Welcome back, Love And Hip Hop! We pick up this season roughly where we left off, but within minutes, we’re in the midst of new battles, new alliances and new enemies. At least these women can fight and, in Kimbella’s words, “still look pretty.”
Any of the following situations would be a BIG DEAL under normal circumstances for a human being, but just being on Love and Hip Hop means your life is not full of normal circumstances. So let’s go through each of the plotlines from episode one in order of severity just to prove how high the stakes are on this show.
YOU WOULD THINK that watching Somaya and Olivia work their respective grinds and meet with their managers to further their careers would be dramatic enough on its own. Somaya, who looks like a boss as she walks down the street with manager, Maurice, in tow,
now has a tequila brand and an investor that she needs to keep happy. Maurice has always given me the heebie-jeebies since last season, and this season is no different, he’s a little inept and has focused more on the tequila than on the music, and Somaya’s investor isn’t happy about that.
Olivia is also dealing with manager troubles but not because Rich Dollaz is inept, but because he’s tough on her. She’s intent on doing things her way at this stage in her career because up until now, she’s always gone with the flow and done what she’s been told.
She’s finally got a place of her own and she’s blossoming, but as Rich says, “I’m really looking to make some money instead of spending it.” She’s looking for a big record label to make a deal with because (L’oreal moment) she thinks she’s worth it, but Rich says “If we don’t get a label deal soon, all of this is gonna be for naught.” The clock’s a-tickin’.
YOU WOULD THINK that a woman breaking up with her significant other (and the father of her child) and then telling her daughter about this momentous life change would be the biggest thing to happen to a person in this hour. YOU WOULD THINK THAT. And that’s exactly what Emily does when she makes the ultimate decision to leave Fabolous and get her own place. But that is the LEAST shocking thing to happen this week. Emily actually has a lovely moment with her daughter, Taina, as she explains that she’s moving on with her life (though she never explains the dirty details as to why, exactly, she’s leaving him).
Emily might still be vulnerable, but unlike last season, she’s empowered. Well, at least until Kimbella drops a bomb on her. More on that later!
YOU MIGHT ALSO THINK that Chrissy and Jim taking a trip to the diamond district would be a huge effing deal because maybe it finally means Jim is ready to commit. Quite the opposite, actually. Turns out, Jim lost the engagement ring Chrissy designed for him last season and they have to order another.
“I understand that mistakes and accidents happen but, um, I’m not feeling good about this one,” Chrissy tells us. So she’s not leaving the store with her own ring, but she IS leaving with a “painkiller,” which is Chrissy’s word for a much-deserved reward for putting up with life’s bulls—. It’s like very expensive, shiny chicken soup for her soul.
IT’S POSSIBLE THAT YOU’D THINK that Jim not buying Chrissy a ring would be the biggest slap in the face that Chrissy could receive from a member of the Jones family this week, but even that’s not very high up on the list of grievances, not when you have a woman like Mama Jones in your life. Last season, Chrissy and Nancy Jones exchanged quite a few words regarding their mutual love for Jim, but they’re both…possessive of him, to say the least. Mama Jones has a lot of anger and emotion built up toward Chrissy, and to express her thoughts without using aggression or violence, she resorts to recording a diss track and releasing it online.
And thus, the bar is set for all other bad mother-in-law relations. You might think you have it rough, but does your MIL record diss tracks about you entitled “Psychotic”? I didn’t think so. Mama Jones goes to her friend Freddie’s place to record the song and “let it all out.”
Everything’s going swimmingly for Chrissy at home one day until Olivia calls to tell her about the track. Chrissy listens to it but Jim refuses.
“I don’t want nobody to f— up my day so I’m not gonna watch it,” Jim says and goes for a walk around the driveway.
He’s not getting off that easily though. Chrissy makes him watch and I’m glad I don’t have to live with these two.
“It don’t make me feel right and I know it definitely don’t make you feel good,” Jim tells Chrissy and I feel like this is the first time we’ve actually seen Jim side with Chrissy instead of just letting the two women duke it out. “You’re not acting like a mother should act in this situation,” Jim tells us.
SOMEONE, NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW BETTER BY NOW, BUT SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT THINK that, this being the first episode where we’re meeting the new women, Kimbella and Yandy, would make them underdogs, that they wouldn’t be the cause of so much drama right off the bat, but this is where you would be the most wrong of all.
First there’s Yandy, who is Jim’s manager and she’s buddies with Chrissy. At least for now. Yandy does things like pick Chrissy up to go for a ride to Jim’s show
and invite the girls to the launch party of her jewelry line. Yandy is friends with Kimbella, who’s “the woman of Juelz Santana,” one of Jim’s bandmates. Despite that connection, Chrissy and Kimbella have never hung out, and their first opportunity to do so is at Yandy’s party. The first impression that Kimbella makes on the women is that she’s cheeky, but not in the British way.
“I figured maybe she was just really hot,” Olivia said. Chrissy was less forgiving, judging from the look on her face.
These three agree that whatever happened last season is bygones, now they are a unit. That’s good news because there’s safety in numbers.
Kimbella comes over to chat with them all and when she speaks, they’re just as unimpressed with her “space cadet” persona as they were with her “jean panties.” They’re cool enough with Kimbella and Yandy though to allow them to come to Emily’s independence party though, which she’s having in a hotel suite to celebrate the first day of the rest of her single life.
Unfortunately, Kimbella chooses this moment, the moment after the whole group toasts good riddance to that cheating man of hers, to announce that she actually dated Fab three years ago. When Emily was pregnant with her son. So… Timing!
At first Chrissy is like, “Whaaaaat?” and seems like she’s just going to let this play out by Emily’s rules.
And hilariously, Somaya gets up to move because girlfriend has intuition and does NOT want to be in the middle of this, so she’s like “Is this sofa arm taken? Please?”
Emily is too calm and reserved to deal with this news, so on second thought, Chrissy takes matters into her own hands. “You have no regard for what this girl has been through. I just thought it was just mean,” Chrissy says of Kimbella’s poorly-timed admission. And no one gets mean on Chrissy’s friends. So she explodes.
Chrissy punches and kicks Kimbella until she’s pulled off, and even though we’re all secretly cheering a little because everyone loves Emily and how dare Kimbella do this, it’s a scary, scary moment to see Chrissy go off.
And it only makes Emily feel worse.
“Maybe her intentions were good, but her outcome was tasteless, heartless and tacky,” Chrissy says.
If you were Kimbella, what would you do to save face? Apologize? Try to speak to Emily privately? No. If you were Kimbella you’d calmly excuse yourself to fix up your tousled hair in the restroom, and make the comment that will go down in Love And Hip Hop history that you “Still look pretty!”
YOU WOULD THINK Somaya is psyched knowing that finally, the heat is off her, YOU WOULD THINK that all eyes are now on Kimbella, YOU WOULD THINK that what just happened would be a game-changing moment. And finally, you would be right.
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