Now that’s not a nice way to treat a lady.
Tip is in total over-protective dad mode this week and it could not be more adorable to watch him discuss birds, bees, and sugar with his ten-year-old daughter Deyjah. Deyjah comes to him one day to tell him that she has a boyfriend, Jamari, and immediately, this sets Tip off.
You can practically see the gears in his brain working overtime to try and find a way to go back in time to make sure Jamari was not born/figure out a creative way to explain relationships as relative to cups of sugar/lock his daughters up until they are 35, which is the age that T.I. has determined to be the point in their lives that they will be allowed to date.
“Sweetheart, you are a pretty girl, so guys are always going to be after you,” T.I. explains to Deyjah. “They’re going to tell you you’re pretty, they’re going to tell you you’re smart, and they’re only telling you that to get your sugar.” From the look on her face,
Deyjah is confused and horrified. But then her dad actually makes a pretty good analogy, saying she has a cup of sugar and that she should “Never, never, never, never give your sugar to the wrong person, ’cause when your sugar’s gone, it’s gone.” It’s kind of cute, and she kind of gets it (she’s at an age where, bless her, she thinks sugar is kisses). To make matters worse, the entire Harris family knew about this boyfriend before T.I. did. “Unacceptable!” he cries. When he brings this up with Tiny, she tries to distract him by telling him he looks buff these days, but T.I.’s attention will not be diverted! So he drags out of her that not only does his daughter have a boyfriend, but his sons all have girlfriends, which is how we come to learn the story of The Harris Curse which affects all men with his bloodline. “They will not be able to keep women away,” he explains. “You’re just velcro. You are the rough, scratchy part and they the soft, fuzzy part and it just sticks.”
Tiny is tired of being accused of harboring the secret relationships of her children, so off she goes to Shekinah’s to get her hair done and discuss the matter. “Tip definitely has a double standard when it comes to the boys and the girls. So if Tip is going to scrutinize Deyjah, he’s gotta be fair, he’s gotta talk to the boys, too.”
But first, Tip goes to see Deyjah’s mother, Ranniqua, to discuss what to do about this here boyfriend. “They took away all my guns,” he jokes to her. “I got a couple,” she reassures him. If I were a boy trying to date into the Harris family, I would be scared away just by all this joking around. Tip tells Ranniqua why he’s worried, and its based on his biggest parenting goal. “It’s my job to keep my sons out of prison, and my daughters out the strip club,” he says. “I’m with you on that,” Ranniqua responds. Because Jamari is distracting Deyjah from her schoolwork, she gets a punishment, no phone, no iPad, no iPod, and just a little bit of TV. “Commercials,” Tip clarifies.
These parents mean business.
“We now have to speak about ladies. As in, women that are not your sisters,” Tip tells his sons as he goes for yet another round of serious parenting. He may have cleared things up with Deyjah for now, but he’s about to school the boys on feminine wiles and how best to handle/resist them. He’s got some work to do, because when he asks his three-year-old, Major “How do you treat a lady?” the answer is incorrect, I don’t care where you come from.
King, the seven-year-old who has captured a nation’s heart in episodes past, continues his hot streak by answering “You treat her with respect.”
Domani, who puts on his best GQ pose to answer,
tells his father you treat a lady “With dignity,” to which Messiah replies “You don’t even know what that means!” Hey, that doesn’t mean it’s not correct, Messiah! Messiah answers that he would give a woman protection, which is also a nice answer, so T.I. tells the boys “Well, Major, you were wrong, you don’t treat ‘em bad and sneaky, that’s not how you treat a lady,” before launching into the Peter Parker/Spiderman speech that’s been tweaked a bit. “You guys need to know that you’re not going to be able to keep the women off of you. You have inherited a very strong talent and ability to attract women, but with that power and that talent and that ability comes a responsibility.” He adds “You should always treat a woman the way you would want a man to treat your mama.”
So, one last time, Major, how do you treat a woman?
Are you sure?
Okay, so Major still has quite a bit of work to do.
T.I. calls a family meeting, the agenda topic being “Secrets.” “Someone should only keep secrets with prior approval from daddy,” he tells his six kids. “Do you have a permit for that secret?” He then forces them each to tell him a secret. These are more like confessions than anything, really, because Zonnique’s is that she stole money from King’s piggy bank to buy groceries, King’s is that his pants fell down in the cafeteria at school when he wasn’t wearing any underwear (seriously, give this kid his own spinoff already), and Major’s secret is that his favorite rapper is T.I.
The kids start digging for T.I.’s secrets, throwing out all sorts of options.
No, and definitely no, Tip says. “He wants to know everything!” Tiny says. “I don’t know what his obsession is, I’ve been dealing with it for ten years now.” I guess we’ll never know. Hey, I guess that’s his secret.