Let’s establish one thing: I have no idea what’s going on on this show. The ladies are going on vacation this week, that much I know, but I can no longer tell who likes who, or why anyone is doing anything they do anymore. That being said, let’s discuss what’s going on to the best our our abilities…Also, let’s get spray-tanned!
Things with Brooke and Cherie aren’t so hot these days. At a boxing lesson, Brooke tells Jordana, Erika, Maggie, and Tanya that she had dinner with Cherie the night before, and a drunken Cherie got so upset that she threw a glass at Brooke. Shockingly, there is no footage of the incident, but it has become a huge source of drama for these two.
Tanya and her beau Morgan have been quietly seeing each other since they met that fateful day at the gun range, and tonight they’re out on a date to locate what page they’re both on — hopefully it’s the same one.
Tanya cries a little when she talks emotions, but then frankly tells him that she’s hoping for “a physical connection” this weekend. Get him, girl. Despite his hugs of reassurance when Tanya cries, Morgan’s like, not actually so into the thought of finally doin’ it.
Jordana invites Anna over so she can borrow Anna’s suitcase for the trip to Turks and Caicos, which is weird because Jordana’s been upset about being left out of things and having it rubbed in her face, and yet here she is going on a trip that Anna’s not invited on, and she fails to see the irony in making Anna bring her a suitcase to borrow. When Jordana tells her all the girls are going, Anna does her fake voice and is like “Oh, wahh, I’m not invited!” and after talking about it, Jordana takes it upon herself to invite Anna anyway. “It’s not like there’s not going to be drama, so why not invite the one who’s the most fun into the mix?” Okay, point taken.
Surprisingly, when Jordana tells Brooke and Chantel she invited Anna behind their backs, Brooke actually thinks it’s a good idea, she’s glad no one is left out. This scene occurs while the women are half naked at the spray-tan salon, FYI.
Oh, you heard me.
However, Brooke has an ulterior motive because she knows Anna coming will make Cherie mad, and since Brooke and Cherie are on the outs, she’s happy to deflect some of that drama. Chantel on the other hand, not thrilled about any of this.
“My gut is saying we’re all going to eventually end up looking like fools,” she says, while in this position.
“Just remember I said that today while my butt was in her face.” Honey we’re never going to un-see this scene, so we’ll remember everything.
When all the women meet up later to clear up what the drama is between Brooke and Cherie, I am more confused than ever. It sounds like Brooke has co-opted the “skank possum” phrase and has been calling Cherie that behind her back because Brooke believes that Cherie’s been saying nasty things too. But it’s all so vague and everyone is denying and no one has proof, but all we do know is that Brooke leaves and doesn’t care if she ever sees Cherie again. Spoiler alert: she will totally see Cherie again.
When Jordana and Anna get together to pack and talk about the trip, Anna has two special surprises for Jordana.
The first is her boot cast (borrowed, no doubt, from Jessie J.) which is the result of some foot pain she’s been feeling, and the second is an animal carrier holding a dead, stuffed possum (also wearing boots!), a gift for Cherie. “Cherie’s gonna poop her pants when she sees it,” Jordana says.
When they finally make it to the island, they divide up into two villas, Tanya and Cherie in one, and Anna, Jordana, Chantel, and Brooke in another. Erika, who as far as I know was NOT on their flight, shows up out of nowhere too, and honestly, all I care about is where she’s going to sleep, because all this other drama is making my head hurt.
So over in the larger villa, Anna confides in Brooke that she brought lil’ Cherry Possum the dead varmint with her on the trip and that since Brooke is now having issues with Cherie, she should do the honors of presenting this little token to Cherie.
So much for no drama on this trip, right? Brooke dies laughing at the creature and at dinner, she saunters in with the thing over her arm like it’s a Birkin, and nonchalantly shows it off.
This clearly hurts Cherie’s feelings (I know that because she shouted “That hurts my feelings!”) and then asks what we’re all wondering “Why are you doing that?” We’d all like to know why Brooke, and all the other women, are doing what they do. Hopefully next week, we’ll get some answers.
