jackie stops the room cold telling Gloria “I’m really embarrassed, seriously. I’m not finding this funny. That’s f—ing gross. F— that.” Which is funny since she says the very thing she thinks is gross but doesn’t realize it. It’s really confusing, but it’s only the beginning of this emotional Jackie ride that everyone has tickets to ride.
“If you can find beef in paradise, then you’re just a miserable f—ing person,” Imani says. Which leads me to the second loop of Jackie’s emotional roller coaster, only I’m not talking beef, I’m talking pork. (I’ll accept my award for most forced segue now, thank you!) The ladies head to the luau, which consists of roast pig on a spit and a side of eighth grade lunch table immaturity.
Jackie is annoyed at the seating arrangement because Laura, Gloria and Malaysia all sat next to one another (but, flashback to last week, aren’t she, Imani and Draya newly minted BFFs now? Why does she care that the other three are on the other side?) “You’re like 59 1/2, what are you doing? Get the f— outta here,” Laura says, commenting on the fact that Jackie is whispering at the table and pointing out the group’s great divide. If I was in their shuttle bus from the airport, I totally would have called out Laura for “Get the f— outta here” as her catchphrase, btw.
After Jackie comments that “We get to eat a big pig!” and then clarifies that, just kidding, she doesn’t eat pork, she accidentally eats pork. Despite the fact that there was a huge pig on a spike, she had no idea that what she was just eating wasn’t chicken, and this throws the entire night into a tailspin because she makes such a pig deal about it. (See what I did there?)
She cries, threatens to go throw up and makes a scene, all while the luau fire-eaters were just trying to do their job. And if you’re breathing and twirling fire batons, you don’t really want to be distracted.
It’s a lot of emotion over one plate of pulled pork, but I get it, she doesn’t eat the stuff. But it makes everyone feel funny and adds to Jackie’s general “kookiness” that starts to wear on the women’s nerves. “It was embarrassing,” Gloria says. “Real life. You kooky,” sayeth Laura. I love Laura. Just gonna put that out there.
The next day, Jackie apologizes for her kooky behavior and the ladies put aside their differences/wet-hair phobia/inability to swim to take a surfing lesson. It will be the first and last drama-free event on this trip, and it’s made even more entertaining by the fact that Jackie insists on wearing a shower cap.
Finally, the showdown we’ve all been waiting for occurs. The ladies go for a sunset beach picnic and spot a giant sea turtle, and they freak out a bit and Jackie basically makes everyone take pictures and Tweet them.
She’s like my own mother when it comes to digital pictures, “I don’t want to take the picture, I want you to take it and then send it to me on the email, Elizabeth.” Jackie’s like “Take a picture and tweet it, Draya! Tweet it!” The commotion of terrorizing this ancient, giant creature creates a diversion for Imani and Laura to have the big fight that we’ve all been waiting for, only they don’t fight at all. When they talk things through (“Real talk.” – Laura), they realize that they’ve been mad at each other because of a string of things that Jackie has told each of them.
A string of things that they both realize are untrue, but that Jackie’s been spreading around. “I know Jackie’s been bumping her gums,” Laura says.
“Any bit of anger that I had toward Laura is now focused on Jackie,” Imani says, once they’ve figured out Jackie’s game. Along with Malaysia, the women discuss how they’ve been had, and Malaysia tells them she feels like this entire time, she’s been walking around thinking that none of them like her (sad face! I love you, girl!).
“She wants us all to hate everybody else and love her,” Imani says, looking exhausted.
And to be honest, it’s hard not to feel that way just watching this situation unfold.
